Online dating- what do these guys actually want?

[Dontstopmenow10]

I’ve been online dating for a couple of months now and after many chats I’ve decided to come off. I just can’t get my head around what these guys actually want! After the initial chit chat it soon starts turning into sexting. They lead and I follow. Of course I was flattered by the attention and seem to blow their minds with some of the banta we have, however, I just can’t seem to control what’s being talked about. We talk about normal stuff too, and I also make it clear that I don’t send or receive ‘pictures’. What’s driving me round the bend is the following; no actual dates and no shows, no calls, avoidance games and regular updates of ‘I’m horny’! I’m actually so angry and frustrated that I am writing this in a very strained tone. It seems that these guys are just hiding behind their phones and have absolutely no intention of going on a date at all. I know that I must be doing something wrong. Please help, I just want to cry. 😥

Just refuse to participate in it. If they don't get your responses they'll either shape up (ie talk properly) or ship out (ie bugger off).

Don't sext with men you haven't had sex with in person. That's my rule after years of online dating on and off and making that mistake several times!
Men who want to sext just want to sext. And if you do meet them after the sex will inevitably be a let down after all their big talk!

they are using you as wank fodder and are probably in a relationship already. they do not want a relationship with you. as pp suggested, a policy of never sexting with someone you haven't had actual sex with would be very sensible. block these existing contracts who have been using you, and for any future contacts at the first suggestion of sexting reply back letting them know that you aren't interested in exchanging texts like that except within an established relationship.

Not sure I’d sext with people I HAD slept with! Way too permanent and potentially embarrassing to send that out into the interweb. Especially if you’re dating in a smaller geographic location.

Written words (and pics) can be shared, without your control, forever. I like my promiscuity to happen in person, face to face!

Meant to add, sorry your online dating is turning out so crap. Hope you find a better way (and a lovely fella- or 6) soon!

Yep, same experience, gave it up & felt better for it. Ridiculously disheartening.

Above posters are correct. Do not sext someone you haven’t met
Have a look at the dating thread in relationships for ideas on how to online date successfully.
And remember it’s nothing you’ve done. Even if you’d refused to sext in the first place there still wouldn’t have been a date.

Hi, thank you everyone for all your advice. I know that I’ve been very naive to the point of plain stupid. Just new to dating after many years and just getting my confidence back. My lovely brother has offered to give me some tips and advice. He met his beautiful wife online and so has good experience in online dating. So I’m going to take a break and do this properly when I’m ready. Once again, thank you. X

I met my DP online. There are good men out there but you do need to sort through the rubbish. Anyone who sent me messages like that was immediately deleted. Don't be scared of saying that you're looking for a relationship in your profile. You get fewer time wasters that way.

They’re probably in a relationship and using you to wank over. Grim I know but it sadly happens. OLD can be a total minefield but it can pay off in the end, I met my DH online.