High potential Learner/ ‘Gifted’

[Thenonaloof]

Hi everyone, my eldest son (9) is a ‘HPL’, everyone is always intrigued and fussed about him and his abilities (including school); this, I think, is having a very negative impact on my youngest (7) who is an hard worker but of ‘normal’ abilities. How do people with the same dynamics balance this situation? Many thanks.

My DS1 was also "gifted and talented" (as it was called then) in primary school while DS2, who is just as intelligent, is very idle and not interested academically.

DS1 just got BBB in his mock A levels, and needs to get AAA for the uni course he wants! He says he didn't revise enough, thought he could cruise through. He's still smart, just it's manifested itself as a child with a huge thirst for knowledge, experience and education. The clue is in the word "potential". We have taken his lead and helped him discover what he enjoys.

And done the same for DS2, who has just failed all but 2 mock GCSEs, simply because he can't be bothered. However, he loves all things practical, loves all sports, and is a real home-body. Hoping to be an apprentice plumber and be a millionaire

Treat each child according to their needs and try hard to often talk about each ones strengths and positive attributes. Mine tease each other a lot but they both know what they're good at and are proud of those things.

Hi my ds1 is scarily smart think GCSEs at 11 etc. I have an older dd at uni and 2 younger children.
I constantly drum in to them that I care about who they are not what they can do. It helps that I home ed so totally focus on their different abilities etc.
I just constant reiterate that everyone is good at different things, my ds2 for example is very practical, good at sports etc ds1 looks to a football like it's an alien object 😂 tbh mine don't seem to care, although they do try to 'use' their brother to 'help' them with their maths etc quite a lot!

I have DCs of similar ages. DS1 has some specific learning difficulties but is also very bright and switched on in other ways, particularly maths, science, humanities. He absorbs information quickly but is also great at linking, transfering and applying ideas.

DS2 is more normal range, bright with similar strength areas to DS1 and he doesn't appreciate the full extent of his strengths because he always compares up to an older brother. He is reminded of his strengths and their different challenges and how they work with them. Hopefully age will help his persective too.

Thank you so much for your answers, I obviously knew I wasn’t alone in this situation but have to admit I find it hard to cope sometimes: I worry...
Part of the problem is that my Dh and I are also ‘HPL’ and don’t really understand DS2’s struggles and ways ( he isn’t very curious, doesn’t enjoy reading) but really do watch in wonder as he’s got amazing social skills and is very liked by his peers, he works hard and understands Maths but again lacks of drive when it comes to all the rest.
We’d like to find the right balance: encouraging him without being pushy which is difficult as we don’t know what the ‘standard’ or what the ‘norm’ is... Thank you all for sharing your experiences, it is very reassuring.

‘Treat each child according to their needs and try hard to often talk about each ones strengths and positive attributes. Mine tease each other a lot but they both know what they're good at and are proud of those things.‘

Thank you.

One other thing I thought of, which of course might be totally irrelevant to you..!

DH and I aren't at all sporty and never watch football etc or indeed know anything about it. My sons heard about football in the classroom and of course did PE at school. When they were 5 and 7 I enrolled them in an after school football session once a week, held at school, with their school friends. It was great exercise, but I also thought that even if they were useless at it, football is a classic way for males to make friends and "bond" so it was good that they would know the rudiments of the game.
DS2 now plays for a local team, with most of the kids he's known since age 4, and even DS1 has been known to kick a ball occasionally, and is very grateful that I insisted on the club at a young age when he couldn't refuse For me, understanding the basics of a team sport is a bit of a "life skill" thing for boys. (Girls are generally ok at talking to each other without needing a bag of air and muddy boots for props!)