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Original poster

What would you do: cleaner or holiday?

20 replies

Cremebrule · 05/02/2020 10:11

We got a cleaner while I was on mat leave with no.2 as our house was a tip. Now the baby is in a better routine, I think we don’t really need her so much but it has been nice to not have to worry. When I go back to work (part-time) I won’t really be earning much after childcare so it will be a choice of cleaner or money to save for a holiday or fun things. Based on what we’ve been paying, the cost of the cleaner would be £2100 per year for 3 hours a week.

My husband isn’t fussed either way but his position is that he does really long hours and doesn’t want to do any cleaning which is why we got the cleaner in the first place. If we get rid, it’ll be on me to do the cleaning. He’d do other jobs like washing, cooking or ironing so isn’t being totally lazy domestically but it may well annoy me in time as cleaning was one of the things we argued about before we got our cleaner.

So... what would you do?

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 05/02/2020 10:13

So your DH would rather have a cleaner and give up a holiday, is that right?

NoSquirrels · 05/02/2020 10:14

Sorry - you did say he “isn’t fussed either way” but that’s not true, is it?

The choice is: cleaner or holiday?

Not: holiday, but I also won’t do any cleaning.

Original poster

Cremebrule · 05/02/2020 10:19

Yes that’s true. The choice I guess is do I want to do the cleaning so we can have a holiday. Obviously the ideal would be we both shared it but I’m realistic enough to know that’s unlikely.

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Caspianberg · 05/02/2020 10:22

Could you reduce the time instead?

3 hrs every fortnight for example would half the annual bill, but still allow for main things like bathrooms and kitchen to get a deeper clean every fortnight, and things dusted etc. Then between you, both take over the weekly hoovering and general clean or whatever

NoSquirrels · 05/02/2020 10:25

do I want to do the cleaning so we can have a holiday

Do I want to do the cleaning so we can have a holiday...

I think that you need to push harder for your ideal, actually.

Do as Caspuan suggests and have a fortnightly clean. Then get your DH on board with specific tasks that equal your unpaid labour in the house. Be stubborn.

SallyWD · 05/02/2020 10:30

Yes a fortnightly clean is better than nothing and a cheaper holiday.

Dowser · 05/02/2020 11:32

Holiday..definitely

ritzbiscuits · 05/02/2020 11:47

If money is so tight I'd always favour a holiday. You can't afford a cleaner and it's something you can do yourselves.

It's unacceptable for DH to say he won't help with cleaning. Look at division of labour and a few short cuts.

As a minimum, I dust fortnightly. It doesn't take long. Was using the main hoover weekly but now using a robot hoover for ease in many areas.

Husband is responsible for full cleaning of kitchen and bathroom. The kitchen gets cleaned/tidied regularly after dinner anyway. One of us wipes sink/toilet with disposable wipes every few days.

Otherwise, whoever isn't doing bedtime with DS, does a daily quick tidy for maybe 15 mins.

It's really not that difficult to keep a general level of maintenance on your home.

PlausibleSuit · 05/02/2020 11:50

He's unilaterally absented himself from cleaning, forcing you to make a choice that isn't a choice.

It feels like the unspoken judgement is: scruffy house = your fault, no holiday = also your fault. Bad relationship dynamics this way lie.

I'd go back to the discussion and thrash it out some more because I think you're being edged into Shit Compromise Wankery here, based on his working hours and (now) higher earning 'status'.

I wonder if he thinks you'll 'have more time to do it', which shows a lack of understanding about the realities of life with small humans.

Nixen · 05/02/2020 11:59

Fortnightly cleaner and keep it ticking over yourself in the meantime. That’s what we do. Also realistic to know that my DH will do fuck all cleaning so when I returned after mat leave I told him we’d be getting one - I work part time to raise my daughter, not clean toilets

Nixen · 05/02/2020 12:00

Meant to say I wouldn’t sacrifice travel as I need at least one holiday a year - if it was a straight choice between affording travel or a cleaner I’d choose travel but maybe if you make a few changes you can afford both

zsazsajuju · 05/02/2020 12:01

Cleaner definitely

fedupandlookingforchange · 05/02/2020 12:02

If housework causes arguments keep the cleaner, although every fortnight should be fine if you do a bit of cleaning in between. You need to come to an agreement with shared responsibility for housework and that may include a cleaner.
We have a cleaner monthly as housework does cause issues and DH does hoover downstairs and clean the kitchen and bathroom regularly but never sees any dust, doesn't hoover upstairs. Monthly keeps things clean without me having to do the big clean.

zasknbg · 05/02/2020 12:04

Keep the cleaner for now. Holidays with babies/toddlers are not actually holidays. Go away when they are older.

Aposterhasnoname · 05/02/2020 12:06

Go for the cleaner. Pound to a bucket of ferrets he’s expecting you to say holiday, then he gets to fob you off saying it was your choice if you ask him for help. Give it a few months and he’ll be whinging that he wants a holiday, and will suddenly be more willing to do the cleaning.

Source: I had an ex do exactly this.

hazelnutlatte · 05/02/2020 12:15

The suggestion of fortnightly cleaner is good, or keep it weekly but for half the time? My cleaner comes for 1.5hrs and just does kitchen and bathrooms. You will still have £1000 for a holiday which is plenty when you have a baby or toddler - there is not much point in expensive holidays with little ones

billy1966 · 05/02/2020 12:31

OP, I would be having a further discussion with your husband.

Are you planning on more children?
If between the two of you, you can't work it out without outside help, I would be having a good hard look at things.

A cleaner will not pick up the total slack that comes with children.

Changeembrace · 05/02/2020 12:38

You’re home lots atm and already staying to think you don’t need to regularly

When you’re back at work - less time at home, less mess

Once a fortnight 3 hour deep clean (no surfaces or tidying. Instead proper deep bathroom clean etc).

Husband works full time and long hours. He takes on one “big” job - vacuuming throughout once a week?

And then you have money for a holiday

Changeembrace · 05/02/2020 12:40

I meant a cleaner for once a fortnight for the deep clean

Original poster

Cremebrule · 05/02/2020 14:35

Eek so no mumsnet consensus. I’m torn. I hadn’t thought about fortnightly so that might be an option if the agency will let me.

Billy1966 Plenty of people with two parents working have some sort of help- it doesn’t mean they need to take a hard look at themselves.

I also agree holidays with small people aren’t exactly relaxing which is why he’s not that fussed. Once we’re not doing double nursery it won’t either or.

OP posts:

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