I need to rant about work/missed job opportunity

[Tuxedoish]

Long story short. I’ve been waiting for a specific job to come up for over a year. It’s the next natural step for me.

6 months ago I started dating a senior colleague at work (different departments).

The job I wanted has come up in his department. He is in charge of recruitment. As soon as I saw it I decided not to go for it, I don’t want to report directly to my partner.

However (and I know this sounds petty). He hasn’t even mentioned the job to me. He knows it is the role I was waiting for, we’ve discussed it before. He called me this morning to tell me all about another internal candidate who is “just perfect” for the role and has applied. I mentioned my disappointment that I could go for it and he just kind of laughed and went “oh god no you can’t apply”.

I feel really bloody angry even though I wasn’t going to go for it. He must realise that I really wanted that job and don’t want to hear about the “perfect” candidate he has. I’m annoyed he hasn’t sat down and discussed it with me and at least paid some kind of lip service to knowing this was my natural progression.

What makes it worse is that people keep asking me if I’ve seen the job and if I’m going for it.

I know I sound petty but I’m hoping writing this all down will help me suck it up a bit!

Tell him to make no mistakes at work... you have your eye on HIS job. The knob.

I’ve turned my messages off which is ridiculous but I feel so bloody angry!

Have you mentioned the job to him? You both seem to have the same attitude to working together so I'm not sure I get the issue. As his partner he is discuss g work with you. Maybe if you had mentioned not applying because it would report to him he would have known to be more sensitive. Do the colleagues pointing the job out to you know yoy are dating him?

You didn’t mention it either though?

@Gizlotsmum you’re right of course. I was doing ok with it all until he told me all about his candidate. I’ve realised I’m really upset he hasn’t acknowledged that I’ve missed out on an opportunity to further my career. If we’d discussed it I would feel better I think.

I did bring it up today which is when he laughed me off!

Sorry reading my post seemed harsh and you have every right to be upset. Maybe sit him down tonight and explain that although you wouldn't apply for it you are gutted that the perfect role is out of reach because you are dating him. Will another opportunity come up or is this it?

They’re few and far between. His is the first one I’ve seen in a year

This is one of the reasons my dad told me when I started working never to date someone at work, or if I did, to look a new job as soon as possible before there was any chance to go for the same promotion. He saw it happen twice at his firm and both times the woman in the couple lost out. I know this isn't quite the same situation but the general principle is still sound I think.

Any chance of this dream role at a rival organisation?

You are very foolish. You've waited for this job for the last year. It's your natural progression. Apply for it. Please.

Your relationship only started 6 months ago. He shows you no respect. Has he ever even asked what you want going forward career wise? I bet he hadn't. He's not even interested. If he knew Anything about you, at all, he'd know how bad you wanted this.

And worse still, he's been crass and insensitive in his comments.

Is he the love of your life?
I'd sit him down and tell him:

I was wondering if we could call time on our relationship. Because I wouldn't want you to be conflicted professionally. But this is my dream job that I've been working towards for the last 10 years.

Do us all a favour. Please apply tomorrow.

I think you're mostly angry at yourself for missing out on something you really,really wanted.

Nothing he said would've make it better except for "I'm quitting/ changing jobs so you can apply for the job", which is fairly unrealistic.

You're probably better off moving to a different company, so if this situation arises again you can go ahead and get the job you want.

Are there even other opportunities for getting the job without him as "the boss"? If no, then as long as you're in the relationship and at that company,you'll never get the job you want.

@Oblomov20, that just nailed my chest to the wall

I’m going to go away and have a long hard think

Can you still apply? I would. He should recruit professionally, I've always had to interview with another person to reduce elements of bias (and it's easier!)

And. What sort of relationship do you have? A poor one it seems. If you can't discuss your dream job coming available after a years wait?

What do you talk about? Love island and Eastenders?

Does your company policy not prevent you applying though? Most companies I’ve worked for wouldn’t allow this.
Can you look for a similar role at a competitor or another organisation? I don’t feel he’s been out of order.

And. He too sound like a twunk. And an unprofessional one at that. His job is recruitment, to find the best candidate. But he's dismissed you? So he's incompetent aswell?
And well as being uncaring of your feelings and wants?

He sounds a catch!

He could finish with you next month?

Then where'd you be?
Regretting not applying?

You're calling him your partner even though you say you've only been dating 6 months. You've made your relationship with him a priority over your career. He was thoughtless to mention a perfect candidate to you and its only natural that you feel upset about that.
But now you need to question what's more important to you. There's still time to go for the job.

Of course you can't work for him. Most businesses wouldn't allow it - quite rightly. It's also not his fault. It's not anyone's fault. It's just bad luck.

Time to apply for it. And then if you don’t get it, find the same opportunity elsewhere.

It’s not that you’re involved - it’s that you’re not involved enough in his mind for him to realise or care that this is your perfect role.

Men come and go, careers are forever. Take yourself seriously OP.

And your relationship is not just your problem to compromise for; it is his as well. Of course he can’t line manage you but you should still go for it and show you’re the best candidate. You will probably have to declare your relationship when applying.

(Sorry posted too soon)
If he’s senior to you then I’m fairly sure it was his responsibility to declare the relationship before now, even if he’s not in your direct line of management. Maybe check the policies ?

Why do you think it's pretty to be upset that someone you thought cared about you doesn't give a shit that you're throwing away a rare career opportunity? I mean, he didn't even care enough to think of you and what you've previously told him. Doesn't sound like he'd make the same sacrifice for you.

Personally, I think chucking away a rare opportunity to progress for someone you've been dating six months is a bit foolish.

Is the relationship secret?

You’re missing out on your dream job because of a boyfriend who you’ve been with for 26 weeks?

I am going to go against the grain...you knew about the job and didnt bring it up. You made the decision to go for it

Would you prefer he doesnt mention the person who is in that role, ever?

Just because you would be a perfect fit doesnt mean other people will be.

He may not have brought it up because you both know you cant really go for it and he didnt want to bring it up unless you did.

Personally, I wouldn't want to work for my boyfriend or my ex boyfriend. Not sure how breaking up with him will make it easier if you got the job.

Surely, these things were all considered before you started dating someone senior at work?

If he cares as little about the OP as he appears to, he won't mind if she calls time on the relationship and she applies ASAP. And if he's not that bothered working for him also won't be a problem.