Sick of selfish mil

[Likethebattle]

DH left his job today (he has savings we can survive for 8 months and hopefully won’t be too long without work. He has been so stressed and unhappy it’s been horrible to see. I am supportive as I just want to see him happy.

Our car was his company car and so that has been handed back. We are carless for now and I commute by foot and train every day so it’s not a big problem for now.

Mil has been in tears who will take her shopping (she is able bodied and has a spar, Asda and Lidl within walking distance, she is also financially well off), who will do her meter readings...Erm well she sees friends 3 times a week, her brother (very intelligent and practical) visits often and her cousin (again a very intelligent lady -was a head teacher) sees her twice a week.

The thing that struck me was not one word was asked about him or us and how he felt etc it was all her and her problems. She constantly uses DH as she’s so fucking lazy. She’s made him upset now, she is a ten minute drive away but to get there by public transport will take him two trains and waste £10. You know £10 we could be using for food but she has cried and wailed and now he’s agreed to go round tomorrow.

I’m sick of how selfish she is and just needed to vent.

Vent away. She sounds grim.

Hope he gets a great new job soon.

She sounds totally self-centred, I am not surprised you’re disappointed by her reaction.

But 10 minutes drive away, could he walk or cycle rather than take 2 trains and spend £10?

@lostkeyagain no bike and shes 8 miles away. We love fairly rurally with no bus service so it needs to be the train. She’s always uses his good nature and if he doesn’t do what she wants she cries to manipulate him. Her other favourite means of control is to mention his father (he died 7 years ago). She’s called 3 times now wailing and is still to ask him about him!!! We don’t have a car it’s that simple, we are happy to take you shopping and do you the favour but we ducking can’t right now. Now he’s worried about getting another job and making enough to get a car. I’ve told him to get her card details and offer an online shop ffs!

I had surgery years ago and DH nipped our to see her....7 hours later he came back as she’d cried and he ended up taking her for lunch and to the garden centre etc as he felt bad. She knew I needed help at home and it should be a flying visit.

He needs to say no, you can’t afford it.

If she’s well off-she needs to pay herself. She’ll soon stop if he says no, I can’t afford it-I don’t have a job.

Your real problem is your DH, not your MIL. He needs to grow a spine here, and start putting his own family (ie the two of you) first.

@reallylilyreally it’s hard for him, he’s an only child and ages a master at manipulation. He’s just told her that she needs to keep her concerns to herself as he has enough of his own for now. He’s also said he can’t help her she needs to ask someone else when it’s convenient (like every day that someone is nearby) to take her meter reads. She can do it herself ffs it’s not difficult!

Bloody good on him! Have each other’s backs through this. Hopefully now he’s done it once the next time will be easier and fingers crossed the frequency may start to decrease somewhat.

Vent away. Hopefully your husband will soon see that he’s done nothing to feel guilty about and his mother is being a selfish boot.

In my experience people like this rarely change so you have to find your own way of dealing with them that protects yourself from their self centred bullshit.

She’s a selfish cow and always has been. He goes their every single week and takes her shopping and then he carries all the bags in and puts all the shopping away whilst she sits on her arse. Doesn’t think to help. He’ll go there after work and she’ll say ‘oh you need to empty the fridge before we go to Aldi!’ She is retired and could do it herself!

She used to treat his dad (lovely kind man) awfully. He lost his job a few times in the 80’s/90’s due to recessions etc and she would scream at him and throw his belongings outside. It makes me sad to think that lovely guy would get the crap of losing a job then have his wife treat him so horribly. He worked 6 days a week 2 jobs but god forbid she ever actually got off her arse and got a job. Noooo she was in the hairdressers every Saturday and getting the house decorated every year instead. I tolerated her shit for so long but I’m so angry. He goes there every week, he does her shopping, hoovers her stairs because she’s might fall down them’, takes her to the crematorium and any other Mojave’s she wants. She never offers petrol money (not that he’d take it but the gesture is nice), she always want to go for tea and then expects him to pay. During the election she called to ask if he’d go and drove her to the polling station....it’s across the road. She expected him to drive over and take her 🙄. She asks to go to A&E when she was sick twice through the night!!!

I feel awful as I don’t want to be horrible about his mother but Jesus Christ that woman needs to see how fortunate she’s been that he actually does so much for her. Our annual leave one year was hi/jacked as she wanted him to take her to two hospital appointments. Both routine on different days, two stops on the train for her. We lived 50 minutes away then. She had a plumber in and wanted to go for her weekly hair appointment so we had to go and sit in her house for 3 hours in case the guy stole anything ffs! So three days of our week taken up with this stuff. He never tells her when he’s off now.