Elderly DM faking cancer

[SideeyeSue2]

NCed. She's nearly 80, in medium health, with carers (dodgy leg) and family calling every day. Went to the doc, as assisted by carer, on Tuesday. When we called to see how it went, she told me and Dsis that she had been diagnosed with lung cancer.

We're both shattered by it. I call Dsis to check she is ok, but she's on the phone to DM's carer, who's a mate and who sat in on the appointment.

Carer lady called Dsis to say Absolutely No Cancer, she's got no idea why DM is saying this - only diagnosis was mild COPD as DM has smoked for 60 years.

DM has form for faking illness - before Xmas she claimed DF was 'dying'. When I hastily arranged a medical review he was declared fine, but underweight.

How do we treat DM? She hasn't got dementia.

Dsis and I are exhausted, badly shaken and wondering how to carry on contact. Managing the carers for two elderly parents is hard enough, but the emotional load is getting too heavy to bear.

This isn’t a pile on OP but my father’s ‘mild’ copd was terminal within 6 months. He was 79 when he died, at 78 he was still driving, taking part in the family business, had a social life, taking holidays.
Even if you don’t like her, do not have underestimate her condition.

So on one hand you’re “shaken” by the (albeit false) belief your mum has cancer but then you’re considering going non contact and writing her out your life anyway. Surely it can’t be both? If you’re exhausted with the lies and want her out your life, then just be done.
As an aside, her carer should not have divulged what was it was not said in the appt.

Was OR was not said...

DGM died of COPD and I lived in the next street for the last 10 years of her life, seeing her daily. I have long experience of the disease.

Thanks - I think - for telling me part of your story.

I think with regard to the fact that she is lying and you are asking for help with that situation, I would say to her that you have spoken to her carer and she says the doctor did not mention cancer, ak you Mum if she is perhaps confused and then say to her that the doctor says she has COPD.
It's not clear from your OP but has she been for any scans/x rays, or any kind of tests for cancer? A doctor wouldn't definitively say it was cancer unless she's been to the hospital and had tests.
If you are sure that cancer is out of the question then I would just keep referring to her COPD, and show you are not buying the cancer story. Ask how she is getting on with her treatment for COPD etc. ignore the cancer she has invented.

Having said that, IMO someone who pretends they have cancer is not well mentally, whether that is an early symptom of dementia in the case of your mother or whether she has always fabricated stuff for attention I don;t know (sympathies though - I have a sister with whom I am NC who was always making up the most outrageous rubbish for attention, - including invented illnesses 'I've got 4 kidneys' 'The dentist left a scalpel blade in my gum after removing my tooth' were some of her greatest hits ! then she started inventing diseases for her children - it is really wearing living with that kind of behaviour)

Op I'm sorry for your situation but your comment to the pp about being cheered up by her comment about her dying father was really nasty.

DM had an x-ray and it was clear.

She has form for inventions, usually deeply unflattering lies about other people. Accusing them of crime/adultery/similar.

In her last job she was warned off by a solicitor for it. He threatened her with prosecution for slander. He'd been instructed by two colleagues of hers who had tolerated her rumour mill for over two years before they went to a lawyer.

Great drip feed.

Reported.

I hope tomorrow is a gentle day for you @Usingmyindoorvoice. Anniversaries and the build up to them can be so difficult.

Thank you @fuzzyatmosphere

@Usingmyindoorvoice hope tomorrow isn’t too painful for you

Well then in that case the answer is to ignore her? The info in the drip feed changes everything.

Also, I have no idea why you did a smiley emoji at @Usingmyindoorvoice's story. I want to believe its a miscommunication somehow.

Actually, fuck this. Im going to report you.

How dare you say someones death has cheered you up.

Mild COPD in the elderly comes with heart failure and as they don’t often qualify for life extending treatments the usual life expectancy is usually 1-4 years. Suggest you take her to the GP and find out the facts.

Woah there . I think some people have misunderstood the Op. No personal comments are acceptable on here btw.

To me the ops post about 'cheering her up 'was in response to the link about end of life signs, not about an anniversary or dying fathers.

I'm truly sorry for anyone experiencing the grief of bereavement but it doesn't give you a pass to be an arsehold. It was clear to me that Op's opinion on her mother lying rather than being confused was based on a lot of prior knowledge. I think it's fair to say that Op is the expert on her mother.

Pop over to the stately homes thread, op or find some of the good subreddits that deal with dysfunctional families and relatives. I hope you can find a way to deal with this which is better for your physical and emotional health.

Peace and love to you all.

The OP clearly replied thanking with a smile to a link to a BLF checklist of severe COPD symptoms. As you can read.

Re the tale of another poster's father's illness - she also thanked that poster who shared their story at length.

Think this thread ought to come down.

OP came asking for help and has been accused of something she all to clearly is innocent off. Then she's been sworn at, insulted and attacked.

Absolutely agree, I think this thread should be pulled.

Please pay no mind Op, to the nasty name calling and idiotic responses to your difficult situation.

If posters are unable to follow a thread properly may I politely suggest you refrain from barging in on such sensitive topics and find something more suited to your abilities.

Bullies can fuck right off.

Hope you're ok sideeye