Practical and clothing advice as stepmother of the bride

[Pineaurouge]

I’m ‘step mother of the bride’. On good terms with my DSD and DSDs mum as is my DH. I’m not really sure about etiquette and don’t want to step on any toes. Where do I sit during the ceremony, what do I wear???

Really unsure of what to wear! I’m size 16, hourglass shape and 5ft8. I’m in my 30s. I do like my legs to be covered so longer dresses preferred.

Help!! Any advice welcome.

I'm a mother of the bride this year.
As my dd is having a summer wedding I'm thinking I'll go for a dress and little light jacket.
I'm slim but a lot older than you so I need to tone up.
My future son in law's dm and I are going to liaise on colour so you may want to do that.
If you go somewhere like John Lewis or Debenhams I think they will advise you on outfits re your shape and style. As everybody dresses up for weddings I think you can get something really special without treading on anyone's toes.
Not sure about seating etiquette

Thanks @frenchw1fe. I’m not in uk so not sure I’ll have chance to get back to shop before wedding but it’s a good idea so maybe I need to convince DH I need a long weekend .

Anyone else? Etiquette advice on the actually wedding day would be great.

I would ask for a heads up as to the seating plan, where you should sit during the ceremony etc if your dh will be walking SD down the aisle.
Is it a very formal wedding? Will there be staged group photos etc. A friend of mine had a similar situation when she got married and I know it meant a lot for her to get a photo of her with her parents. So it would be worth filling the photographer in that you are step mum and might not be needed for all photos. You or DH should chat this through with SD to save any embarrassment on the day.

No personal experience but my sister in law recently got married and her husband has step parents.

I don’t think relations between his parents are great but they are civil enough. On the day his step mum sat with his dad just as his step dad sat with his mum. Pretty sure they were in different rows, like first and second row not first row & last row. It was overall a pretty normal wedding and relations between everyone were fine.

If you’re all in good terms you may be over thinking it a bit but I get why. Can you talk to your the brides mum about it, she might be as worried as you are.

Are you British?

I'm going to assume not as you don't live in Uk.

I would say to avoid wearing black, white or red. Also nothing too bridal or bridesmaid in style and liaise with the bride as much as possible on other colours as wearing the same colour as bridal party could also be a faux pas.

But other than that, whatever you're comfortable in, even smart trousers would be ok my ex mil doesn't wear skirts or dresses as she has scarred legs she's embarrassed about, she wore a lovely lilac trouser suit to our wedding she looked great.

Seating - if it's a remotely formal wedding there will likely be a seating plan in which case you just sit where that places you. The bride and groom would have put a lot of thought into the plan.

If it's less formal then again liaise with the couple ahead of time to get a sense of where they would prefer you to be, or anywhere they definitely don't want you to sit.

Very kind and considerate of you to be aware of potential issues.

It depends on the wedding and the relationships you have with them. My step parents were included in my wedding, we did three sets of family shots - mum and her partner, dad and his partner and my in laws. We had a sweetheart table to avoid the top table issue and everyone was happy.

I didn't mind what my step parents wore as long as they looked presentable. I did make it known what colour my mum and MIL were wearing so no one had their toes stepped on and I made buttonholes for my step parents as well as the rest of the wedding party

I think asking your dsd what she would like is most important. So she and you can plan together.

As stepmum, my DSD had very kindly invited my parents too so I sat about halfway down the church with them. I told her I’d be perfectly happy to sit with them at the reception too but she wanted me on the top table with her DH so that’s where I was. She sat my parents at the individual table nearest to me on the top table so I could talk to them. It was a lovely family event with no animosity so we were very lucky.

Thank you ladies. I do think maybe i'm over thinking it!

To answer a few questions, my DH will be walking her down the isle, so i do need to ask where she wants me to sit for the ceremony (as I will also have 2 teenage DCs with me so not so simply maybe!). I think they are also going to have a sweetheart table to avoid any problems re top table however i'm more than happy for DH to sit on the top table and me and DCs elsewhere nearby.

What do you think about me wearing the same colour dress as the mens suits (Navy)? Its not the same as the bridesmaids which is very different!

@Graphista I am British but live abroad.

The wedding is in the UK

Just ask your stepdaughter, the last few times I've encountered this (I organise weddings) the step parents have sat behind the parents in the church and sat on a table aside from the top table at the reception

Fair enough op I didn't want to assume you were British and that therefore were already aware of the cultures and customs here.

Even in other English speaking countries wedding customs can vary greatly.

Navy - I would check with the bride.

Generally an inoffensive colour I wear a lot myself (I'm a redhead so blue suits me and a lot of colours don't) but as it matches part of bridal party and is a dark colour close to black not everyone likes it for a wedding.

If the dress is not completely navy especially if mixed with white/cream it will likely be ok or you could use lighter coloured accessorising.

Depends how dark a navy too.

All that said I wore a plain navy dress to then boyfriends sisters wedding, I was young and didn't know the rules so well then, but also I did wear with cream accessories - cream and navy shoes (fake Chanel style pumps, cream body navy "toes"), cream fascinator and bag, fake pearl jewellery, even cream tights! I know! It was the 80's and I THOUGHT I looked so grown up!

I saw those wedding pics many years later and I looked ridiculously old for my age not helped by the tight perm!

I was 17 and looked like I was TRYING to look 40!

Ah well we live and learn