Suffered from depression for 15 years. Post pregnancy its worse. Plus in Surrey partner is only staying with me for the baby

[Lisaholly]

I had my baby girl who I love with all my heart. I look at her and cry with love. I'm hope with all my heart to get some helpful and supportive advise. I'm struggling. Outwordly I'm happy and we go to baby groups and see friends but alone in the house I hold her and cry. I cry cos I think she deserves better, I cry cos I want alone time, I cry cos I want to be the perfect mum, I cry cos I feel guilty I'm not happy enough with the situation. Does anyone else just want 5mins, or pray the hour their other half comes home so they can breath. My partner comes in and I'm so relieved but I may as well not be there, it's all about her. I bearly get a kiss now. What do do. Tia

Sorry that's supposed to say. I'm sure my partner is only staying with me for the baby. I'm crying whilst writing it xx

Please please please go and see your doctor. I had a horrible time with PND and once they put me on the right meds I was like a new person. It can and does get better. Also I'm sure you think that about your partner because of the depression, talk to him, he might be able to help

How old is your baby now? It sounds like a trip to your GP or a visit from your health visitor would be good. If you’re experiencing post natal depression they can help you so that’s a first step.

You can adore your baby and be depressed, it happens to a lot of women!

Apart from your partner do you have friends or family who can support you emotionally or give you a break?

Has he said he’s only with you because of the baby?

I’m sorry you’re feeling so low

I've been on meds since 18. I'm under the gp and see a cbt therapist once a week which helps. I recognize the signs so easily now it's almost worse. I know imunhealthy but I dont see an end. I wouldnt ever hurt myself I just need to know I'm not the only one. Sorry it sounds so needy and pathetic xx

He always says he loves me but I know how Im acting and changing is "annoying " him. He regularly gets annoyed with me and he acts differently now than he did. Probably because I'm different. My family and friends are amazing. I spend 2/3 days a week at my parents. But they have dealt with my depression for so many years I dont wanna worry them further. She is 6 months old. The happiest and giggliest little angel xx