Move Y3 DD’s school... again?

[Toomuchsky]

Reposted from Primary Education:

DD started primary school at a wonderful school (1), where she was very happy with a secure group of friends. She’s always been pretty bright, and hasn’t struggled academically.

We moved areas exactly two years ago, and moved her first to a school (2) where she was terrified and utterly miserable. After half a term, another place came up in a different school (3), so we moved her. She’s been at this school ever since and, although it’s been a bit better than school 2, she’s just not as happy as I think she deserves to be, certainly not as happy as at school 1. She’s made friends, but rarely has a play date; the other girls are a lot more ‘princessy’ (her word) than she is, and she is anxious a lot of the time. She gets very worried about teachers shouting, other children shouting, making mistakes, or not looking right. This doesn’t happen every day though, and some days she is happy to go to school, and always joins 2 or 3 friends in the playground every morning.

Her academic progress has slowed since leaving school 1, but this may have happened anyway as I think she was just a child for whom reading and writing ‘clicked’ early IYSWIM. Her current school doesn’t differentiate spellings or any other homework for her, and she seems to find it easy.

Her older sister is in Y6, and I am seriously considering moving her school when her older sister leaves to go to secondary. It is very unlikely that anyone from her school will go to the same secondary due to geography (we live a 20min walk from school 3).

When I ask her if she likes school, she says no. She cries at bedtime at least twice a week worrying about homework/something about school. She says that all the other girls at school are prettier than her. She used to LOVE school, and I find all this hard to hear.

On the other hand, she plays with friends at playtime and the teacher seems to like her. Other children say hello to her in the street, and she waves back happily.

Am I mad to consider another school move? A school with a much more relaxed ethos and creative curriculum has spaces and although is further away (15 min drive), has more children going to same secondary. It is much, much more like school 1 where she was so happy. I think she could thrive there- but I’ve made mistakes before, and am not sure what to do for the best.

WWYD?

Do you organise the play dates? By year 3 I do think there are less play dates as more after school activities, parents working etc.

It's also a year of work getting harder and greater expectations so it may be that she is also unhappy about that. It's tricky because you can't move her every time. Also at this age, girls are getting mean. She obviously shouldn't have to put up with it but it means things are being said if she is thinking about who is prettier than who. Have you spoken to her teacher about your concerns?

I think 3 primary schools is enough. I would let her settle in this one. There will be something you don't like about the 4th one too. I would let her make friends she can keep for a while instead of always leaving them after a short time.

Yes, have spoken to the teacher- teacher is supportive, but I think the issue is around the dynamics of the class IYSWIM.

I have tried to arrange play dates a number of times, but the parents of the two girls she plays with are not interested.

She’s finding the work easy, just not making the same rate of progress as she did in school 1; of course this might have been the case wherever she was.

The mere act of moving schools in itself can be quite damaging, and she's done it twice. She needs to stay where she is. Invite other children round to play, go to the cinema, bowling etc. ( only invite 1 other child at a time!

I have invited the children round many, many times. They never come.

Does she do any activities out of school? Would a group of non-school friends help build het confidence and make her generally happier. DD(8) is also not princessey. She is happy enough at school, but her good friends are from Cubs and football.

I wonder if it is the moves that have effected her confidence, plus not being around when friendship groups were formed. I don't think another move is a good idea tbh. I would keep inviting kids for 1:1 playdates (try offering to have kids for a day over school holidays - I bet working parents will say yes. Or resort to bribery and invite the kids to a fun activity at your expense). I would also look at whether your dc can join a club outside school where she might make friends. Also speak to the teacher about helping her build friendships.

Thanks for the responses.

It could be the moves- I think I am partly trying to undo the damage we did in the first place when we moved area and left school 1. I bitterly regret it, and I wonder if I’m trying to make it better by moving her to a better school. She has not been really happy at school since then.

I haven’t found an out of school activity, but will keep looking- we both work full time, so will look for something at the weekend.