I'm a horrible human being amn't I?

[NotProudOfMyself]

Yesterday I snapped at a co worker. Not hugely. I didn't shout or scream. But I was very sarcastic and they definitely got the message. I snapped because I was frustrated (it's been building up for a while). They have a history of being a bit lazy, and because I am a soft person they often try to pass stuff on to me so that things go to their advantage (eg: wanting to do my tasks instead of their own assigned role.) I've been trying to stand up for myself a bit more because frankly I am sick of it.. And yesterday I snapped and now I feel lousy. I really am horrible amn't I?

Nope

Thank you. Has anyone else done this?

Good for you. Stand your ground. If asked about it, just quietly explain your reasoning. 💐

You were absolutely correct to push back, but the snapping is not professional.

Don’t beat yourself up, it happens to all of us when we finally find our backbone.

Now practice being assertive whilst remaining professional and pleasant.

It's not a professional environment per se, but you are completely correct. Snapping is not OK. Hence why I feel so bad.

You're not a horrible person, just by feeling bad about this situation makes that clear.

Please don't let the other person see this side, they will only use it to their advantage and make you feel bad when really they're the ones who have shown poor behaviour.

You're not alone. I recently told a sales person who was interfering in my marketing work, without a clue what he was doing, to "just stop, before he made things any worse."

Sometimes you have to be blunt to get through.

You are not a horrible person, but you are emotionally immature. I deal with people like you every once in a while and it is always a shock to see or be the victim of your sudden display of venom.

Instead of letting things build up inside, why not stop being "soft" (and you are actually passive-aggressive, not soft), and speak up at once when something bothers you? Because you want to see yourself as nice, that is why.

You can be nice and assertive. Being assertive means speaking calmly and kindly and even with a little humour when you feel someone is taking the piss.

Why would you resort to sarcasm in anger because you see your colleague as "lazy"? So caustic and damaging.

If I were your co-worker I would never trust you again. And I would think very little of you, to be honest, unless you really displayed true contrition.

If I were your co-worker I would never trust you again. And I would think very little of you, to be honest, unless you really displayed true contrition.

Sod your co-worker and take no notice of this. How patronising.
Be glad that you stuck up for yourself for a change.

So caustic and damaging.

Blimey. Maybe they are lazy and will snap out of it now OP has made her feelings about the piss taking clear.

I doubt OP cares if her colleague trusts her. I imagine she just wants them each to do their own work.

That's a little bit unfair. I do actually care about my colleagues, and actually I did said colleague a huge favour not long ago at cost to my own wellbeing and yet they still try to take the piss. I was not venemous, I was sarcastic there is a difference. And yes, I do want to be a nice person, is that a crime? I am genuinely sorry that I snapped, and I feel awful about it. No need to make me feel worse.

And for the record said colleague is not "lazy", they are lazy, and have been warned by management. So it's not a judgement I have made by myself.

Ok well you know the way to handle this isn't to get snappy. Either speak to the colleague or your manager and explain uour issues. Don't let it get to this stage. Personally I'd apologise for snapping and then address the issue with them. If you're unable to do that escalate it to your manager to resolve.

Instead of letting things build up inside, why not stop being "soft" (and you are actually passive-aggressive, not soft), and speak up at once when something bothers you? Because you want to see yourself as nice, that is why.

You can be nice and assertive. Being assertive means speaking calmly and kindly and even with a little humour when you feel someone is taking the piss.

Yes, this. Don't be the 'soft person' and allow unspoken resentment at being taken for granted to the point where you explode. Practise assertively and calmly sticking to your own role and declining extra/alternative work you don't want to do.

@NotProudOfMyself

Your posting this question here is clear evidence that you do care about your colleagues' feelings and about maintaining a pleasant and professional relationships with them. I am not disputing that at all. It is clear evidence that you are a decent and kind person with good intentions.

My reply was not meant to make you feel worse and I sincerely apologise for doing that.

I do stand by my assessment that you displayed emotionally immaturity by letting your frustration with your build up and then letting loose with a sarcastic reply. Whether it can be seen as venomous depends on your vantage point, I guess.

I would have a conversation with your colleague, apologising for snapping and then explaining why you were feeling resentful and telling him/her that you will no longer do the work that s/he is expected to do because it is not fair to you.

I don't think there is any point in beating yourself up and letting this one act define you as "horrible". However, it is a great opportunity to learn to be assertive in positive and pleasant way.

And just to add a little levity, at least you didn't snap and fart!

For some people It’s so hard at work to address others poor behaviours. Your only human. Let’s hope they got the message and sort themselves out! Don’t worry about it.

Don’t worry..I 100% understand..I snapped last Friday and it impacted weekend ( my fault..wish I cared less)..don’t like when I loose control...but find it challenging working with a lot of “ yes” people who do little...I did some meditation before work this am...so hope that helps...Don’t be too hard on yourself,,try calmly explaining issues without associating blame...if “weak” individuals see ur frustration I find they will focus in on you as opposed to correcting issues they have?same in every work enviroment so if ya can manage to stress less about it it will be beneficial..I have not learnt this yet but I work on it

If there's an atmosphere then say "sorry I snapped but you're swapping of jobs has become really frustrating but I should have told you calmly that I'm not doing that anymore, so please don't ask anymore"