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How to get over workplace bullying that happened last year

6 replies

cotdottons · 30/01/2020 19:08

Last year I went through hell with a co-worker. I work in education and she went for a higher post, didn’t succeed and ever since then she made life misery for me and one other colleague, however I seemed to get the brunt of it.
She came into my class on a few occasions in front of my students and shouted at me over issues she had. I had circulars to state that I hadn’t done wrong and showed these to her but to no avail. I was ignored and if I spoke she would throw her eyes up to heaven or sigh. At staff meetings she would attack me, again over things that she felt I did wrong and call me incompetent. She worked as a special education teacher so worked with children who had difficulty in English and Maths and she would purposely teach what wasn’t on the plan and then come and berate me because the children didn’t know something. If a decision was made that she didn’t like in staff meetings she would slam the door and leave in a huff.
It all escalated when she started telling the children that she was working with that I was a bad teacher, I didn’t do anything with them and to go home and tell their parents this. On one occasion I was called the most horrible person she ever met and I was the reason she was going on career break.

A disciplinary procedure was initiated against her at the end of the school year but in my view it was too little too late as her behaviour had been ongoing and witnessed by all since the beginning of the year. Parents whose children were fed the lies and stories about me wrote letter of complaint about this teacher and the Board and parents made it clear they were on my side. On the second last day of school I had a panic attack as more of the allegations made about me were brought to light and I had to be collected from school by my sister as I couldn’t stop shaking and got very weak. This was probably the culmination of the whole year.

I have not moved on from this and am not sure where to start. I am angry at myself for not doing more but I honestly never felt so intimated in my life and thought if I ignored it that it would go away. I am angry at my headteacher for witnessing most of this behaviour, being subject to some appalling behaviour herself and waiting too long to act on it. I am angry at the union for writing letters on her behalf about issues which she perceived to have been dealt with incorrectly but only gave part of the story to the union so they would back her. Our school sought advice from a number of experts and all confirmed things were dealt with correctly.

I thought as the school year went on I would begin to move on from this but I just can’t. I have decided that at the end of this school year I’m moving on as there is a chance she will come back from her career break. I had hoped to move nearer my home city at some stage in the future but wasn’t in any rush. However I will be resigning at the end of this year whether I have a job to go to or not. I wake up most nights at 3 or 4 am and think up of scenarios that she could write more letters accusing me of stuff, ask that I be investigated etc etc. I think the sheer injustice of it all is what gets me worked up. She, who behaved appallingly, verbally abused staff and parents, slammed doors on staff and parents can walk back into a job and I’m leaving with no guaranteed job to go to because I can’t bear to look at her again. Mostly my confidence in myself as a teacher is gone to pieces, I question every little thing I do and I live in fear that someday I will be “found out” and her comments will be correct.

Has anyone any advice or words of wisdom to maybe help me? I’m exhausted and my anxiety and anger seem to be getting worse not better.

OP posts:
cotdottons · 30/01/2020 19:38

Anyone?

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Happydaysareheretostaywayhay · 30/01/2020 19:53

I was badly bullied at work and eventually left. I too woke up every night full of anger, frustration and tears and couldn’t sleep at the injustice of it all.

This is going to sound really bizarre but what helped me was asking the universe to deal with the bullies so I didn’t have to. I know it sounds odd but once I’d done this (in my head!) every time I started to get angry or upset, I was able to calm myself quickly and easily as I told myself I didn’t have to worry or lower myself to the bullies behaviour as karma/the universe would sort it out for me. It sounds unbelievable but it gave me great peace and now I rarely think about them. As it happens, they were all made redundant within a year and I’ve heard have struggled in there new roles...

Keeponkeepingonandonandon · 30/01/2020 19:57

Hello Dot, sorry to hear you are having a difficult time.

Easy for me to say but I would not let her “win” by leaving my job with nothing else to go to, I mean she may not come back from this “career break” anyway.

In the meantime please get some support for yourself, counselling or time signed off if you need it to recover, make an appointment to see your GP to discuss things at least.

Have you thought about formally raising your concerns about this situation? Are you in the Union?

cotdottons · 30/01/2020 20:11

At the end of the last school year I was so withered by it all I just wanted the holidays to arrive. I am in the union and sought advice over the phone. They said that since the headteacher had begun disciplinary proceedings and the fact it was quite late in the year, there wasn’t a lot I could do as there wasn’t enough time to give the co worker enough notice.

I suppose it is good that the Board and a lot of the parents are aware of it and have stated in letters that they do not want their child taught by her but that doesn’t seem to be much comfort to me. It’s like the longer the year goes on the more it is affecting me.
I only have 18 sick days left to last me a year and a half as I have had two operations over the last couple of years so taking sick leave is not an option. There’s days when I think of her and I just burst out crying and often cry on the way to work even though she isn’t there. I just don’t know how to move on from it as there is so much anger and hurt from my side.

I will definitely be resigning by the end of the school year as I know I couldn’t face her if she comes back and while I might not get a job immediately I would get supply teaching.

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Ginbauble · 30/01/2020 20:11

Do you know what the outcome of your complaint or her disciplinary hearing was? I would have thought if not dismissed she should have been given a formal warning - if so and she bullies you again whilst the warning is still 'live', she is likely to be dismissed.

Can you discuss your concerns with the head or the governors, tell them that the thought of her returning is affecting your physical and mental health and ask what measures and support they are going to put in place for YOU to protect you given previous bullying. It would be helpful if you could think what would help you.

Although ultimately your wellbeing is the most important thing so you may think resigning is the best option for you.

ChakaDakotaRegina · 31/01/2020 02:45

Ah yes, the frustration and anger about the injustice of it that bubbles up at 4am.

Get some help as you don’t want it to fester into your next role.

Try writing positive things from each day and what they mean so you really process the good parts of your life as you’re probably in the habit of looking for the crap right now. (You helped x because you’re a good teacher, you were complimented because you have good taste in shoes)

If you can’t drop it, try listing the good points of what happened - You have the support of the head, the board, the parents. Plenty of people witnessed her unacceptable and unprofessional behaviour. You maintained your composure and didn’t get suckered in to rows etc. Try to reframe things as a choice. You chose not to escalate at first. You chose to leave the head to deal with it. This helps you feel less victimy.

Ultimately from reading your post however she had major issues and whatever she tried on you massively backfired. I think you are missing the fact that it’s not you.

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