Wwyd- brother and mum’s birthday

[Paperyfish]

Background. Me and my brother aren’t very close. Nothing major happened really...I suspect his wife dislikes me though. He’s very disorganised and scatty. I have really tried to make an effort with him especially now we both have our own families- as I’d like the cousins to have a relationship, however he gives off really can’t be bothered vibes. E.g. I always arrange everything- but his wife will change stuff to be on her terms then generally cancel anyway. He won’t travel with the kids - even just and hour or two. He forgets to turn up for stuff he said he’d do ( this year secret Santa gift exchange and taking the kids to a Christmas fair) and if he does show arrives hours late/ leaves early/ only brings one kid etc. I don’t know how much is his personality and how much is pressure from his wife and how much is him not really bothered if he has a relationship with me and my kids.
Anyway....
It’s mum’s 70th birthday this weekend. I asked her and he hasn’t mentioned anything about it to her. He has past history for forgetting her birthday. She says it doesn’t bother her ( I suspect she doesn’t want to upset him) but she seemed hurt when this happened previously. Mum said she’d come to ours for her birthday and we’d go out for lunch then I’ve arranged for us to go to an exhibition and have afternoon tea on Monday as a birthday treat.
Do you think I should contact my little brother and remind him it’s mums birthday?
Pros of doing this...
He might actually get her a card or gift or call.
He might appreciate it
He might join in with the meal out ( although this is 2 hours ways from home from him and he hates to travel so i doubt it- but at least he wouldn’t feel left out (Can afford to travel- has car and no physical limitations- just won’t)
Cons.....
He and his wife might get cross at me for reminding him as they might thinking I’m being interfering or checking up on them.
He might be hurt mum has chosen to spend her birthday weekend with us
Also, selfishly, part of me thinks Why should I help him out if he can’t be bothered himself?
Should I text him? How can I put it that’s not me checking up or nagging him?
Thanks!

No, its up to him to remember his Mum's birthday
Stop making an effort with someone who doesn't make an effort back

Yes I would, and have.

Ok- so 50 50

No. He's old enough to look after himself and be responsible for himself.

It's highly likely your mum is very much aware of your brother's behaviour already so chances are it won't be a shock if he doesn't get anything sorted.

Enjoy the day with your mum, let your brother sort himself out.

I'd invite him to part of the birthday celebrations you have planned. That way you are reminding him of your mum's birthday without making it seem like you think he's forgotten. I'd not worry about him being offended she's spending it with you as 1. he should have invited her himself if he was bothered and 2. you've invited him so it's not like he's left out.

It would be tempting to just not say anything as he sounds a bit useless and ungrateful but if it might make your mum happy then there's no reason not too.

No, he's old enough to remember without your input.

I feel 50/50 on this one. But I'm leaning towards sending a message inviting him and his family to join you for lunch on Mum's birthday ( Because you would be doing it for your Mum really and not for his benefit)

Surely your mum’s feelings need to be put first here? Totally understand your dilemma as he sounds very annoying but think you should tell him.

I wouldn’t remind him about your mum’s birthday, he’s an adult he should know and have it sorted but I would invite him along for the meal. As others have said it’s for your mum.

It's a tough one, but for the sake of your mum, I would maybe text him and just say 'Mum would like to go out for lunch for her birthday on xx, I'm going to book a table at xx for x o'clock. Can you let me know if you and xx and kids will be coming'. Tell your mum you have told him about it, then it's all on him.

Yes text him.
Hi mum is with us this weekend, let me know if you want to come to dinner at the pub!
Love big sis.

Yes message him because it's for your mums sake. No, it isn't your job to remind him but again, you're doing it for your mums feelings.