Advice for new single parent.

[rosetintedspectacles]

My husband walked out few weeks ago, and we’ve separated since. Our children are both under 4, and I’m a full time student. I feel like I’m grieving my husband, but having to shut down those feelings just so I can get on with the practical tasks of being a good Mum to the children, and running the house etc.

Any top tips you swear by or practical advice for a beginner lone parent?

Thank you.

Take your time. It's a huge process. Have faith that you'll come around and adjust.

And take any help or offer of support that is offered. It's absolutely ok to do this. Friends want to help. Make it work for you.

You are stronger than you know.

what you are feeling is normal, for the first few weeks I was just getting through the day. I am probably not the best person to advise as I am just muddling through myself.

My ex is awful so I am not grieving for him in the same way. You are in charge now so you do anything you want to make things easier for yourself. I went to bed at the same time as DS for a while as I was shattered and I could never get back to sleep when he woke up in the night.

Simplify everything in your life. Get your shopping delivered. Try and minimise house work look at doing the organise mum method.

If you have family and friends nearby let them help you. It is very early days and you sound like you have had a shock. Try and do something nice for yourself even if it is only something small.

Be kind to you - that’s the best advice I can give (and in the more practical side get the morning routine stuff out the night before, gives you a head start feel to the day that helps to carry you through on the bad ones).
And there’s nothing wrong in treating yourself occasionally and not just the children - a £ shop mace mask still does the trick for me even now!

Get as much sleep as you can and eat properly.

Train your children to start helping in the home if they don’t already, so things into washing basket and dishwasher/sink, tidying up after themselves

I’ve been in exactly the same position as you. That was six years ago now nearly to the day. Only difference was that whilst he split with me, I moved out to be closer to friends and family for practical support.

I won’t sugarcoat, it took a good couple of years to go through the whole grieving process. But after that, I LOVED my new life. Whilst I’ve been through loads of really crap stuff in the last four years, I still know that I’m happier than I was when we were together. And that’s what counts.

Be kind to yourself. Make sure you keep wine/chocolate/ice cream (whatever is your comfort food/drink) stocked as it’s difficult to adjust to not being able to pop out once the kids are in bed.

Don’t expect too much of yourself. If you are having a crap day, as long as the kids are fed and happy, you’ve done well!

Do nurture your friendships, don’t dump it all on one friend.

One day you will look back on this post and it will be hard to remember how you felt.

Big hugs, you can do this xxxx

Do whatever you have to do to survive and always keep emergency bread and milk in the freezer

It's so tough at first, but you'll get into a routine and find your new normal. You've got this

Try to be as organised as possible. I found it hard not having someone else who could nip to the shops if, for example, my little boy was ill and we were stuck in the house. Make sure you have a stock of basic medicines in (Calpol, paracetamol, sore throat sweets) for you and the kids just in case. I always have a carton of UHT milk in the cupboard and a loaf of bread in the freezer for this reason too.

If you have room in the freezer, make double portions of dinners, then you can have a night off cooking when you're tired.

I used to be very houseproud, but I've come to realise that the world won't come to an end if I don't dust my skirting boards

Make time for you. I find I have to schedule this in and literally put it on my to-do list, otherwise it doesn't get done! Even if it's just one evening a week where you don't do any chores and instead sit down with some chocolate and watch something on Netflix. It makes a difference. I second what PPs say about getting enough rest and going to bed ridiculously early if possible.

Make sure you’re claiming what you’re entitled to including Winter fuel allowance.

Order shopping online and keep milk and bread in the freezer, calpol and paracetamol in the cupboard, as you won’t be able to pop out on a night to get some once the DCs are in bed.

As part of the bedtime routine put out the clothes you’re all going to wear the next day.

If you don’t have a washing machine or washer/dryer with 9 or 10kg drum get one. It saves on water, detergent and more importantly your time.

No real advice, as I am in exactly the same boat (h left between Xmas and New year). Agree with being kind to yourself. Do allow yourself time to grieve though...write down your feelings or talk to someone.
Is there any support you can access through university/college? Sometimes they have access to counselling which will help you process all your emotions.
If he has gone check what benefits you may be entitled to?
Meal plan!
Sending you

Thank you all so much, so many things I’d not thought of! Thank you :)

The first few weeks are tough. I rearranged a few things and put things out I liked (that ex didn’t). Small step away from “us” and towards “me”.

I also painted the hallway another colour. Psychological for me to claim the house and also a psychological barrier to stop him coming in the house automatically when I opened the door.

Sleep is really important. Really cannot stress that enough. If you aren’t already in a good sleep routine for both you and your DC then make that a priority. You can’t function when you aren’t getting enough sleep and that when everything starts to spiral. Make sleep your priority.

Regular meals- eat breakfast lunch and dinner and make them good healthy stuff. Loads of easy and filling slow cooker recipes online for these dark winter days.

Speak to someone every day. Even if its just the newsagent when you’re buying toilet roll. Or calling your mum or sister to see how their day was. Being a single parent can be very isolating. Ideally get out of the house everyday but if you can’t then use your phone and speak to someone.

Set up a calendar of treats for both you and the DC. Having things to look forward too really makes the weeks easier to get through when your struggling. It doesn’t have to be £££ things. When my DC were small and I was skint I started a weekly movie night. I got a bag of unpopped popcorn (they loved to hear it pop) and we’d find something on TV and I hyped it up for them to make it feel like a real special treat. They’re now 10 and 14 and we still do movie night every weekend. They love it. It’s our little family tradition and I’m so glad I started it all those years ago. Other things you can do is search local Facebook pages and internet to see what’s on locally for families- free and cheap the better. Don’t be shy about asking around for recommendations too. Groupon vouchers etc.