How to be content in the here and now

[LittleRa]

How are you content in the “here and now”? I find my mind is constantly racing. Sitting in living room thinking about whether I should get a new sofa, what type I’d get, what colour. Start googling sofas, interior design. Glance out the window and start thinking about how I need a shed in the garden... will I get one built or will DP be able to do it? Will it need foundations laid? DD is only 5yo, I’m always thinking about middle school catchment (we live in a first school, middle school, high school schooling area), there are 4 middle schools in the area to choose from so which would be best, which will get friends go to? We’re slightly out of catchment for the one with the best reputation so should we move? Thinking about the Summer holidays. DD is going away for a week with her Dad, so do DP and I plan to go away the same week just us, or should we take DD away on a different week? Or both... or neither? Cue lots of googling different holidays, flights, hotels. Thinking about possibly starting ttc with DP; when? What about work? Should we move house?

I can never seem to just be content in the moment and am always in overdrive, thinking, planning/stressing, not making decisions, it’s beginning to stress me out! Anyone else the same? Any tips?

Just me?

Not just you, no advice but I’m really hoping someone comes along with some tips because I drive myself crazy!

When I catch myself doing it I force myself to stop and think of two or three things that I like already about the living room/garden/whatever I’m obsessing about. Sometimes works!

Glad it’s not just me! I’m a teacher (don’t get me started on my mind racing regarding things to do with school...) and we teach mindfulness to the children, I should really try it myself but I do find silence difficult and always like to have radio/podcast/tv playing in the background plus usually searching for something on my phone and half reading an article. I’m a bit over-stimulated maybe, adding to the not-content-in-the-here-and-now feeling!

The only thing I’ve found that really helps is meditation. I used to have the kind of mind you describe but all that thinking has reduced massively for me. If my mind starts being overactive (usually after I’ve had a particularly busy day or something) I’m able to switch it off fairly easily now.

I can be like this too. I think our phones are part of the problem as the temptation to start researching things right there and then is too great. Literally as soon as something springs to mind you can be reading about it in seconds on your phone. I am definitely more relaxed and mind stops racing when I put my phone out of reach for the evening.

I find exercise, reading or cooking something complicated are good 'distractions'

Definitely agree about phones and the temptation to immediately research any thought that pops into your head. Exercise would definitely be good. Even just a walk. As the nights get lighter I will do this on nights when DD is at her Dad’s. I live in walking distance from the beach so walks there with no aural or technological stimulation will be a good starting point.

Have a bath? Go to a yoga class, take a walk , do some meditation, do a crossword. I hear what you’re saying OP and I get it, but imo life is too short for sitting there and letting your mind race!! Get up and do something distracting as such. I’m also a teacher and I can hand on my heart tell you that I haven’t thought about school since 3.15 today!! You need to do yourself favour and leave it there!! Trust the process with some things and just realise that you can’t control everything unfortunately. It’s hard but it’s doable!!

Practicing gratitude has helped me significantly. Also, watching the Minimalists docu on Netflix a couple of years ago and subsequently listening to their podcasts has really changed my mindset on the constant ‘wanting’.

I am exactly the same!

Ohh @Lipperfromchipper I definitely need tips on how to switch off from school. As well as being a class teacher I’m the school SENCO and I wake up in the night in cold sweats thinking about X’s referral to speech and language and X’s ehcp paperwork and need to phone X’s parents to arrange a meeting...

I could have written your post.
Putting the phone away helps. Turning the tv off and being in a silent home.
Going for a walk to think things through.
I am trying to multi-task less, and really see each task to the end.

OP I am of the kind that worrying and overthinking is POINTLESS it gets you no where only in a tizz and it steals what could be a peaceful moment!! You need to find something that you can do..,I like crosswords! Whenever I start to overthink or worry then I pick up
My crossword book...and in minutes I have switched off.

Here are my favourite worry quotes:

If you want to test your memory try to think of what you were worrying about this moment last year.

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something but it never gets you anywhere.

But worrying(say about your special needs students) doesn't actually achieve anything, does it?

Plus there's a lot of research about how you can get your best ideas only if you let your mind rest - so doing something meditative and repetitive like washing up or weeding or knitting(no podcasts in the background!) and just switching off.
All that mind racing might appear useful but actually just wears you out and distracts you from living your real life...

I don’t do this at all, I am very much in the here and now

The downside is that I never book holidays until all good flights/places are booked up, and we often have half terms with nothing planned

But the kids quite like that, mostly

I’ve got adhd so I experience this ten fold!

Things I find help:

Limit screen time
Immerse yourself in things you enjoy (gets progressively easier when you limit screen time)
Exercise
Socialise

Have you read 'The power of now', Eckhart Tolle? It gives some really good tips and tricks on how to quieten and focus (you don't need to be spiritually enlightened to get it either, it's also a really good tool)

@Cassandrainthenight Oh I know; when I think about stuff I need to do at work, I do think “well what am I going to do about it now? I can’t ring X’s parents at 4am, can I?” Doesn’t stop the thoughts popping up. And the other non-work related stuff, I sort of can do something about those whenever they pop up, well- by searching for something on my phone.

Yes I feel the same!

should really try it myself but I do find silence difficult

This gave me a smile.

I teach yoga and often have people tell me they can't come to class because they're not flexible. Similarly paradoxical.

It's like saying you're too dirty to take a bath.

But looking for advice on this topic online... it's more of the same, right? Just the shed in a different form

I know you know this, though – so what's the smallest way you can start?

What if you just aim for 10 seconds a day?

Then once you're there, maybe you do more, maybe you don't.

Can you do a 10 second mindfulness exercise right now?

@Taddda Thanks for the recommendation, I’ll take a look at the book.

I’d actually love to get into writing/creative writing or articles. I have an English degree, though I’ve been a primary teacher for over 10 years. I wonder if dedicating some time to writing could help. I have a dozen half formed short story ideas but no real craft/skills for writing them!