Accepting that you will not have any more children?

[dredrd]

Any tips on dealing with this?

We are very lucky to have one but really wanted more and it hasn't happened ( except for one ending in early miscarriage) I'm now 43 so looking increasingly unlikely

I feel like I need to just move on and accept it instead of wondering every month and then being disappointed.

How did you get over it if you have been through this?

my one and only pregnancy was twins, which sadly ended with my daughter dying at 11 weeks post birth (my son is still alive) after that, i was told id sustained too much internal damage to ever have any more children. Even though i never saw myself with children, it still hurt, to have that choice taken away from me. I don't think you ever 'get over it' i think you just learn to live with it tbh. I wish i could tell you how to just move on but i suppose its different for everyone, i guess i just threw myself into doing things that i could only do with one child, things for him, things just for me. it doesnt fill the hole completely but it eases the gap. i'm sorry about your miscarriage

I'm struggling with this too. We'd pretty much decided we didn't want anymore, but I think I always thought it the back of my mind that another one would come along at some point, but no issues if not.

Then I had to have a hysterectomy.

I do have low moments but I just focus on our kiddo and the fact that we can give him an amazing life, whereas with two we would have had to give up some of the luxuries etc.

Sorry for both of your losses.

Sorry to hear others are in this situation too.

It's so hard isn't it?

I had my one and only at 38, then DH really didn't want any more. I found it very painful for a number of years, but now that my natural childbearing years are over, it rarely bothers me tbh. I can now see why he didn't want more, and am content with the pretty perfect son I got.

Time will help, probably, as will the deepening relationship with your lovely child

Thanks and glad to hear it gets easier with age!

We are still seeing what happens but I think I know deep down it's too late .. I'm not quite ready to shut the door yet though and the baby things are still in the loft. Next year I think I can sell them!

Having one child is amazing and I think whatever happens we will all be fine..

I'm just going to trust in the universe... what will be will be and I'll make the most of it!

My DH didn't want any more after DD. She is his 3rd but my 1st (only!) and my DSC live with us so we are already busy and financially stretched. Logically I know he's right but watching our NCT group have 2nd and 3rd babies was hard. It is a bit better now some time has passed. DD needs a lot of input and although I think she'd love a baby sibling I think she'd be a bit lost without that from me.

I had ds when I was 6 weeks off my 38th birthday, tried for another for 6 years had 4 m/cs & a hysterectomy just after my marriage ended. It was hard to accept at first but now I never really think about it.

I'm struggling badly with this right now too. Both my DC are from a previous relationship and I would love to have DC with DH but it's been years with absolutely nothing.

We have been slowly coming to terms with the fact that we don't think it will ever happen for us and then a close friend told us she was expecting. It's hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. It's hard to stay happy for her and her DP when literally every day I'm getting messages from her about the pregnancy and she knew we had been trying for years.

Same here. I have two lovely boys already, and a third would stretch us. We tried for two years, but nothing, and I am peri menopausal. I'm trying to focus on things I can do now that the boys are getting older.

Glad I am not alone!

Some days are easier than others

I think I was well over it by 43; in my case the reasons for not conceiving a second child are complex and some are definitely choice.
Everything worked out well with one child, child was happy, lots of friends so I have no regrets.

In your position I would count my blessings; there may always be a little pain - a pang - for the children you never had but your life could be massive! Your child with grow in stature and confidence.

Don't be sad, op.

In our case it’s been about being very rational. We’re not even going to try despite both quite liking the idea of a third. We are bloody lucky to have two healthy DSs and I am nearly 40 (DH is younger). Number 3...might not be healthy and that would put strain on our sons, I would be less available for them for a bit, would be expensive (we could run to it but lots of the treats would be more difficult) and would put the kybosh on early retirement.

I’m so sorry for those of you where it isn’t an active choice.

I'm an only and I have one DS conceived by IVF. I'd love another but subsequent rounds have failed. Being an only myself I know there are advantages to being an only and tell myself all the time (more money etc) but it does still affect me when others announce more pregnancies

Please count your blessings and be grateful every day for the fact that you have a DC. The pain of complete infertility and rounds of failed treatment is far greater. Channel your desire for another child into active love for your child - spend time with him, explore places, do activities. With infertility there is really nowhere to channel that love.