Vile terms used to describe gay people. Why do people insist it's ok?

[peoplepleaser1]

My Facebook feed was sadly peppered with awful terms to describe gay people yesterday following Philip Scofield's announcement.

It wasn't the specific comments about PS that shocked me, but more the causal use of vile terms and references to AIDS.

It saddens me and angers me to read this stuff. I put what I felt was a measured response on a few posts because I felt I had to say something, and then quietly unfriended a few people.

Since then some people's partners, siblings and one persons mother have posted about pathetic snowflakes who take offence at anything i.e. me.

Several have said they have gay friends who use these terms themselves, so in their eyes that makes it ok.

One said that she doesn't believe gay people find these terms offensive. I only know three gay people well and I know that they find it really hurtful.

I've not responded to any of these comments except for my initial response and I don't intend for two reasons:

1. I don't think I can write anything that will make any difference as these people are convinced they are right and don't want to listen to a different POV .

1. I don't actually know what I can say to make a difference.

Am I overreacting- do other people agree with me?

No, you’re not overreacting. I’m I friended people for the same reason.

I'm relieved to her that @AgentProvocateur. I'm having to sit on my hands not to retaliate further. It's like we've gone back decades sometimes.

It's distressing. The number of people who've been making homophobic remarks whilst claiming there are no issues with homophobia anymore is startling.

There was a thread on here before Christmas that insisted it was fine that Fairytale of New York was played with "faggot" clearly audible, because it's used differently in Ireland, and the writer said he didn't mean it that way, and everyone's offended by everything these days... Despite actual gay people posting to say that, despite not being used in the song as a slur, it was upsetting to hear a homophobic insult multiple times a day from loudspeakers. And then there where the people insisting that no one had the right to be offended by "faggot" because they didn't object (who knows what superpowers these posters had to know...) to misogyny in rap music etc

So I am afraid that nothing surprises me at all when it comes to homophobic slurs. If the MN posters, who are usually quite self-congratulatory in their "tolerance" can't grasp the issue, I'm not surprised it's so prevalent in wider society.

(Yes, I know that there are individuals with their own opinions on here - but I still found it baffling that there could be a subset spouting that it was offensive to Irish people to suggest it was changed, rather than any appreciable show of support for the actual victims)

The argument that some gay people happily use the terms amongst themselves sort of complicates things I think.

However, surely the fact that a huge amount of people are upset by them means it's not ok so use them?

I can honestly say that I've seen absolutely nothing like that on my Facebook with regards to PS or gay people in general, ever.

But then I cut my friends list down a long while ago to people I am actually friends with IRL or related to - so I have approximately 56 Facebook 'friends'.

I would absolutely call it out if I did see anyone making homophobic remarks.

I didn't see that thread. I don't think using the work faggot is ok. The words on my Facebook were (IMO) worse than that. I sort of feel I don't want to type them .

I don’t know if there’s a term for it apart from homophobia but I know people like this and it’s infuriating! I am hetero so admittedly no skin in the game as it were but even I’m offended by some of the terms used by people around me on a daily basis eg, faggot, queer, bent, lezzer homo, dyke, rug muncher and fairy. The people who use these terms will of course proclaim that they’re inoffensive and that they can’t be homophobic as their next door neighbours hoover is bisexual blah blah but it is just insidious.

You need to change your friends and groups on FB.
And no, you really don’t need to type the words on here

The people who use these terms will of course proclaim that they’re inoffensive and that they can’t be homophobic as their next door neighbours hoover is bisexual blah blah but it is just insidious**

Yes this above. I'm in a lather because people will insist it's not offensive and it's a bit of fun.

I'm heterosexual so maybe I don't have a right to definitively say what is offensive. I do know people who find it very upsetting though, and one in particular who has had some dark dark times die to feeling disapproved of because he's gay.

I’m offended by some of the terms used by people around me on a daily basis eg, faggot, queer, bent, lezzer homo, dyke, rug muncher and fairy.

Who are these people and why are you around them on a daily basis?

@Saucery you're right, I do and I will.

You don't need to type them.

I’m offended by some of the terms used by people around me on a daily basis eg, faggot, queer, bent, lezzer hmm homo, dyke, rug muncher and fairy.

Who on earth do you socialise with who thinks that kind of language is acceptable? Why don’t you pull them up on it?

Because some people are arseholes

As a gay woman, sometimes it baffles me what people say without thinking. 5 people who came to my freakin wedding posted inappropriate "sausage gobbler", "backs to the wall", "have to be gay in showbizz" style comments yesterday.

The irritating thing is that none of these people consider themaelves homophobic, and if challenged would probably proudly tell people they couldnt be because they went to a gay wedding.

Bleh

Im on a dancing on ice page and its full of "i went to pride/have a gay daughter/ helped my dog come out but ypu know i just dont want to see it on tv?"

A gay work colleague was disciplined for referring to himself as a “poof in a (fiat) panda” he thought it was hilarious (as did I tbh) but it is out dated language and can be derogatory. I’d unfriend anyone who used it in that sense. However, some of the conversations I’ve had with my gay friends would make your hair curl so it depends entirely on the context.

The amount of comments about rent boys yesterday, as if whenever someone has a same sex afair is a rent boy. You'd never say the same thing about a hetro couple and a prostitute

Its sometimes sad because often i think people mean well. On the thread yesterday there was lots of "well why is it a big deal? Why do you have to make such a drama". It sounds like a positive thing to say it doesnt bother me, but actually when you're only person in a larger society then what it sounds like is i dont believe this is hard for you and i dont accept your experience

Lailaha, did you have to use that word, why couldn’t you have said the n word!

And you peoplepleaser1 !

Who the fuck are you that you have people saying worse hobophobic things than have been posted here around you AND people that use the N word?!

Yes, why the fuck are people actually spelling that out?

I would and do call out people using the term n**. I do often then get told that black people use this term amongst themselves

@peoplepleaser1 You seriously need to take a good hard look at the company you choose to keep.