DD fat shamed

[sunnyshowers]

I m not sure where to start.
Last year my 12 year old daughter was told by one of her friends liked because she was too fat. She is in no way fat, a tiny bit of pupy fat but wearing 11 year old clothes so a tiny tummy but NOT FAT.
Anywy the friend apologied, not sincerely though and only in an effort to bring the circle of friends back together.
The started secondary school and another girl has joined the circle of friends and has been also fat shaming her.

Last night it came to light and she was devastated. Its like a worm that’s gone into her brain and its all she thinks about.
I just don’t know what to do.
I ve told her shes beautiful and she really is, inside and out. She hasn’t started periods (now 13) and no sign of development, hair etc. The others have.

I don’t feel I can talk to the other parents, both girls have tense home lives and to be honest I don’t know if I trust myself to be calm.
There is a sleepover in the coming weeks and shes refusing to go because these 2 girls are there. They haven’t said anything recently but like I say this s now in her brain and she cant shake it.
What can I do? I normally read posts and know the answer but for this I can t think clearly.

You say she has "puppy fat"? What do you mean by that exactly? Because the reality is that a lot of children are overweight nowadays and parents don't always see it. That doesn't mean that these girls are anything other than wholly unpleasant for bullying her about it but are you sure she isn't overweight?

The child does horse riding and hockey every week- it's more likely she has a muscley physique.

A tiny tummy...shes got strong legs from riding. She 13 and was wearing an AGE 10 jeans today. Puberty hasnt kicked in yet.

Genuinely she isnt fat.

My daughters are skinny. One in an athletic way, the other one who’s now 21 has a really really tiny frame, teeny little arms, no boobs etc (husbands mums family are all like this), and I thought she’d be ok at school as I’ve always been overweight, but no! She was horrendously bullied at school for her size, mostly name calling but also hitting and once she was pushed downstairs. School were not interested at all, and told us that the two main culprits had difficult home lives. Things got a little easier when one girl beat up her two year old sister and was sent to live with her dad, but school were really useless. My daughter was repeatedly told that she’d never get a boyfriend because ‘only dogs like bones’, and to this day she really believes it. It really absolutely breaks my heart, because she’s so shy and frightened of rejection. She’s such a lovely girl and wouldn’t care less about anyone’s shape or size.

Anyway what I want to say, in my rambling way (with tears in my eyes for my daughter and yours) is please don’t just leave it. It really does seem to worm into your brain, and can do lasting damage. Would it be possible for your daughter to have a sleepover at your house before the planned one, and just invite the nice girls? Maybe then she’ll see that they all look pretty similar in their pyjamas. Every single girl will have things they’re self conscious about. Nasty, vicious pathetic girls like this will find anything to pick on others about - hair, acne, nose, even what school bag they have.

It sounds as though your daughter’s really healthy and strong, and has lots of hobbies, interests and friends outside this circle. It might be she breaks away from them, and I bet some of the nicer girls will follow. It’s a really horrible age.

United road i m so sorry to hear your story....kids can be awful.
Your daughter is defiantly far worse off than mine...god love her ...
Its totally true isnt it? They ll always find something.
I keep saying you can make yourself feel better by making someone else feel worse.
The little tight group of 4 are fantastic kids...they re always planning sleepovers....she had them here for new years and i took them shopping and skating...they re always welcome at our house. (Trust me they re always popping in)

@HasaDigaEebowai what relevance does that have?

@HasaDigaEebowai what relevance does that have?

As I said, nothing excuses the fact that she is being bullied. But it is relevant to know whether she is in fact overweight.

This is the part of childhood I’m glad my DS autism makes him unphased. He’s a bit on the chubby side but he literally doesn’t care what people say about him. I’m lucky no one said anything to me, I was chubbier than my friends but not obese or anything but my weight was never commented on at school.
Sorry that your dd is going through this. My sis had the same. Girls can be such bitches. So glad I didn’t fall victim to peer pressure. Social media Is not going to help with this but it will be hard to keep her off of it without causing more issues. Hopefully she realises she’s great just the way she is.

Thanks everyone.
She's got her bff and 3 other really good froends.
Bff is sick so they organised balloons and shopped together and made a lovely, and i mean a lovely, hamper for her.
The 5 of them surprised bff and they spent a few hrs together.
Shes so happy. I love that she gets such joy out of doing something so nice.
Shes said she ll go to sleepover and shut down any comments, she said that she realises the 2 girls have stuff going on at home and its not her.
Shes really such a joy and we re so lucky..she makes us better people just by being herself. (I wish i was more like her)
I totally understand asking if she is overweight. The truth really stings but genuinely shes not. Strong legs and arms from riding but not an ounce of flab. Tummy is tiny but its there because development hasnt happened yet.
Mind you i can see little changes.
I know i m her mum but really shes beautiful inside and out and everyone that knows her loves her.
I m so proud of her.