Single mum of a 4 month old baby. Will I ever find love again?

[mamanay]

Me and my ex broke up when I was 6 months pregnant. He then went on to sleeping with a colleague who he worked with, i caught wind of this and he denied it the the fullest. Didnt speak for the last month of my pregnancy. My mother called him when i went into the labour and it was until shed sent him a text saying that she was calling from the hospital that he actually answered the phone. He arrived at the hospital around 7pm (I knew he had been with her prior to arriving to the hospital) I gave birth to my beautiful son at 10:24pm on the 01/10/19. Everyone left a few hours after i gave birth and I stayed in the hospital over night on my own. Was quite a lonely experience but I was happy that I managed to deliver my son into the world safely and naturally.
After leaving the hospital my son was admitted to the children's hospital as he wasnt feeding. We were in there for 2 nights. The first day of being in the hospital his father turned up with makeup allover his jumper. We later got into a dispute as he finally admitted to sleeping with the girl he worked with.. after I had basically just had his child. After being discharged from the hospital he came to my mothers house and visited him twice all in the first week of him being born. He hasnt seen my son since (so in total hes seen him 5 times, 3 of those times being in hospital). He hasnt bought 1 thing for "our son" including nappies and wipes during my pregnancy and after. He is now in a relationship with this girl and she is pregnant. She has been bragging about it all over social media, blatantly to try rub it in my face. He has said from his own mouth hes not going to be in my sons life & hes not going to financially support me. He has also said he doesnt love our son because he has no bond with him (which is his own fault as hes chosen not to see him) and made several threats, saying hes going to petrol bomb my home with the baby in it. Hes a disgusting human being and after his actions I'm past the point of giving him an opportunity to see my son tbh as hes shown he clearly doesnt care. After having my son due to all the stress my baby dad put me through I have had to go onto anti depressants and he has made me feel like I will never find love again and nobody will want me because I'm a single mum. I try to tell myself I will one day find someone who appreciates me and my son but it's hard to believe that when someone has mentally abused you to the point where you feel weak. We was together for 4 years and he was my first boyfriend, and I really was head over heels for him but now i dont see myself finding someone who i love like i did him. I know its probably just how I'm feeling at this moment in time and things will change one day (I am only 21 y/o so I've got a whole life ahead of me) but it just upsets me seeing how hes thrown away our relationship and our son like we never existed.

How long did it take for you single mums out there to find love again? How can I learn to love myself again? Because confidence is key and without that i will constantly have this self doubt.

You need to build yourself up first. Don't start thinking about 'love' already.
You've got a tiny baby, focus all your attention and love on him for now.

Fuck the father, he's useless. Ignore him, block him and the new GF on social media and leave it at that.
Block all possible contact and if he threatens you again, police.

You will find love again one day. But it's so, so early.
These things take time and it's so important to work on yourself first.

You will, just be careful of men who see you as a 'free life' for someone with no home. It happens a lot

Oh, of course, you will! Love doesn't stop because we have babies on our own. I was a single mother to DC1 who turns 18 in February. I went on to marry and have two more children. That's coming up on 11 years ago. It took time for me because, to be honest, I just wasn't interested in a relationship until DS was about 4-5 years old. I'd been so burnt out by my ex, who is not a bad guy but he is a terrible father. He's just never 'shown up'. He was at the birth and even then, it was like, "please, just go do whatever it is you're sooo missing out on because clearly, the birth of your son is not at the apex of your life's experiences." He still hasn't found whatever it is he's looking for.

You just learn your road ahead as a new mother, be guided by your loving heart, be patient with yourself, above all, and you'll find that raising a son to be the man you envision him to be will happen. I couldn't be more proud of my son. We didn't have a pot to piss in and I worked hard with little financial reward, but to be honest, those were incredibly happy years. Of course I was very lonely. I so wanted to find love but I sure wasn't going to revisit any relationship resembling what I'd had with his father. I was too nervous to get love wrong again. You will absolutely know when it's right.

They're definitely a lot of guys out there who think, as a single mum, their crumbs of loving will be enough to sustain you, that you'll be grateful for anything, any kind of attention, guys who think they don't have to make much of an effort because you're just so damn grateful for their part-time affection. Fuck them. They're in the same club as your ex. There are even more men out there who are kind, strong, and loving, men who will love your son as their own, men who will respect you! Respect is what you want. Love functions beautifully when respect is intact. But don't rush these things. Love finds its way to you when it's good and ready... when you least expect it, my colleague used to say to me. How right she was.
Try not to allow your ex to bring drama and toxicity to your life at any point, but especially now. You need to be strong for your baby and for you.

Bless you. You sound like you have been through a lot. Your ex sounds vile it is good that he doesn’t want anything to do with your son as he might be a risk to him. His comments about firebombing the house are very worrying.
You do have love. You have a beautiful son and you are his whole world. One day you will find someone you are so young. I don’t have any answers as I am a single mum with a baby too.
You might want to look into doing the Freedom Programme,which is a course for women who have been badly treated by their partner. It can help you understand about abusive relationships.

You will find love again, you are so young. Plenty of single mums find love after separation. I'm a single mum but I am single by choice, not for lack of offers.

Please do not rush into anything though, you have a very young baby and have been through a lot recently. Focus on your baby and learning to love yourself first.