How do you stop feeling shitty about other people being pregnant when you wish so bad it was you?

[WoodliceInSunderland]

Just that really. I'm very lucky to have managed one DC after so many years and I thought I was coming to terms with that being it for our family but DH has just come home and told me that his mate and mates's girlfriend are expecting and I'm struggling to cope with my feelings.
I said it was nice but straight away DH is saying " Aren't you happy for them?" I just feel so sad.

I know I'm such a bitch for being jealous but I am. I can't talk to DH about it so just wanted to say it to someone.

Obviously I'm going to fake it and be thrilled for them, especially when I see them but inside I just want to cry.

Anyone else ever feel like this and have any helpful advice please?

• badly

Watching because I’m in the same place as you. I wondered whether I need counselling.

Thanks for replying @Needallthesleep, it helps to know it's not just me who has these feelings.

I cried from half way through a family christening once.
You are not alone.
You have 1 DC, and time will help.
(We ended up adopting).

I've been there and what helped was the realisation that nobody would stop having babies because I couldn't have any more.
The world turns, babies are born...it was always a bit of a shock? downer? I don't know, it was something when friends got pregnant but once I was over that it was fine. When you realise that to make you feel better, you're really sort of asking that nobody has any more babies - you stop feeling it!

And all the best, I hope it happens for all those who want it! It didn't for me and things are good all the same.

You aren’t a bitch. It’s a perfectly understandable way to feel. Take care of yourself

You’re not a bitch for feeling jealous. It’s really hard.

Been there too OP. I used to sob after anyone told me their news and be down for a good while afterwards.

A bit like @nibdedibble says, once I came to realise that they weren't taking a baby away from me, I found it easier. My mum was very forthright with me one day when talking about it and made that point.

Big hugs.

You're not a bitch, it's really hard. Being envious is a normal human thing to feel.

I'm in the same boat and have just arranged counselling to help me deal with it. I can't go on like this.

You don't. You just have to give yourself a set time in which to feel as shitty as you like and then when that time is up, switch off and force yourself to think about other things.
You are allowed to avoid people if you have to. And if that's not possible (close friends and family) then just go through the motions and make sure you have some private time afterwards in which to indulge feeling super shitty about it. Let it out, don't deny it. It's a very painful state to be in.

Thank you all so much.

DH does not get it, he's making me feel like it's just me being ridiculous. All I ever get from him if I admit to feeling sad about anything is, "You have to focus on the positives, no point thinking about what could have been." Which makes me feel even worse, like I'm not appreciating my beautiful DC.

The pain is less than when I was totally childless but it's different because I'm forced into situations now which I could avoid before. At playgroups and nursery pick up, I hear all the other parents and grandparents talking about how different it is with the second one and how lovely sibling bonds are.

I try really hard to tune it out and to remind myself that it's not always great and a lot of hard work but for some reason, this latest news has really hit me.

I know she will be planning baby showers etc (not my thing) and expecting loads of attention and DH will be watching me for any signs I'm not over the moon, ready to have a go at me.

It’s hard, I just used to say I was going to give myself the time and self care needed.
Xh always said one and one only and would be expected to do the ‘correct’ thing as no such thing as a happy accident.........he left me for a younger woman and a few years down the line announced her surprise pregnancy. I’d been half expecting it but was gutted. I didn’t feel anything negative to get or the baby but hated him for having the child he always said he didn’t want and I did......

Sorry to hear your husband is not very empathetic towards how you’re feeling. It’s really a very normal, human response. You shouldn’t have to fake happiness with the person you’re closest to. Maybe positive thinking is his way of dealing with the grief of secondary infertility. But everyone is different and it’s ok to feel sad.