Feel low and DM has made me feel worse.

[BlueMoon1103]

My DS is ill yet again and we’re missing our fave baby group as I need to get him to the Dr. I’ve been feeling really low at the moment and these groups literally save my sanity, to top it off we had plans with friends this afternoon we’ve not had to cancel due to DS being unwell. I’m a single Mum and the majority of my friends live a long way from us so there aren’t many people I socialise with, I’ve made new friends since DS was born but we all work etc. so don’t live in each other’s pockets.

I was upset this morning about DS being poorly and our plans being cancelled and the prospect of a day alone just us again with him being ill and miserable and bored and I told my DM this, she said ‘well if you were more grateful for the things you have and we do for you you might not be so miserable’. I now feel even worse and just really need someone to talk to as prior to having DS me and DM were very close and she was the person I would go to but since I had him she has zero understanding or sympathy for me anymore so I just feel like I have no one now. I don’t want to worry my friends who are far away as it’s not fair on them.

A lot of people have to re-evaluate their parents when they become parents themselves.
Don't give her the opportunity to make you feel worse in future.

You're doing the best thing by missing club if he's poorly. Hopefully he is back to full health again soon.

Ignore your DM, her words sounded clumsy.

She's just saying count your blessings, which is always good advice. It's a glorious day - can't you wrap Ds up warm and go out and enjoy the sunshine?

@StillCounting123 I sort of get that but there are nicer ways of saying that and I’m pretty sure that kind of thing is high on the list of DON’TS to say to someone struggling with their MH.

Oh dear. I think you've upset your mum somewhere so now she's struggling to sympathise with you

Oh OP, it sounds very hard.
Having children can be very lonely at times.

Is this type of remark indicative of your mother since you had your baby?

If so it reads as if she might be pissed off that you had him and has decided to take the tone of "you made your bed, now you have to lie on it".

It's an extremely unhelpful attitude to take but not unheard of.

Perhaps you can ask her is she irritated with you?
You could gently point out that you are struggling with loneliness and a little sympathy would go a long way.

I was the first of my friends to have a baby a long, long time ago.

I remember the isolation and loneliness very well.

Not fun.

Wishing you well.

Get out of the house for a walk to the park if you can.💐

I would agree that’s how it sounds which is odd because I struggled with infertility before having him and she was thrilled when I got pregnant and managed not to miscarry and really excited to be a grandparent. She sees him plenty so I don’t think it’s resentment I don’t let her see him either. We are going out, I’ve got to take him to the Dr so not exactly fun but at least it’s out.

It’s not so much getting out, it more socialising that I rely on or I start to feel very isolated.

Is it possible that your mum is feeling jealous or displaced? You say you were close before so if you used to spend a lot of time and energy on your mum but now you’re focused on your son (and rightly so) then could she be feeling left out?

Yes I agree with @PrincessSarene, although you should focus on your son, it may be hard for your mum

Are you always ringing your mum when something goes wrong? Like when DS is poorly, or you can't meet up with friends?
Sounds to me that she's just telling you you've not got it too bad (although clumsy with her wording.)

Maybe offer to meet up with your mum instead? Ask her to come round?

@PickleMyPepper I didn’t call her, she came round and asked what we were doing today.

Ok, so does it seem as though whenever you speak to her there's always something the matter?

It really does seem to me as though she's asking you to remember your blessings (so to speak.)

No, I don’t actually usually tell her how I am unless she asks because she has fork for saying stuff like that that just makes me feel guilty for being low. @PickleMyPepper she wasn’t like this until DS was born.

It sounds like she came to see you to help and you were moaning about not seeing your friends. Your dm is probably thinking “well I’m here, what about me?”
Try to look at it from your dm’s point of view - although she maybe could have phrased it differently.
Being alone with your baby must be hard and I do sympathise - I think she’s probably trying to stop you from ‘spiralling’ but you are not in the right frame of mind to hear any perceived criticism.

Starting to think it was a mistake posting on here as lots of posters seems to think she had a point! Maybe the problem is me.

Don’t look on it like that - you sound very down. Just try to see it from her perspective - does she have form for deliberately trying to belittle you? Some people just don’t cope well with others having depression. My own dB has it bad at the moment and I feel like I never know what to say as nothing seems to help. Maybe she sees you’re miserable but doesn’t really know how to help? Maybe Try talking to her about how her comment made you feel?
I had issues with my own dm and comments she often made that I felt were passive-aggressive or bitchy (things like “have you put on weight?” or “what, you’re having another biscuit!”) - it would make me seethe. I started pulling her up on it every time she did it and explained to her that it really wasn’t helpful or nice to make those comments. I continued to flag it to her every time she did it. She doesn’t really do it anymore because she knows I find it unacceptable. Maybe your dm needs it spelling out? Tell her that sometimes you just want a moan and you’d appreciate her just listening - that you’re not always looking for advice.