Anyone else feel completely housebound with toddler?

[PerfectPeony2]

Looking for someone to moan with.

DD has always been very difficult, I’ve posted about it a lot before in parenting!

She’s now 19 months, and whilst things are better (by that I mean she doesn’t scream inconsolably all day). I still feel like I can’t take her anywhere or do anything.

We can manage a toddler group down the road, or a short journey to softplay. But even that is a struggle as she just tantrums awfully, won’t put her shoes/ socks/ coat on. We tried to go to a baby group at the weekend in the car, only 15 mins drive but it ended in disaster because she won’t go in her car seat. Started taking other kids toys, even pushed another kid over and had a tantrum so we had to leave.

Sometimes I’ll attempt a walk round the block, for some fresh air, but on days like today where she’s hysterical it’s just not worth it. I try to plan things indoors but the only thing that keeps her amused for any length of time is TV.

I see toddlers out for coffee, running errands, going for days out. DH and I both feel completely trapped, we have no life.

I know we are in the terrible twos, but will she start to calm down soon? I need my life back.

I feel somewhat house bound with 2 2 year olds but I have pretty severe anxiety too.

I have to do the school run twice a day and frequently they’ll both wail throughout.

Honestly, I'd just strap her in the buggy, either with or without shoes / coat etc, throw a blanket over her, and go.
Walk to the local park/ shops whatever, even if she doesn't enjoy it at first you'll be getting some fresh air, and her screaming and performing will seem less intense if you're not confined to the house.
I had a wilful toddler but I'd just do this, and pretty much leave him to his tantrum in the buggy, 95% of the time he calmed down, agreed to put his coat and shoes on, and did whatever it was we were supposed to be doing, e.g playground. Napped better too.
It will get better, it's just a phase x

Can you invite other mums and toddlers to yours as well? You could deal with the socialising/sharing toys on her home territory first, which might help her feel less grumpy.

Or offer to babysit for another toddler, so she gets used to having company. I know that sounds like more work, not less, but it might help.

I'm with you. Currently having a stand off with my 2.9 year old who won't put a few toys away and won't get her hair brushef and won't put her shoes on. I just want to get out as we had an awful night of not sleeping and waking up early doors. She's sulking under the dining table and I'm sulking on my phone. Its relentless sometimes and I'm fed up.

The buggy thing is a difficult one because she gets really distressed, always has done. She can still do that ‘colic’ type scream and won’t relent the whole time she’s in there. So to be honest I tend to just stay clear of it. Then if I had to get her back in it can be physically very challenging as she goes stiff and I’d have to force her which is unpleasant for both of us. Sometimes I can walk some of the way and then put her in her buggy with a biscuit but it’s very hit and miss!

I’m hoping by the time it gets warmer she will be able to walk further. Plus it will be less difficult with coats/ waterproofs/ runny noses.

Every phase seems to have been so hard with DD, I love her personality and that she is strong willed, and independent but it’s challenging.

Mine was just like that for a few months at about that age, it was exhausting. At about 20 months, she suddenly got a lot easier and seemed to understand things like putting shoes and coat on. We also tried to make a fun game out of things like putting shoes and socks on and asked her to do it herself which seemed to help.

Does she go to nursery at all? During the worst times, those three days at nursery were a life saver!

Another thing that helped - we still use a sling for her! Outwards facing Ergo baby one, she was happier in that than in the pushchair.

Thanks @GlassHouse yes she actually goes to nursery 3 days a week.

Which actually, I know should give me a break but I find it harder. The nursery run reduces me to tears sometimes. Then on our days together I don’t feel like we’re able to spend enough quality time as she’s upset/ overtired, and I’m tired too. I do get lots of good feedback from nursery though, she’s very clever and seems to enjoy all the activities.

I often deposited DS at nursery in his pyjamas and slippers, with a change of clothes. I wasn't the only parent doing it either, the staff didn't bat an eyelid.
Pick your battles, some things just don't matter. No one died of unbrushed hair or mis matched clothes

Take her to the park, if you've got a big, safe one where she can run/walk/sit and sulk/scream etc etc it doesn't matter. Fresh air for you both.

Oh and btw, I would physically wrestle mine into the buggy, if they weren't doing what they were supposed to, be that walking nicely, holding hands, whatever, it's a warning then back in the buggy.

