When I am anxious or heartbroken I can’t eat. At one point I ended up suffering from an episode of major depression and anxiety...it’s not the done thing now but people used to call it a nervous breakdown. I was in a lot of emotional pain, barely leaving the house, totally terrified of living if I’m honest. I couldn’t eat for almost two months, everything was turning my stomach. My size 12 clothes started to fall off me.
On the days I was able to leave the house or get to work, I was told “Oh my God you look AMAZING hun, the weight’s just dropped off you!” and asked what my “secret” was, told I’d “never looked better”, told “you’ve lost weight, it suits you so much more”, “you’re looking “good” again” etc, all by acquaintances who it didn’t feel right to say “thanks, I’m having a nervous breakdown and have been suicidal” too. Watching the friends around me who did know the truth cringe and silently think “shut up” to these well meaning people was interesting! The comments just made me feel more isolated and like I wanted to hide away. It made me realise as well how Eating Disorders get a grip...everyone is congratulating these people at first on looking “better” when actually they are hurting themselves and by the time people realise the individuals are suffering it’s too late.
What made it all worse was knowing the only thing that was going to save my life was a medication that was make me going to gain all the weight I’d lost...so knowing the next time people saw me I’d be back to a size 12 or maybe even more and despite being healthier mentally and physically they obviously thought I looked better when I was starving myself.
A friend was congratulated repeatedly on being in “great shape” now and asked how she’d lost the weight so fast. She’d found out her baby had died at the 12 week scan, had to weight for ages to miscarry, ended up in hospital, then suffering with depression and sleeping for weeks on end so not eating. She’d been waiting until the scan to tell everyone she was pregnant and then couldn’t obviously.
Through these experiences I’ve learned never to comment on anyone’s weight because weight loss isn’t always a good or healthy thing and we’ve not always got insight into what is going on behind the weight loss. So if I know you in real life, congratulations, but forgive me if I don’t say anything. I’d silently notice and hope it’s happened in a happy and healthy circumstance for you and if you brought it up with me I’d then congratulate you. I really think it’s not polite to comment though.