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How to say no, politely?!

7 replies

ellsbellls · 05/02/2020 09:18

Apologies in advance if this comes across in any way boastful, mean or ungrateful. I don't mean it to.

I am lucky enough to have a number of different friendship groups from different parts of my life. I do my best to keep up with them all as much as possible- work, kids, family permitting. For context, I'm early 40s. But it never seems to be enough and I feel under constant pressure to commit to dates for spa days, weekends away, meals out etc..

Last night, two different groups were trying to arrange a date for a dinner for the next few weeks (I've seen both groups within the past month). I politely tried to say to both groups not to arrange things around me and I would join if I could, but am now being asked for dates that I am free!

The truth is I just don't want to make any more commitments. I find too many social engagements more of a chore these days. I really don't want to be rude and I don't want to cut any of my friends off (I do love them and enjoy seeing them, just not all the time!) but how do I say this so that they will listen?!

OP posts:
inwood · 05/02/2020 09:44

Tell them the truth. You're a bit hectic at the moment and can't commit to anything please crack on without me.

JigsawsAreInPieces · 05/02/2020 09:50

I politely tried to say to both groups not to arrange things around me and I would join if I could, but am now being asked for dates that I am free

This is what's muddying the water.

As @inwood says just tell them you can't commit to anything at the moment. don't tell them you'll join if you can otherwise they will try to accommodate you.

ellsbellls · 05/02/2020 09:51

Thanks for your reply.

I have said that and basically had the response of 'give us a date you can do then?!' Maybe I'll have to suggest some dates about April time and see what the response is....

OP posts:

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WorraLiberty · 05/02/2020 09:52

Just be firm and tell them to count you out as you're too busy.

It's not difficult if you stick to it.

FraglesRock · 05/02/2020 09:53

I'd be firm about x amount of weekends free for family time, try to arrange around birthdays etc.
Then however many weeknights you'd be happy to commit to.
Then you'll know you have a happy balance.

Then when you're booked up
"Sorry, I'm booked up until x day"

ellsbellls · 05/02/2020 09:54

Ok. Thanks both. Maybe I haven't been as clear as I thought. I'll try again.

OP posts:
crustycrab · 05/02/2020 09:59

You've not been clear. Your message sounds like you want to be included but won't be offended if not. So they're trying to include you.

"Sorry, I'm really busy at the moment. Not free until X date".

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