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Original poster

I think I want another baby..

15 replies

Isla363 · 08/02/2020 14:24

I'm 41 my partner is 36.
We've been together for 18 years.
I have two previous children and two together.
My eldest is 22...youngest 8, 9 this year.
Money Is very tight but a baby only costs as much or little as you want him or her to..
My problem Is my family!! I worry I'll be judged because we dont really have the room on the house for another child to be honest.
My main worry Is my age. I dont smoke but I vape.. I'd quit 100%.. I dont go out I dont party I dont do anything.. my time is spent with my family..
My youngst is nearly 9 and I'm craving that neediness.
I'm constantly looking after my nieces and nephews to fill the void but I never want them to go home.
I have a coil fitted so its not like I can let nature take its course.
Another thing I worry about is the health of a baby with me being 41.
They say the statistics of a mother over 35 lowers the rate of a child being born completely healthy.
I'm torn... am I just going through a phase? And if so does that phase last years? I've felt this way since my youngest went to school..
Any advice greatly received x

OP posts:
4amWitchingHour · 08/02/2020 15:44

Craving the neediness of someone else sounds like a terrible reason to have another child. If you did, what would happen when this baby gets older? Think about the void you're trying to fill - I don't want to be trite, but would getting a pet help? If you love to look after people, then volunteering or caring?

There's nothing wrong with having a baby at 41, but I think you need to examine your reasons really really carefully.

FriedasCarLoad · 09/02/2020 07:47

If you're longing for another child and your partner is happy to have one, go for it. Don't let your wider family's opinion stand in the way.

Lots of women over 35 have babies. I had my first at 38, my second will be at 39, and I don't plan to stop at that!

goldenorbspider · 09/02/2020 07:57

If you want one and your partner wants one go for it.

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Families
rottiemum88 · 09/02/2020 08:15

Honestly, if you have 4 children already and your reason for wanting another is that you crave the neediness of a baby then I think you just need to find something else to fill your time and let the feelings pass

Velveteal · 09/02/2020 08:27

Get a puppy, they’re incredibly needy!

muddypuddles12 · 09/02/2020 08:34

The OP has children already and is clearly well aware of the requirements of a baby, I don't think she needs to be told whether or not her reasons for wanting another baby are valid in other people's eyes, only whether we think it's a "phase" or not.
My mother went through this when she turned 35 and had 4 children already, by 39 the "phase" still hadn't gone for her or my father, so they had my sister at 41 - 100% healthy. She's now 29 and one of my best friends in the world (along with my other siblings). 41 isn't too old, and maybe it's a phase, maybe it isn't. All that matters is whether you and your partner want a baby and think you can support it sufficiently, and if you do - that's the only reasoning you need!

GinUnicorn · 09/02/2020 09:08

How does your husband feel?

Would your other children be on board?

Could you cope financially if the child had additional needs.

I think bloodiness is normal when you feel like your biological clock is running down but only you know if this is what you and your family really want. Good luck whatever your decision. Flowers

Poetryinaction · 09/02/2020 10:01

Babies are cheap but childcare and loss of earnings are not.

PowerslidePanda · 09/02/2020 10:19

Money Is very tight but a baby only costs as much or little as you want him or her to..

If only that were true! My eldest couldn't breastfeed, so that was around £50 per month on formula. She was also very windy, so an extra £15 or so per month on Dentinox and gripe water. Another £10 for nappies. And my second pregnancy was twins (another risk that increases with age). I'm not saying don't have another, but do think carefully about whether you can afford to.

Velveteal · 09/02/2020 11:28

Teens and young adults are also incredibly expensive especially if you’re going to help them with driving lessons, uni, house deposit etc

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/02/2020 11:30

Stick with the four you already have, that’s plenty.

Original poster
Isla363 · 09/02/2020 12:56

To be honest I didnt expect so many negative posts.
I appreciate everyones thoughts. So thank you..
I'm asking now because yes my partner is on board and my eldest two are very supportive.
When I say money is tight I meant I dont have money to build another room.. not feed my children! I should have been clearer.
My question really is is it a phase that lasts years?
It's not a whim thought, I wanted another child after I had my youngest I just didnt.
I had the coil fitted to be sensible and give myself the chance to plan.
4 children IS plenty but I I always wanted a large family, my age and judgment is my main issue.

Thank you all for your comments

OP posts:
Velveteal · 09/02/2020 15:00

You did say that money was ‘very tight’ in your op that’s hugely different to not being able to extend your home. If you can comfortably afford another then go for it.

MyDcAreMarvel · 09/02/2020 15:03

You are not too old, and other peoples opinions with the exception of your DH’s are irrelevant.

Elbeagle · 09/02/2020 15:04

You can’t have another baby because you ‘crave neediness’. It’s an awful reason to bring another life into the world.

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