Debt after separation

[Jimineycricket]

So I posted on here after my husband walked on me following me running up a debt. My ex took my bank cards away as I “ couldn’t be trusted with money” did our food shops etc. I earn my own money but couldn’t be trusted with that either. My dad died when I was 8 months pregnant with my first child and I had bad pnd. Anyway I ran up a debt on a credit card, ex found out, went mad and left me, he took all our savings and left me with an overdraft and car with no MOT. My credit card company are chasing me for the debt and I’m out of options. I just don’t know what to do. My job may fire me if I go bankrupt. I feel an utter loser. Husband has no debt, all our savings, a new car and new wardrobe. I’m struggling to pay the bills and have no spare cash. Just feel like turning my face to the wall and giving up. Does it get better? Anyone else gone through this?

Firstly tell the credit card company that your were ill will pond and grief when you ran up the debt. You are taking advise in irresponsible lending and also debt advice. Ask them not to add any interest and see if you can agree a time frame, for example no interest for 3 months.

Were you married and are you petitioning for divorce? You have grounds this is financial advice on his part.

They have frozen the account for 3 months. But now are saying I need to pay it off or go into an IVA. They have been ok so far but have always offered me more and more money. Even when I ve paid the balance off. I’m so worried thr bailiffs will come or I ll go bankrupt and lose my house and job. Ex is there with a new wardrobe, New car and all our savings. I’m left paying our mortgage, bills, food and loan his parents gave us . I can’t afford food some weeks and feel so guilty and a burden to my family. I feel worthless. All the time

Go to Step change or CAB - they will hopefully be able to give you proper advice.

I would really advise speaking to stepchange, pay plan or can before making an Iva. I they are expensive and if you don't maintain payments they will make you bankrupt anyway. Can I ask how much you owe?

You can get a Debt Management Plan via Stepchange

Also talk to your employer, if they may fire you for going bankrupt are there any issues with taking out a DMP? Generally they're OK but if you are subject to regular financial checks at all it's better to be upfront

How much is the CC debt for?

I’m someway convinced those “savings” you refer to have already been used to cover part of your debts. Removing your cards from you, seeing what you have said in your post, was the best thing your ex could do to help a very bad situation.

He is not responsible for you once you have split, he will be asked to pay child maintenance, split whatever is left fairly, but you cannot expect him to continue bailing you out. He is gone and you need to solve the problem you created without his help.

The fact that he has a new wardrobe and car is not something that you should resent, he is finally allowed to spend his money on himself rather than keep paying for your irresponsibility.

See a solicitor and start divorce proceedings. Sounds like your ex has done a number on you with the money, the debt is bad but actually it is a marital debt and he can't just do a runner with all your assets.
Then get a plan in place to get a grip on your money.

If the OP is married, she doesn't need a solicitor to start divorce proceedings, she can do it herself here. You may be able to get help with the Court Fee to OP.

Rights of Women also offer free legal advice to women on divorce and family cases.

I would see a solicitor though when it comes to making a financial arrangement through the Court. I'd see one as soon as you've put your divorce petition in.

Have a look at doing the Freedom Programme too OP.

In the short term, can you get food from the local Food Bank?

Have you spoken to Stepchange or Payplan?

How much is the dent for?

Have you had proper legal advice? I think you may need to take a breath, look at all finances again and see what could be changed. The loan to his parents for example, not sure why you are still paying that if you genuinely feel their son has walked away with ‘your’ money. Cancel the payments and tell them why.

(Sorry I mean the loan from his parents, not to)

I’m left paying our mortgage, bills, food and loan his parents gave us . I can’t afford food some weeks

OP in your last thread (I’m only referencing it because you brought it up in your OP) you said your Ex left in August & has been giving you £750 a month which covers half the mortgage & bills, what happened to that?

Marital debt is only “marital” if it was acquired in the benefit of the family unit with mutual agreement. If your ex runs a high debt for his/her own benefit in things that are non essential, it is easy for it to be disregarded as a “marital debt” at court, especially if he took steps to stop her (removing her cards) but she chose to keep increasing the debt.

OP, not trying to be hard on you, just mentioning some of the things that may happen. The most important thing to solve this is to recognise the problem, own up and take responsibility to do your best to solve the issue yourself.

I've just read your other thread. Please please get your divorce sorted asap. Stop paying the loan to your parents and start fighting back.

his parents
I bet the debt would be marital given what you said on the other thread. What an absolute cockwomble. I'm very angry on your behalf

mother you should read the other thread too.