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anxiety around DH getting ill

1 reply

notanothergiftcard · 03/02/2020 20:44

Please be gentle as I feel terrible right now and I know this is really pathetic, but I get overwhelming anxiety surrounding DH being ill and what we would do if he did.

Back story to this is DH has a long term, incurable health condition which he was diagnosed with as a teenager but which has literally not flared up for nearly 20 years. He is under consultant care for it but he only gets seen once a year to check how he's doing - other than that he is symptom free and leads a totally normal life. He is the main wage earner - I work, but part-time and even if I were full time he would be on at least three times as much as me. We have life insurance but cannot get any critical illness cover due to the fact he has this pre existing condition. I cannot stop worrying about how we will cope if he gets ill - not even just with that condition - with anything. If he has the flu or a tummy bug I start to massively panic. I feel utterly pathetic. How will I cope if one day he gets cancer or similar? I just feel like I will be an absolutely awful person to have around in a health crisis.

I don't know why I am like this and I don't know what to do about it either. I have had extensive treatment for anxiety, largely related to health (of myself and loved ones) and death, over the years - medication, counselling, CBT, psychotherapy, yoga, mindfulness, excercise - you name it, I have done it. Nothing really helps. I am so tired of living like this. We are about to sell our flat and buy a bigger house and I am holding back because I worry we won't be able to afford the mortgage if DH gets ill. There is no indication whatsoever at the moment that he will get ill, but even just typing that means I feel I have tempted fate.

I feel at the end of my tether with this. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Sorph · 04/02/2020 20:37

Hi notanothergiftcard , anxiety is such a debilitating thing and I'm really sorry that you are saying you're being pathetic when you're not. Life is so hard sometimes and we all hear these horror stories or have previously lived through them and it's hard to focus over the fear. It sounds like you have already tried a lot of things (far more than I have) but all I can tell you is that when I'm feeling like this I live in that day and constantly tell myself for example, she has survived each day for ... years, why would today be any different. And then I list things that are same today as were yesterday and therefore why would the outcome be different? And then if she does have a new thing today i would be like, well she's had a cough before and was fine etc. It's just something I find helps to convince me whatever's in my head is not the reality of today. That's just what I do. In terms of how would you be helpful in a crisis I personally think that the fear of something happening and how you create it in your head can be worse than the thing actually happening. So please don't add this to your worries because if you did have to react to a situation then you react how you react because you're doing your best and obviously love and care so much which is what people want in a crisis anyway. Also if you're anything like me you've sat in your head thinking about it so much that you actually end up pretty well prepared for it should it ever come. I really hope you can find a strategy to help you . Xxxx

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