Anyone read How to talk so kids will listen and actually know what to do

[wheelsfellofflongago]

I read how to talk so kids will listen and I remember loads of things I shouldn't say when I'm saying them.

I think I shouldn't be saying this when I hear myself ranting "you never listen to me" / "why don't you listen" / "I've told you a million times already" but I can't remember what I am supposed to say I have a very very stubborn strong minded rascal spirited---- nearly 4 year old.

So I think the book was wasted on me as I can't actually recall how to get my child to listen. It it just an overall approach? I try to do the empathy and not the "no it doesn't hurt" / "you're fine/ "it's not scary." I don't always manage. I've given the book back as it's was friends copy. Can anyone enlighten me and solve my daily struggles please

Uhh strike out fail

Don’t overthink it’s a great book but wordy & makes you second guess yourself!

This is a great summary

www.confessionsofamontessorimom.com/2014/08/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-and.html?m=1

I find the thing which helps me most comes from the unconditional parenting book - assume good intentions.
Book summary here

www.yanoff.org/books/synopsis-unconditional-parenting.shtml

When it gets tough try to imagine a rather eccentric older guest has come to stay - if they asked for the red plate you’d probably think it odd but get it for them, so I do the same for my kids. Equally guest refuses to get in the car I would ask why rather than berate them etc

It's a long time since I read it (mine are teens now) but describing the behaviour rather than the child, or using neutral language instead of accusing goes a long way.

So - "that was unacceptable behaviour" rather than "you are naughty" which can lead them to feel they are a naughty child and start acting to that feeling.

"Some drink has been spilled, how did that happen?" rather than "who spilt that?"

Also, their feelings are valid. So, instead of brushing them away with "don't cry, it's not that bad" try "that's sad, isn't it".

@Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons thanks for the summary's. The second book I think maybe something for when DS is older. He has a speech delay and I can't imagine him being able to articulate other people's perspective.

Ooh they're good summaries!
Following as I often recommend the book but its a while since Ive read it!!!

Do you think his speech delay is frustrating him?
For what it’s worth I haven’t found UP particularly required my children to do anything (although I have early articulate talkers so maybe I haven’t noticed it in the same way as you might) but especially when they were really wee it helped me not get frustrated by my expectations/toddler demands. It helped my DH get passed his “no” reflex (a bit at least )

I haven't read the book but one of the most useful things I find is telling them what you want them to do instead of what you don't want. So instead of saying 'Don't slam that door' say 'please close the door quietly'. Also, pick your battles - it really doesn't matter which chair they want to sit in, if they won't wear their gloves etc, but it does matter that they hold your hand on a busy road.