If you’re in Lancashire, dome or all of Albert and the Lion:
Albert and the Lion
Thurs a famous seaside place called Blackpool, thats noted fur fresh air an fun, an Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom, went thur with Albert, thur son.
A grand likley lad were young Albert, all dressed in his best, quite a swell, id a stick wee an orses ed andle, the finest that Woolworths could sell.
Nah, thi dint think much tu thocean , waves wur all figgly an small, thur wur no wrecks an nobody drownded, fact, nowt much to laugh at adall.
So, seeking fur further amusement, thi paid un went into the zoo, thi wur lions an tigers an camuls, an owld ale an sandwiches too.
thur were one owd Lion called Wallace; is nose wur all covered in scars, anny lay in a somnolent posture, wi the side of his ed uptu bars.
Albert ud urd ALL about Lions, an ow thi were ferocious an wild-an tu see Wallace lying, so peaceful, well, it dint seem reet tu child.
So straightaway, brave little fella, not showin a morsel of fear, took the stick....wi thorses ead andle, an poked it in Wallaces ear.
Well, you could see as the Lion dint like it, an givin a kind of a roll, pulled Albert inside the cage with im, un swallowed the little lad, ole.
Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence, un din know what to do next, Shouted, "Mother! Yon Lions ett Albert", an Mother said "Eeeeeh, I am vexed!"
Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom....quite rightly, when alls said and done, complained to the Animal keeper, that the Lion had etten their son.
Now the keeper was quite nice about it, an he said "what a nasty mishap, are you sure its thi boy thad hes etten?" Pa said "yeh" an proved it by showin his cap.
Well, the Manager had to be sent for, an he came an he said "Wats tu do? Pa said "Yon Lions just ett our Albert, an im in his Sunday best too."
Then Mother said "Luckeer young fella, Ah think its a shame an a sin, fur your lion tu go and eat Albert, an after wi paid to come in."
The Manager wanted no trouble, so he took out his purse right away, sayin "how much to settle the matter?" said Pa, "What dyu usually pay?"
But Mother had turned reet awkward, when she thowt wur her Albert had gone.."No! someones got to be summonsed!" said she, and that was decided upon.
Then off they went to the Police station, in front of the magistrate chap, they told im what happened to Albert, an proved it by showing his cap.
The magistrate gave his opinion, an that no-one were really to blame, And he said that he "hoped the Ramsbottoms, would av further sons to thur name."
At that, Mother got proper blazin, an "thank you sir kindly", said she, "What,. waste all mi life rearing childer? Tu feed bloody Lions? NOT ME".