If you work at have young children how do you keep on top of everything and have the energy to do it!

[residue]

I have 3dc, 2 primary school aged and one toddler. I've been a sahm until recently and omg! I am so tired. I come home from work and after spending time with the kids/ cooking and clearing up/ reading and bedtimes, I just want to slouch on the sofa.

Before youngest was born I had a really good cleaning routine of the whole house and outside shed etc. I'd declutter regularly. I was on top of everything including regular deep cleans. I would have planned activities/ places to go in advance of school holidays. I was so much more organized and obviously had the time.

But now I'm just tired and get the bare minimum done. So although the house is tidy it's not up to my standards. I'm not on top of things and I'm tired too and I find it all overwhelming!

How do you all do it???

I pick small tasks and I’m not too hard on myself. We have a cleaner and my husband and I share cooking/we try to share school drops offs - we do homework at the weekend. We try not to over schedule our weekends so we can have some family time and play catch up.

Generally we could be better with organising food!

Can you afford a cleaner?
Can your partner help?
It sounds like you need to adjust to your new working hours. You can't do everything in the home if you are not in it. I will admit that my standards did slip when i went back to work.

I sorted out a drawer that had been bothering me the other day and threw out a carrier bag of stuff from it. That made me feel good. I plan to keep on doing that. I have also filled two bags with clothes.

I sorted through some boxes etc and have some rubbish for the tip. I’m going to ask my father in law to take it when he goes. Just stuff like that really!

Kids are young primary school but they have on their walls what activities they have (well the eldest does the youngest is learning to read). Also try to keep Fri afternoon which is my day off free of activities and Sat activity free too.

The organised mum method works for us.
It will take a while to get into a new routine if you’ve just gone back to work.

Do you have a cleaner?

Does your H do a fair share of parenting and domestic work?

I just get on with it. I've only got one 6 year old but I'm a working single mum. No magic formula, I have to do it or it won't get done. I don't have a cleaner either.

I don't have a cleaner. I can't afford it.

So just let my standards go a bit and just small bits. But I want everything to be the way it was!

And what about being tired. Are you all really tired at the end of the day?!

Oh I so remember how you feel. The daily grind is unending and mountains (washing, cooking, tidying, paperwork, sibling squabbles, stuff from school, work split many ways and feeling not being able to do them as well as would have and all the other things).
If you can please get a cleaner that's the single easiest and most wonderful thing and may be could they also do some laundry and putting away?
Have you considered using a planner like the one in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People?
Do you have family who could maybe have them for eg Sat morning and lunch?
When they grow older these days are forgotten in the rose tinted memories of early childhood... until we r reminded by posts like yours. Good luck and hang in there!

Hi OP, yes it’s tough and feels like the rug has been whipped from underneath you and you’re carrying loads of plates you can’t drop 😫

It doesn’t get easier until they’re older (so I’ve been told) you just have to be as smart as possible in what you prioritise, your partner needs to help more and if you’ve been a stay at home mum for a while he may not have changed his approach. Having said this, my DH and I both work full-time and I travel to boot. So we have agreed to be kind to life, the house is always in a state of lived in to car crash, we can’t currently afford a cleaner as I’m on mat leave and even if we could we don’t have energy to do the crazy tidy up before they arrive.

Things which have helped us:

• Wrap around for after school - you didn’t mention if you’re using this or not.
• Meal planning and weekly online delivery slots.
• Buy prepared or frozen veg to make meals quicker (it’s also fine to have a kid friendly ready meal once in a while).
• It’s nice to be able to cook from scratch, but I find this only works if batch cooking at the weekend (if you’ve time).
• Maybe have a drawer a day with kids clothes in or lay them out the night before, if you don’t already.
• They don’t need bathing every day!

Overall, I’ve found my standards have slid and I’m having to be okay with that, well trying to be at least. I’ve yet to meet a full time working parent with young children that has got ‘this’.

If all else fails, try wine.

Inspiration from The Organised Mum Method. I don't follow it strictly but it did inspire me to be more productive in little moments ie cleaning the sink whilst the baby is in the bath etc.

Slow cooker

Yes, at your stage got v v tired, still do, and have 2 DC. Fatigue is my biggest challenge.

There were some downsides/costs to you having more time for domestic work.

Unless you’re single a key thing is your H sharing the work.

It’s hard. I’m a single parent so everything falls to me. Earning the money, caring for the kids, housework, shopping and I’m trying to do a L5 course for my career. I’m exhausted most of the time and my house is far messier than it should be and I feel bad I haven’t got more quality time with the children.

No answer but do be careful you don’t let yourself get overwhelmed. We can’t do it all unfortunately.

If you're not in the house as much in theory it doesn't have a chance to get as messy. Although my kids can make equal amounts of mess in 5 minutes as 5 hours.

Are the kids at wraparound care? A childminder will give them tea so you don't have to cook. That frees up loads of time.

Do you have a partner?

When I was a single mum, I would get earlier. Put a wash in get ready, out the wash the airer (in summer put it out) get kids up

When I got in about 5.30 get dinner entertain kids while it was cooking (must week was always simple foods) or do homework. Eat, bath then all have chill together. Then get them to bed and do 15-30 mins of something. Bit of ironing (though I only iron essentails) or clean the bathroom. Kitchen would get wiped down after the pots were done.

Hoovering left til the weekend and do the whole house. Obviously if there were a mess I would hover that one room during the week.

Saturday morning spend an hour doing whatever I hadnt donr during the week.

During the week i was always in bed at 9. Either relaxing, reading, watch TV and sleep at 10.

Ph and sunday afternoon I would prepare loads for the week. Make sure theres 5 uniforms for them, cook a meal to freeze for mid week. Only spent a couple of hours doing this though.

Amazing husband to share house tasks with and also only to the bare minimum during the week

Working 4 days saves my sanity as a single parent . Both mine are in school so I do a good clean of the house on a Friday and then just have to do things like washing , clean kitchen etc during week.
It is exhausting . My youngest is 4 and still doesn’t sleep all night most nights so I drink a lot of coffee at work .

I only have 1 DC but work full time- I get most things done but yes I’m permanently exhausted!

Okay. Looks like this is normal then.
I know I need to do meal planning which should help massively.

I do have a dh and he is doing a lot more than before I started working but I guess he could do some more.

I find I'm slipping behind on deep cleans and regular declutter etc. Things like repainting the shed door is now not even in my list!

Lots of coffee, and lower my expectations of having free time in the evenings.

Also important to share work with a partner if you have one.

Equally sharing the load, being very efficient with time, and lower standards. We moved house a year ago and the first time I deep cleaned the bathrooms since we moved in was last weekend. And I only did it then because everyone got norovirus! If you have the money, a cleaner helps too.

IME the most time consuming domestics are cleaning the bathroom / toilet, laundry and meal planning, shopping and cooking. Divide those.