I know I didn’t exactly promote the whole ideas of marriage/babies with my last post but I have to agree with the posts after about focussing on you in order to meet a partner.
I never really had a proper boyfriend. I had a great social life and loads of friends but nothing serious relationship wise. At 32 I felt convinced I just wasn’t attractive to men. I felt like such a huge failure at life because of that. With hindsight I can see that was ridiculous, I had a degree, a professional job, owned my own house, loads of good friends. But being single felt like a huge problem I just couldn’t fix.
So one day I decided to ‘fuck it’ and do a gap year. Agreed a year off work and bought a round the world ticket for the following year. I had it all planned out. It was the trip of a lifetime and I was planning on spending the next 12 months saving like crazy. I even moved out of my house back to my parents and rented my house out for extra income!!
Then, 2 months after buying the tickets I met my (now) husband. The irony was insane, for the first time in years I honestly wasn’t ‘looking’ for a man. I cane off all the dating sites and even stopped socialising as much to save money. But I met him and he pursued ME!!! For the first time ever!! Infact, I was so used to being friend zoned immediately I didn’t realise he was pursuing me until he told me I was on a date with him when - I assumed he just invited me to his friends party to boost the numbers!. I’m convinced the new exciting focus in my life gave me a spontaneous good-vibe type of energy that made me more attractive.
I ended up not doing the trip because I fell in love and didn’t want to leave him.
Now m, I am happy, and I absolutely adore my child (who we had just 2 years later!) But am I HAPPIER than I was when I was single? Like if you were to score it out of 10? I can’t say for sure that I am.
Since being in this relationship I have actually experienced more worry, stress, heartbreak, my first experience of mental illness (PND), ongoing anxiety, a gazillion sleepless nights, a miscarriage etc etc. I often feel incredibly lonely at home with my husband in the house and I’ve lost touch with so many of my friends.
I am basically happy with my life and I can’t imagine a world with my child in it. But my happiness mainly comes from my daughter, my work and my friends. I look at other couples and assume they are blissfully happy but very often I discover women feel the same way I do
I guess what I have now is a different lifestyle, one I thought i wanted but turned out to be quite different to what I expected. It’s true that nothing can quite match up to the love you have for your child but, hell, you don’t need a relationship to have a baby.
Men, usually, turn out to be complete pricks.