How do I stop myself getting upset when friends/family cry?

[TheNoiseHurts]

A member of my family called me and needed me, they were a bit pissed and really upset. Never experienced them like that before.

Instead of being strong and a good listener, I cried as well.

This always happens and it's fucking embarrassing. It really pisses me off after the conversation ends. I'm not the strong listener that they needed.

Now do I stop myself doing that?

I was fine before my first baby was born. But that was 13 years ago so I've stopped hoping that I will go back to being strong again.

Within reason, I don't think anyone will mind. It's not like you're trying to show one-upmanship in the misery stakes, you're just empathising very keenly. I might be quite touched if a friend cried on my behalf. However, if you think it means people would fear unburdening themselves lest you become a blubbering wreck, maybe you could do a part-time beginners' counselling course?

I disagree - it’s awful and causes resentment when someone gets emotional (for no reason) if I’m trying to open up. It’s unnecessarily making it about you and detracting from the person who’s actually suffering. None of this really matters unless there’s a specific special person who you should be supporting - I wouldn’t actually care if it was someone I wasn’t that close too - but for example this caused huge issues between me and my partner as I felt I could never tell him anything as he wasn’t capable of being strong enough to support me. It meant I felt I had to go thru it alone. If you really want to be there for them, Just try to focus on the other person maybe and what they need instead of yourself? But if not, then at least don’t expect support/ lean on them when you need it as that’s not fair Xx

It’s unnecessarily making it about you and detracting from the person who’s actually suffering.

Exactly!! It makes it seem as though "hey I'm upset too, feel sorry for me too!" even though that could be further from my intention.

And I'm so bloody embarrassed by it as well. I can do angry with myself afterwards because it stops me being the strong friend or relative that I should be.

I disagree with what has been said.
Just because you have a cry too doesn't make you any less strong as a person. I almost think by saying that people who cry aren't strong people?
It's just a way of you letting your emotions out. I wouldn't feel someone is making it about them especially when the person opened up to you to share their upset and you did just that share their upset.
I wouldn't be embarrassed either. You're human we all emotions and display it in different ways.
It also depends on the situation. My Dsis recently had a miscarriage and we have cried together. Am I making it about me? Absolutely not. My heart f**king breaks for her. I cried because it's so sad and I can't stop thinking how she feels. That's not me taking it away from her.