How do I explain arthritis pain to a toddler?

[StinkyWizleteets]

I have a connective tissue disease that affects the tendons and joins. It’s only started affecting my bones but the tendon inflammation is agony (Worse than breaking a bone and it never goes away) and I don’t know how to explain the pain to my extremely clingy and very tantrumy 2.5year old. He refuses to go to his dad, he still wakes 3 times a night and screams blue murder if anyone else goes to him. He refuses to let anyone else dress him, sometimes he refuses to let me dress him. Positive rewards don’t work, thinking time out doesn’t work. I can’t cope with this pain and him only wanting me. I can’t even lift him right now.

I’m due to start a biologic medicine next week but that adds a new layer of complexity because he’s always got bugs from nursery and him only wanting me means I’m always getting them too. This will disrupt my medication.

How do I get such a young child to understand and accept my limitations? How do I explain pain that limits what I can do to what’s essentially a toddler?

*buy, not but, and ted, not red....

Ah @JesusInTheCabbageVan that made me giggle. Glad to know I’m not the only one who has multiple autocorrect fails in posts. I’m never too poorly to give hugs. I can do that. I just can’t lift him. What I do like about your idea is maybe a teddy that wears splits or similar to normalise it for him a wee bit..

I do wear wrist splints in both arms so there are visual clues but as I’ve done so for almost all his life he doesn’t see them as abnormal. He doesn’t really understand them and thinks of I take them off the pain will go away 😭

Forgotten who else I need to respond so sorry. Need to go back.

@Ancientruin thank you for the book idea. He loves books and we read together a lot so I’ll be buying that ASAP!
I have tried the racing and who gets dressed the fastest games but he’s not half as competitive as his sibling is so it doesn’t really work. Yet.

Thank you so much for your post. You’ve given me lots to think about and I do think perhaps I need to call social services for some help in the mornings when my partner is away to work.

@Ruddle91 all I can offer is a gentle non mumsnetty hug. I’m so sorry you have similar issues. It’s not fun at all.

@MitziK I don’t trust him to be left long enough for me to go pee alone. Thankfully my legs aren’t too problematic at the moment so I can rush up the stairs and be done before he reaches the top (no downstairs loo :( ) but if I’m on a slow day he’ll
Be wanting to sit on my knee and “help” me 😳😳

@LifeBeginsNow it sounds to me like you’re doing an amazing job with your wee one! You should be proud of yourself and your child! I know from experience it’s no mean feat!

@FraglesRock my mum is coming down later in the week to stay with me when my partner is working four long shifts in a row and she’s going to take the kids back with her for half term. It’ll be the first time my youngest has stayed away from me as he’s still breastfed. I’m actually getting excited about it 😁

Sorry if I’ve missed anyone out.

Hi op, I’m a single parent and am on a biological for RA plus have fibro. It’s so difficult. It becomes easier simply when they get older and can have more of an understanding rather than jumping all over you. It’s hard as they can’t ‘see’ anything wrong and just forget.

I bought a superking bed. Pillows down the middle and had my side/your side for when they were ill, clingy, unsettled or simply having a tantrum about sleeping with me and I had no energy to deal with it. This helped - I would stroke their face/hair so they were getting that closeness.

Also had own sides on the sofa separated with cushions. I will hold their hand/arm/leg etc for closeness.

I would hold their arm when walking from car to school rather than hands as they would squeeze them and it was excruciating.

Lots of cuddles and hugs on the days when I’m not as sore - it’s so variable.

They like to help - eg getting my shoes on/off and are really sweet but still jump on me from time to time for a cuddle and then get upset when I yelp.

Sympathies.

Stinky what pisses me off is I'm usually typing the correct words! Bloody autocorrect just decides I must have wanted to write, oh I don't know, something that makes absolutely zero sense in that context. I've been trying to teach it to let me swear for months, with no joy (it wanted to write 'kisses' just now).

@MadFrog2020 I too do the bed thing. We co
Sleep of sorts as his cot is next to my bed with the side taken off. I’m really lucky in that my
Hands themselves aren’t too bad but the wrists and elbows and shoulders are just a waste of joint/limb - meds day Tomorrow. Quite excited about the potential
And my knee went today so hoping it doesn’t take too long to kick in as I can’t use a stick.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan kissing people off... that’s a whole
Other thread ;)