Do you think this is ok/not ok parenting?

[GreyishDays]

11 yr old is having a hard time. Not sleeping well and gone a bit hyper at bedtime yet again.
They’re keeping much younger sibling awake and won’t be quiet.

Ok to forcibly carry them downstairs, very much against their will and with a lot of struggling?

Well 11 seems rather old to be behaving like that, are any additional needs involved?

That sounds very difficult. Does the 11 year-old have additional needs?

I don’t think I would physically be able to restrain or carry my 11 year-old!

Well it doesn’t sound ideal. I would need to know more though, any additional needs? Are the siblings sharing a room? What is causing the 11year old to not be able to sleep? What time are we talking?

My 10 year old weighs 8.5 stone so theres no way we could carry him around like that.
That's strange behaviour for an 11 year old. Has something triggered it?

You need to work to find out why he isn’t sleeping. Surely forcibly carrying him downstairs will still wake others up and with an 11 year old be pretty dangerous?

Would SN mean it’s more ok or less ok to do that though?
I couldn’t work it out so didn’t add, but slight over sensitivity to stuff due to neurological condition. Bit more likely to be overwhelmed by things.

9.30pm, sibling is seven and not asleep yet but trying to.
We are trying to sort out the not sleeping.

You need to find out why they are behaving this way.
Restraining them like this will stand a greater chance of waking siblings up . On a practical note.

So it’s a sensitive child who is likely to be overwhelmed? Then yes that makes it even more unreadable

Ah cross post
Has something happened at home or school
Are they in any meds?

Yes.
I have to haul my 11yr old around when she's keeping her older brother awake.
You can still support your 11yr old and allow your younger child to sleep..

Need to get to the bottom of it. Changes in school or home life?

Obviously cut out screen time, excess sugar etc in the hour leading up to bedtime.
Go back to a routine, early bath, evening chat about how things are going. My 10yo only ever tells me anything at 9pm.

Mindfulness is a buzzword I know but I taught mine about thinking of the problem, deep breath in and imagining a balloon blowing out of his belly button as he exhales, with the worry trapped inside it. He liked that.
We use audio books on Alexa with lights out for him to drift off.

I have had this issue...but both my DC have AS.
Could you put one to bed in your bed, them move them later once they're asleep? We did this for bloody months a while in the past. (The lightest one is probably easier!!)

Talk to the 11yo away from bedtime. Does he know what is setting him off? It sounds like anxiety, so maybe pressure at school? Is it a Y6 with KS2 looming? A Y7 coping with transition to secondary/older children's friendships etc?

Removing them from the situation is fine, but you need a solution. It might take a while to get to the root of it

Also I started 'bedtime' talk at 7pm, ie ok time for a bath/shower in half an hour...15mins...10mins. 7.30 Ok bath or shower your choice. Let him faff about for half an hour. Into bed about 8.00 and again hes messing about with whatever, then phone taken away at 8.15 and alexa on. Wifi switches off at 9.
This worked for us when he really struggled last year following house move from ex, divorce, pet death and new partner on both sides within 2 years.

Yanbu.
I have done similar (other way around though -youngest was keeping the eldest awake).
Is your Dc stressed? I find that it always comes out at bedtime.

I would say yes IF you can do it without hurting them (I’m not sure I could)

My DD is younger (7) but also has a neuro condition and gets very very wound up at bedtime. Bedtimes can be awful if not kept on a fairly tight rein. I have three tactics that help - of course every child is different but just in case these help you.

1. earlier bedtime than average for her age (she’s on the same bedtime as 5yo). Overtiredness is a big part of the hyper, for us at least.
2. I generally refuse to talk about emotional stuff at bedtime. May seem mean but it inevitably turns into a long crying session, she can’t calm down, nobody gets any sleep. Also things that bother her hugely at bedtime are often not seen as a problem by morning. So I say I can see this is bothering you, bedtime’s not a good time, let’s talk about it tomorrow.
3. I stay with her till she is sleepy (doesn’t take long). This helps her calm but also means if she starts to muck around I can say I am going and she will generally calm down as she wants me to stay. If your DC is similar this might help.

I would say yes IF you can do it without hurting them (I’m not sure I could)

Or hurting yourself. The days of me being able to carry my 10 year old are long gone!
Is there another room you could remove them to rather than the stairs?

Thanks everyone. Obviously there’s a lot of background.