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relationship seems abit more than normal

3 replies

Iphone90 · 01/02/2020 08:02

Hi, hope somebody can shed some light on my situation. The scenario is this:
You get up in the morning. You have 2 kids. Your up with them but your out the house at 0730 and home again at 1800ish monday to Friday. Weekends are spent with the kids doing stuff with them. Very odd occasion I go out elsewhere. During that time I am giving the chilren all the love I can and I'm doing bits around the house in between it all as and when I see fit. My partner is constantly moody and does nothing but Complain at me about how much I don't do and that I'm lazy and selfish and a shit dad shit partner. There just never satisfied with my efforts and I'm made to feel guilty when the house has been cleaned or dinner is there every night I get home even though I Tell them how grateful I am as it saves much time for me. They tell me that I don't have a clue how to run a house and cook and clean and do washing etc.. They work 2 days I am out for 55 60 hours a week. Providing for my family to live a nice life. Yet i am just awful in there eyes. No matter what I do they are always there pointing out the negatives of me and criticising all the things they know I hate about myself. Telling me how knowbody likes me and I have no friends and my own family can't Stand me because I dont talk to some of them. I have a son who I fought in court for access which I got as I am no threat and have been there throughout his life. But he doesn't call often which is upsetting but they use it and tell me how it's no wonder he doesn't call you and its not exactly nice to hear. Personal things I've opened up to them about they have taken the piss out of me about them when angry or upset. They are suffering with worrying and anxiety and gets stressed very quickly and Conversation isnt exactly great. I have taken myself off Facebook and stopped drinking as It makes me to ill after. I have converted my garage I to a gym and I am questioned about the use of it if I'm in there a couple of nights a week. Meanwhile if I'm in the living roon I'm getting zero conversarion because there head is glued to there phone and I dont like watching TV every night either. So what exactly am I sat there for? I feel they are so nasty towards me. I have not been a saint over the years. I was discharged from the army as I have a lo g term back problem. I retrained I to a new profession. I was diagnosed with adhd. I struggled to keep work. Which she doesn't let me forget. I gambled money away during That time 4 years ago now. I've dealt with it and I'm on top of all my bills and still saving. I get bombarded with questions and the I s and outs of every detail of things to fish out something that they my have a problem. With in it all. That is very stressful to deal with when they don't even welcome me home or ask how the says been before it or m
Kicki g off at me for not shutting the gate or taking the bin out or slamming the door. When I hear them walking into the room I get nervous about what the next problem is or why I haven't done properly. But I also treat the family on holidays, days out. Go park. Beach all the fun stuff aswell ass trips away with just the 2 of us. But there even made stressful. I'm not a bad person and everything I'm saying is not twisted and is 100% true. So now? Tell me What is going on and what relationship type would this be categorised in. And what the hell should I do. :(

OP posts:
Stabbitha1 · 01/02/2020 08:06

You do need to do some house work and dinners still.
Your relationship is broken, move on.

blackcat86 · 01/02/2020 08:32

Have you considered couples counselling? It sounds like you're both in that 'hard done by' competition phase or I'm more tired than you, I do more than you etc etc. You are quite minimising and dismissive of what your partner brings to the table and of issues you have had in the past. You seem to expect your partner to just get over this because you say it's ok now. That said, it's not fair for her to say horrible things to you about family and friends, and that needs to be dealt with. I hear a lot of blokes where I work commenting about how they work FT and their partner works PT but inevitably that person is carrying the bulk of the mental load and household responsibilities. DH to think cleaning is 'done' because he 'cleaned the bathroom' although he didn't clean the shower, mirror, tiles, change the towels or mat, take out any empty bottles and only did this once. He seemed aghast that there was more to do and happily trudged off stating how much he'd helped. I'm not saying this is what you do, just offering another perspective. The same men at work think my days off are spent in cafes lazing about with my DC, when in reality I'm on my knees with exhaustion chasing after a toddler. Me and DH found couples counselling really helpful to get out of competing with each other and back to working as a team.

JMAngel1 · 01/02/2020 08:39

God, that's no way to live. Either get counselling to resolve the numerous issues or it's time to split up.

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