Mine come with me most places during the day, we've got no choice if we've got stuff to do.

What is it about the nursery run that you're finding tough? We might be able to suggest things to help

Both of mine were/are like this and I found it very hard with the first one. I often just didn't go to things because my eldest was throwing a tantrum. Now I've got both of them I don't have a choice as nursery run has to be done/ play dates have to happen, so if my little one is being difficult so be it.

I worried a lot more with my first, but now I think so what? If he won't wear his shoes - who cares? If he won't put on his coat - ok, then be cold! If he won't get in the buggy or car seat - too bad, you're going in one way or another. If he screams all the way through an activity, I'll just take him out, at least we've tried.

I think I also worried about what people would think a lot more and now I don't care about that either. Everyone knows 18mo/2 year olds can be a pain in the arse. And if they don't know that and are actually judging me, I still don't care lol.

I am in the same boat at the moment. My son is 2.8 year old and everything is a battle!!! I am exhausted.

I have no advice unfortunately just to tell you that you are not alone.

Definitely agree with picking your battles, I do need to lower my standards. I think part of my issue is I feel guilty all the time about little things (like hair not brushed, snot on her nose).

I think with the nursery run it’s just the lack of time to do everything and get myself ready, and DH works away a lot so it’s just me. It’s mostly getting her into the car that can be difficult and being at work on time. To be fair I do just put Peppa on in the mornings now so I can at least get my makeup done.

Yeah the buggy thing I think stems from when she was a baby she had a undiagnosed dairy allergy so had a hard start in life. Sometimes I’d take her out and we’d get stuck as she’d be inconsolable and hysterically screaming for the 20 min walk back. Then I’d be on the verge of a panic attack/ people would be staring etc. it was a very difficult time and I don’t think I’ve gotten over it. So now I tend to just avoid the buggy as I find it stressful.

That sounds really hard. I think I would have got really depressed if I had had to stay in the house. Getting out every single day was a priority for me.

I don't think my kids were as tricky as yours sounds but they still had their moments. I don't think I had a secret but I think I was very bloody minded about it.

I had one kid I sometimes had to physically force into its car seat. I'd give two very clear and calm warnings then I would force him in. I know not everyone would approve of this but it's what I did.
Have you tried letting her have an tablet to watch while you get her out the house?

How much do you have the tv on for her? I used to try and keep the tv for set times and not just have it on mindlessly all day. I'd never usually have it on in the morning. The tv is so addictive for some little kids it overshadows everything else.

Good luck.

I appreciate that some toddlers are more tricky than others, but to me this sounds as much an issue with your anxieties about taking her out, as her behaviour.

Its pretty normal for toddlers to throw tantrums like this (virtually all toddlers will tantrum at play group sometimes. virtually all will push someone over - even the gentle ones), and at 18m you are just settling down from the transition from baby to toddler, by the end of which you become an expert in coming up with 'games', persuasion, bribery, and sometimes coercion! I recently got my reluctant toddler to finish her dinner by one of her cuddly toys telling her not to eat it! How dare someone tell her not to eat - so she ate the lot ;-) They are contrary, love to challenge, and love to get their own way.

If you want to stay at home, thats your choice and fine. But equally, if you want to go somewhere - just go. You're the adult, you make the rules. Give a choice - buggy, sling or (when she can do longer distances) walk.

If you don't mind me saying, it sounds as if you're struggling with being the authoritative figure sometimes. I don't mean you have to be harsh, but you don't wait for an 18m old to decide to put shoes and coat on - you do it. Likewise, its not nice putting them in their car seat if they don't like it, but virtually all parents have had to get a planking, will not bend toddler into the car. You can make it easier by getting them to bring toys with them etc.

Toddlers are amazing, but they are also incredibly testing sometimes!

I feel your pain, I have a difficult toddler from 18 months onwards....for a year I didn't go to any shops, baby groups, cafes etc because the stress involved just wasnt worth it. He is 3 now and starting to come out of it but still can turn a simple trip into a nightmare that reduces me to tears. I have noticed that I can reason with him more now, there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. You're not alone in feeling like this.

Hi @PerfectPeony2 Just wondering if/when things got better with your little one? (Hope they did!) I feel like I've had a very similar journey with my DD and am looking for light at the end of the tunnel!