Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Friend become very distant now that I am no longer ill.

2 replies

Shamazing · 09/02/2020 11:17

I was diagnosed with cancer around a year ago, had two surgeries, chemo the usual gubbins to blast the bastard.

All of my friends were amazing. So supportive and just generally kept me and my family going when times were spectacularly shit. One woman, who I've been friendly with for around 5 years, in particular was just fantastic. Always checking on me, giving me lifts to and from hospital, popping round with anything I needed and just generally being a really good friend. We become much closer than we've ever been and I let her know how much I appreciated her friendship at a really difficult time.

I've just gone back to work a few weeks ago and, touch wood, all is going well and I no longer have cancer. I've been in touch with her several times to see if she'd like to go out or to the theatre etc and she's either not been available, not called me back or ignored my messages. I know that she's been out and about as I've seen her on FB or other friends have been out with her.

While I was going through treatment, she would often post on FB that she was 'grateful to be able to help a dear friend in need'/ 'so happy to be in a position to offer support'/ 'just off to show a friend they are not alone on their journey' etc etc. Never mentioning me as I had not posted anything on FB about my illness as that's just not my way at all and she was aware of that, so I was glad she didn't mention me. A mutual friend said to me last night that 'she always needs someone to rescue' and now I'm thinking that that was me. I feel a bit hurt if that was the case - I just want to be a mate, that's all! Now I feel like I'm losing someone that I thought was a good friend just because I'm better now. Has anyone experienced this?

OP posts:
AmazingGreats · 09/02/2020 11:55

It sounds like she gets her self worth out of helping others. Now that you are not in need of help she is not in need of you IYSWIM. It's harsh to realise that somebody has been 'using' you in this way, but it is surprisingly common, especially with cancer. They're almost like cancer groupies. But if she was good to you during that team see her time and friendship then as the gift it was, but adept that it is no more, grieve who you thought she was and not having her in your life anymore, and enjoy your new lease on life now that you are out of the woods cancer free and can invest your time in people who love you for you not want to help you for their own ego stroking. These people see themselves as 'saints' but really they have codependency issues and are never happy without somebody else being unhappy. They are parasitic in that way, which is sad if you think about it, that they can never be happy just in themselves

Shamazing · 09/02/2020 11:58

They're almost like cancer groupies.

This is what DH said too. It wouldn't be so bad if we hadn't been friends before but we have - lots of nights out, weekends away etc. I would have said we were pretty good friends before I became ill.

I suppose I just don't understand it really.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page