Feeling incredibly stupid in a new job

[DICarter1]

I’ve just started a new job (I’ve been doing it for 12 days as it’s PT (3days a week, 18 hours a week and so far have worked 72 hours). I got some brief training last year from the person who was leaving but no handover notes besides those that I wrote during training.

It’s complicated as it involves training for people who all train via different routes. I’ve spent an hour or so with my boss who is based in a completely different part of the building to me and who has many different roles so is busy and her manner suggests I should just get it. I feel so incredibly thick. That I’m not getting it quick enough. I haven’t worked in 10 years as I have three children and two have disabilities (one has severe and complex special needs). My boss hasn’t said anything but her manner suggests I should be up to speed and I should understand. I feel like I’m working in the dark and guessing most of the time and my self esteem is low (I know I’m panicking mentally over simple things because I’m not used to working). How can I get better? Or at least increase in confidence with a boss who isn’t interested in training me?

This is the only job I’ve found that is term time and within school hours.

You need to ask your boss for a meeting about your progress and explain that you're feeling at sea at the moment. Ask about training, what you're doing right or wrong, feedback, all that kind of thing. "Her manner suggests" isn't factual - it's a reflection on how you are feeling. I think you need to be a bit proactive and communicate that you're not confident that you're giving her everything she needs you to give and that you'd appreciate some guidance as to how you can improve. Don't make it complaints - ask how you can improve to make HER job better. She can't brush that off!

Is there a job description? Weren't you given one? If not, contact HR immediately and ask for one, and if there's something on there you don't understand or know how to do, take it up with your manager about needing a little training. If your job is to support her but you can't because you don't know how to, then it could be an easy fix. From your post, I can't tell if the issue is with not knowing the procedures you should be following, or the technology that you use in your role. If it's the technology, perhaps IT are the best people to contact.

My boss hasn’t said anything but her manner suggests

I strongly suspect your low self esteem and general state of panic are causing you to a) mindread negative ideas that support your feelings about yourself but aren't being expressed or even necessarily in existence; and b) interpret her behaviour as a threat because you're on high alert.

Your evidence is effectively "I feel useless and afraid something bad is going to happen therefore it must be true".

Asking for a meeting is a good idea.

It's great you started writing your own training notes. Lots of people wouldn't. Build those up as time goes on and you learn more.

Even if you had simply moved jobs it would probably take you 3-6 months to feel settled and at home there. You've been out of the workplace for 10 years so of course it's tough, but it will get better. I don't want to sound patronising but I take my hat off to you - I get anxious just coming back from a long weekend away from work.

Maybe keep a note of your achievements at work. Small things like learning how to unjam the photocopier, or getting through a meeting you were nervous about, or remembering how to do a new task... The things you would overlook or explain away or that you felt overwhelmed at the prospect of tackling - spend time after each day in the office and write them down. If you've got a spare notebook head up a page per work day with the date and list out all the things you achieved that day.

Give yourself the credit you're due. Then in another month you'll have 12 pages of achievements to look back on and have evidence of the things that have gone well and your progress.

Take care OP.

I had similar recently. Too much was expected of me. She kept saying things like ' I expect you to be able to do 60 of these in a minute, but your only doing 30'. I felt like saying to her, the world record holder could only do 45. It was impossible. I was crying at home. I quit in the end.

Thank you all. I don’t have a job description or contract (I’ve asked HR and they’re trying to sort it). Some of it is tricky due to the processes and they’ve not been properly explained and the technology. I work remotely in an office on a different server for essentially a different organisation so our IT is based in another city. My boss also doesn’t understand a lot of the technology.

A meeting is a good idea. So far she drops in once a week to say hello and when I have questions she rattles off a very quick answer as she has other jobs to do. She’s incredibly busy and it feels like she just expects me to slot in (last person in this role lasted a year) my equivalent in another office one lasted six month and one lasted nine so I’m trying to think it’s not me. My emails to her a lot of the time go unanswered.

Thank you for all the positive suggestions on what I can do. Maybe it’s just time and that after a while it will slot into place.

Okay, it does sound like you (and person before you) have been left rudderless, partly because your boss doesn't know how to use the technology. Does that sound fair? If so, you're being way too hard on yourself. Its not your responsibility to guess what your tasks are, or how to do them. Stress to whoever you speak to that you're anxious to support the team, but without a clear knowledge of yours tasks and responsibilities, you're unable to gauge your effectiveness. If nothing else, you will come across as keen, willing to learn and engage within the organisation and proactive. If nothing changes with that approach, you're probably fighting a losing battle.

It does take time. During my training and first stage of my current job, I had times where I thought "I can't do this"
I've been there 2 years now