So back story is that I was a teacher - teaching upper primary- before I had kids. Has been doing the job for almost 20yrs. Came to motherhood a bit older but had three kids in five years. Anyway, once I’d done having children and went back properly (part time) it became clear that it wasn’t compatible with family life. I also had some health issues which meant that I gave the job up a couple of years ago now because for various reasons it didn’t fit family life and it was making me very anxious. Had 18months of not working at all which I did love because I was with the kids but around 8 months ago I took the opportunity to go into a job in local governance, involved in education, very part time.
This in theory works well for me and my family. I’m office based most of the time so my health is better for not being on my feet. It’s term time only so get the holidays and it’s in an area I know well having been a teacher so long.
And yet I’m still and increasingly very nervous and anxious about the job. I don’t think it helps that my manager is nice but pernickety and a bit prone to micromanaging and that the more scrutinised I feel the more I stumble and make silly mistakes. And I have made mistakes but it’s a very complicated area, incorporating law which i have no background in and everyone else on the team has been there minimum of four years, so it’s easy to feel like the idiot in the room I guess. But in my performance reviews it’s been mostly positive and at worst I’m performing bang in the middle of the scale (A-E grades for each area, I’m a solid C!).
But the anxiety is really starting to affect me and it’s ridiculous because this was meant to be a solution for me to NOT have so much work pressure in my life.
I guess I’m writing this because I want to hear I’m not alone in this but also what the hell I can do to alleviate the anxiety. I’ve still got 20+yrs in the workplace, I’d like to not spend it crippled with fear all the time.