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Original poster

Advice needed - Weddings and children

19 replies

kistanbul · 09/02/2020 11:49

We’ve been making lists of potential wedding guests and have realised that the number of people with kids, including blended families with four or five step kids, means we could end up with more children than adults at the wedding.

We don’t have kids and don’t really want a wedding that’s mainly other people’s’ children - most of whom we barely know.

If we say no kids or family kids only, some people we love and really want there would find it very difficult to come.

Any ideas?
Can we tell people that they can only bring their children if they can’t find childcare? How would we even phrase that?

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 09/02/2020 12:00

Who would bother to find childcare if they didn’t want to come without their dc?
You will have loads of people come on to say weddings are awful without children and you should spend less or your dress, honeymoon etc or have a different venue to accommodate everyone but it’s your day and if you don’t want masses of random children you don’t know consider
No children no exceptions except breast fed newborns- some people won’t come
Close family children only ie niece or nephew younger siblings some people may still decline

Close family and children of bridal party so above plus best man /bridesmaids ushers children some people may still have the hump but this way you may still get your closest friends and family in attendance.

Pipandmum · 09/02/2020 12:10

There's a another thread on this today. I had a child free wedding.
I can not believe that people never go out when they have kids. Of course they do. Why are weddings any different? They can be long days ending in an evening do. What young child isn't going to get bored, cranky, fussy? What parent isn't going to be spending half their time dealing with their kids or wondering when they can leave to get them home to bed? Unless you could afford to hire some childminders to entertain the kids then or the kids are teens? Do kids even want to go to a wedding?
Plus weddings are expensive and you pay per head. As you say you don't know most of these kids. It's your wedding. Invite only the people you really want there. I'm sure people can find childcare.

56Marshmallow · 09/02/2020 12:13

My friend's agreed how many people they could have from.each side of the family. One side had less adults so invited kids from that side. The other side said no kids.

I was on the no kids side but my friend spoke to everyone face to face to explain the situation.

I wasn't offended. In fact, I had a much better night out without having to worry about my kids. I could let my hair down and enjoy myself.

I would be inclined to do something like that or "family only" kids.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Original poster
kistanbul · 09/02/2020 12:20

Thanks. You’re probably right about restricting kids invites to people in the wedding party. We’re not planning a honeymoon and only planning on spending a couple of hundred on a dress - not enough potential savings to cover a big venue suitable for lots of kids.

I like kids at weddings, but a wedding where more than half the guests are under 10 sounds stressful.

OP posts:
Aderyn19 · 09/02/2020 12:20

If this was me, I'd invite the children I wanted to attend, such as nieces/nephews or godchildren (would name them on the invitation) and not invite step children of friends, who you barely know. I don't think you have to accept all children or have none - they are individuals that you can invite or not, depending on whether you want them there, the same as any adult guest.

TARSCOUT · 09/02/2020 12:23

Well it's your wedding so you can do what you want. Personally I wouldn't have any, but if I did it would be all it nothing. Enjoy your day whatever you decide.

TARSCOUT · 09/02/2020 12:24

All or nothing

IdleLiz · 09/02/2020 12:28

I would only have nieces and nephews, if any.

Original poster
kistanbul · 09/02/2020 12:31

But we don’t want a child-free wedding. We want kids there. We just don’t want to find ourselves hosting a children’s party on our wedding day, because the adults are outnumbered.

Options:
A. Appoint everyone whose kids we know and like to the “wedding party”
B. Call up all the parents and ask whether they can leave their kids at home.

Would those work?

OP posts:
Delatron · 09/02/2020 12:35

You just can’t invite some non family kids and not others. People will take umbrage.

I think it’s either child free and just family children or all children welcome.

I had the same issues getting married at 38. Most people had at least two kids, it pushed costs up hugely, I had to hire childcare and an entertainer. I wish I’d stuck to my guns. To be honest quite a few people chose to leave their kids at home (with a babysitter:family) as they wanted to enjoy themselves.

BasinHaircut · 09/02/2020 12:37

Just have the wedding you want.

GreenTulips · 09/02/2020 12:39

I’d invite by name only. Then that’s your choice.

user1493413286 · 09/02/2020 12:47

I’m not quite sure that you can say that; one option is saying family children only. Before you make any decisions I’d have a chat with people though as at my wedding we counted that there were 13 children and we started wondering if we could seat them all but actually only 4 came plus 2 tiny babies as people decided they’d rather enjoy the day child free so it may be a bit of a non issue in the end

Aderyn19 · 09/02/2020 13:02

I really don't understand why all children are lumped together. Of course you can invite children you know and like and not children that you don't know but who happen to be the DC or step DC of friends.

ZsaZsaMc · 09/02/2020 13:18

We just said no children on the invite but separately invited nieces and nephews (and one small baby under 3 months).

People understand and they also understand that nieces / nephews count as immediate family.

Having a no children wedding may be more difficult for some people to attend e.g. if it is an early start or far away / requires two overnight stays but you just have to live with the fact some people won’t be able to come.

aSofaNearYou · 09/02/2020 13:57

Just invite the kids you know, anyone that can't understand why you would do that and takes offence is a self absorbed idiot. Perfectly understandable if they can't come, but absolutely no reason to be offended by someone not inviting someone they don't know to their wedding.

grafittiartist · 09/02/2020 14:02

I have been invited as a couple to a wedding that had kids, but it was family and close friends kids only- made perfect sense.

butterflylove81 · 09/02/2020 16:52

We invited kids of bridesmaids and grooms only - young babies. My husbands cousin has 7 children and all his other kids have 2 or 3 they didn't mind leaving them behind we just didn't have the numbers to invite everyone's kids

Didshereally · 09/02/2020 17:53

Don't give people the choice as you'll open yourself up to arguing and those who are loudest - even if you don't know or like their children will end up coming.

Just decide which children you know and love dearly that you want there, keep it to limited numbers and invite them. (Better if you can stick to wedding party children only)

There will be people that won't come
because you've not invited their children, but those that matter will make the effort and find childcare. - don't be blackmailed into having a children's party!!

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