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Original poster

"can I bring a friend?"

11 replies

MadamFlutterby · 07/02/2020 19:59

I've booked a cheeky mid week break at a popular family resort for Feb half term - just DH, me and our teen.

our Teen has asked if a friend can cone too. We are fairly open to the idea, but not sure how to approach this with friends parents.

Have any of you done something similar?
What was your approach in inviting?
Did you have expectations of a contribution tiwards cost from the friends parents?
Or were they a guest at your own expense?
Did it go well - was the break a success?
If it didn't go well, what pitfalls did you come across?

I realise this is all very last minute and other parents may have made plans already, so this might not happen.

Need advice and need it quick if I am to do an invite, bearing in mind Feb half term is almost upon us.

Tia

OP posts:

Spied · 07/02/2020 20:15

No, but my DS has been asked and gone on a short break with his friend's family.
Boy's mum told me their holiday plans and told me DS was welcome to join them as her DS would love him to and it would be nice for him to have a pal. She said no pressure and just to have a think and let her know by X. She also said I didn't need to worry about cost of accommodation or food.
He took £40 with him (that I gave to the mum for safe-keeping) to spend at the local attraction and for ice-cream. He had a great five days and returned with his £40 as the family refused to allow him to pay.

JJ12 · 07/02/2020 20:19

I would get your teen to ask her friend if she would like to come if she does she can ask her parents. If they say yes then give them a call to confirm times dates etc, it’s a great idea teens are harder to amuse than younger kids and they will enjoy it so much better with a friend there. Money wise I would just cover the cost of the holiday and food and if friend wants to bring spending money for souvenirs etc then that would be a good compromise although it would depend on your financial circs if you could afford to do this.

Original poster

MadamFlutterby · 07/02/2020 20:43

.... anyone else?

OP posts:

LochJessMonster · 07/02/2020 20:49

We use to invite friends on holiday with us all the time, and I use to go away with my best friends family.

Just ask the parents!
Generally just get them to bring spending money (but my parents alway have me money to pay for a meal out for the host parents)
Goes well because the kids hang out together and leave you alone!

MovingBriskyOn · 07/02/2020 20:52

Agree with above.
We have an only and have often borrowed a friend to make it more enjoyable for DD.

I think you expect to pay, but don't refuse any offers.
And make it clear 'extra treats' such as extra ice creams or souvenirs need to be paid for by the child.

Also make it clear you expect to enforce your rules, such as how much independence, etc

For us it's always worked out really well

Rugbylife · 07/02/2020 20:52

Have taken quite a few different friends of my 3 sons over the years, never asked for anything towards our trip or food but did request they brought spending money for arcades/games or anything they wanted in gift shops etc.

Original poster

MadamFlutterby · 07/02/2020 21:05

I think my only worry is out of the friends possible, my teen is keen on inviting the only one that isn't the best influence. How do I deal with that scenario?

OP posts:

TrainspottingWelsh · 07/02/2020 21:07

Yes, done it both ways, with both dc.
Each occasion the dc discussed it between themselves first, then as the host I called the other parents to confirm details. Reverse when my dc were invited and the other parents rang me.

The occasions we've hosted, we've paid. But equally we volunteered and expected to pay in full when our dc have been invited, and did so on one occasion.

Generally it's been the custom with both dc's peer groups to pay for flights and spending money, but to a large extent it depends on finances. I wouldn't expect a struggling family to pay for their dc when they hadn't budgeted for it, nor would I expect them to budget for my dc to have a lovely holiday.

No pitfalls but on every occasion the dc were long-standing friends so no real arguments. Except the time they both invited friends that didn't get on with each other but that isn't relevant in your case.

rookiemere · 07/02/2020 21:12

Yes we've taken pals on UK break and then once on a foreign trip. For the foreign trip we did ask the other parents to pay for flights, but we covered all activities and food when there. Went well but I think a week is a long time ( DS was 11 at the time) but other than that was great for DS to have company.

Ouchaheadinmybehind · 07/02/2020 21:51

If I was letting teen invite a friend then I wouldn’t expect anything for accommodation or food, just spending money.

teen is keen on inviting the only one that isn't the best influence

How much influence can they have if you are with them? You could just suggest asking another friend or keep everything crossed that one is busy. Or you could just say it’s a family holiday and not invite a friend at all.

Spied · 07/02/2020 22:32

I'd ask the parents before you get DD to ask and discuss it with her friend.
Could cause all sorts of upsets at home if the friend thinks they have chance of a holiday and parents say no. Parents won't think very fondly of you either.

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