Aaaargh – my once close friend has clearly downgraded me from bestie to someone she knows. She left London where we both lived and bought a big place in the countryside with her family and frequently posts pics of mutual friends visiting them on social media but never invites us even though when we meet it’s all ‘oh you must come stay’ and I always say yes let me know when but an actual invite never comes. If I ever suggest the two families meeting up halfway there’s always a reason why not to. We invited them to join us for a few days over Easter when we rent a holiday cottage but they can’t make it as it’s not pet friendly and they have two dogs (fair enough) but have spent ages telling me all the people they are going to have weekends away with over the summer. We see each other every six weeks or so but always in a big group and suggestions to meet one on one are always rebuffed. Fine – I have come to terms with the fact that either because she has made new friends where she lives now, or for other reasons, she doesn’t want or need to be close to me any more and actually a few years ago she was extremely unsupportive while I went through a personal crisis and in my head I downgraded her too from someone I thought had my back to someone I can’t rely on. Fine, friendships ebb and flow, I get it.
What I need help with though is how I can stop feeling needy or trying too hard. Much as I give myself pep talks to just not keep suggesting things that will be rebuffed, I can’t help but do it. It is like picking a scab. My new year resolution was not to be the one who always starts the conversation on social media (she always replies, but never starts them) but I have been totally unsuccessful at this. I have other close friends who do want to see me and where the love clearly goes two ways. So why do I keep trying at this one? Any advice?