Between us, exP and I have had 4 phone calls home from teacher, HOY and now deputy head in the last 2 weeks regarding DS’ behaviour.
Up to now, DS has been a typical-ish kid at school - occasionally silly but usually respectful of the rules and the staff with a healthy dose of worry what the SLT think of him.
He’s very academically capable but is just so easily led. He seems to be increasingly drawn to the three or four fools in the class, putting on a ridiculous high pitched laugh to gain their attention / let them know he thinks they are hilarious (i have seen him doing this at pickup and with similar kids when playing out where we live). He was throwing food at cars with them outside school before the gates opened one morning this week, repeatedly flicking his pen pot off the table and answering back to the TA, very rudely and dismissively.
My worry is that he seems to give no fucks about this. He is now grounded for the rest of the half term, only allowed TV for an hour before dinner, has had his tablet and switch removed and is only allowed a phone to go to and from school (he walks with his friend whose mum drives past a bit later with her younger boy to check they are safe) and I am home 5 minutes later / leave after him. None of this has any effect. He has not expressed a single iota of regret, instead arguing with me about what happened, who was “to blame”, how the teachers and TAs are lying. I am a year 5 teacher and his bloody mother so I know full well that he is more than capable of what they are telling me he is doing.
School have banned him and the others from going on a trip tomorrow but he’s seemingly brazen about that and happy to be staying behind to work rather than go on “boring” trip.
I have spoken to his teacher and said I am happy to suggest that the PGL trip is used as a sanction as he is really desperate to go. Teacher agrees. We have set him a target of one good phone call home per half term and no more bad calls otherwise trip is off. That did seem to have an effect as he started arguing that I couldn’t cancel as I have paid.
The challenge is both getting him to understand that his behaviour has consequences, that the behaviour is wrong and he needs to control himself better and that his whole attitude needs to change from one of defiance to one of cooperation.
He lives part of the week (2 nights) with his dad, stepmom and stepbrother. I don’t have any idea what goes on when he is there. He has constant complaints about them when he gets back but it does all seem so spurious. I can’t speak to them about this, we have a hugely acrimonious relationship. But I think they are in agreement this is unacceptable and are as clueless as me (which is bonkers as I am a behaviour lead!!) as to how to encourage him to change and start to emulate the 26 other well behaved children.
Any ideas? Thanks for reading my novella!