Not attending school because of anxiety

[PinkGinAndTacos]

Does anyone have any experience in this field?

My daughter has now been absent from school for over 2 weeks. This has been an ongoing battle for her since year 4 or 5 in primary school and I have tried various professionals both NHS and private to help deal with the problem but we just get fobbed off/treatment hasn't worked.
She is now in year 7 and it has all become too much. We have talked and it seems to be an issue with actually going in but once she is there she is ok.
I don't feel that the school are doing much- they have made suggestions for what to do during lessons but that isn't the issue. she has terrible anxiety about just going in/entering the building- not during the lessons.
We have got her up and dressed on many occasions only for her to have a panic attack when we get to the gates. Some days she won't even get dressed. Some days she gets dressed but won't leave the house.
The school keep telling me to speak with the GP and the GP tells school should be dealing with it.

I don't know where to turn. What should they be doing in an ideal world? I didn't know if I should call the education welfare officer or attendance people at our council or if this would just be drawing attention to ourselves. I'm petrified they are going to fine me.
I have requested work for her to be getting on with whilst she is home.

The school have said there is nothing they can do unless she goes in- they can't put any interventions in place unless she is there. It seems crazy to me. She can't go because she is too anxious so they won't give her help.

I have called the school nurse and am waiting for a call back.
I've left a vm for another private therapist that the school recommended. (we've used 2 private therapists already)
I really don't know what else I can do. She says some days she wishes she was home schooled but others she just wants to be at school with her friends.

Local authority will have some kind of learning they can provide if a child is medically unfit for school, they call it different things in different countries, but as a pp said, it can be accessed through the inclusion team, ring them and ask what evidence the school would need to provide to make a referral. They normally start by visiting the child at home and look to build up to learning in a neutral space like a library to slowly looking to go back to school and working out what the triggers may be.

Counties even!

Thank you for the replies, I feel like I have a lot of stuff to work with.

I will chat with DD when I pick her up (she is going to my mums whilst I am at work) and see how she would feel about going in or reduced timetable.
She is still getting up at the correct time and I try and get her to put her uniform on each morning if I can. I drop her brother at school so she see's the scene of the crime every day.
She usually hides when we approach the school as she doesn't want anyone to see her.

My sister has ODD and I don't necessarily see it in my DD, she is usually good in lessons and does as she is told without resistance, I remember my little sister just refusing to do anything my mum or the school would ask her to do. That said I am open to anything.

I will chase the school again tomorrow with a few of these suggestions.
I just was DD to be happy again, She has been quite different in herself since not going in. I think its a relief to not have to go through the stress she has every day.

Also ask school if a managed move to another school could be tried, sometimes a fresh start can also provide help

Also ask school if a managed move to another school could be tried, sometimes a fresh start can also provide help

I have only ever seen this work with a child who’s at risk of permanent exclusion. The only bit of school the OP’s DD enjoys is seeing her friends, so I very much doubt a move to another school where she doesn’t know anyone would help.

True, was a suggestion if it's the location causing the triggers, current school may also have a 'hub' which is a quieter space

We had exactly the same with DD last year (she was 11) she would get to school and be unable to get out the car. We would try to get in to school and have to turn back at the gate. It was awful and hard on all of us - lots of tears on all sides. There was a year waiting list to see someone on the NHS so we went private which helped overall anxiety but we couldn't get her to school. Once she was in school she was ok but couldn't get through the door.

The school were great and said that if she only managed 10 minutes they didn't mind. Or she could just come in for classes she liked. Eventually the headmaster said that she could come in to the car park after everyone had gone in and he would walk her in. It was tough but she was able to go in to school with him.

We carried on with the therapy and are on the path to a diagnosis of autism.

Best wishes for you and your daughter it's so hard

When I was a form tutor, I had a Yr 7 boy with anxiety. I used to meet him from his dad's car every day before school, and bring him in. We then slowly progressed to him meeting me in the entrance to the school, then meeting me in my classroom. By the middle of Yr 8, he was coming in to my classroom by himself.

There was more input, like art therapy, calming techniques and CBT. There was also an element of the boy growing up and being able to rationalise and articulate his feelings a bit more.

Could someone (a TA, teacher, 6th former) meet your child each morning as they come in? Having someone to go to seemed to really help my student.

I had deja vu reading your post as it pretty much describes our home life.
My DD developed anxiety in yr 4, but it didn't affect her severely until yr 5. She developed sudden nausea, panic attacks with coming and general anxiety at the thought of leaving me in general, but particularly making it into school. Lots of fear of being unwell in school.

GP was utterly useless (told me she may have cyclic vomiting syndrome or reflux!) Went back and saw different GP who referred us to CAMHS. dad ended up under a hospital consultant as her symptoms remained unexplained but took a sudden deterioration (non stop vomiting and strange neuro signs) so I took her to A&E. The consultant ended up referring to CAMHS too Nd once we were telephone assessed they closed referral as DD in yr 6 so too young for their service and they recommended school refer to CHATS counselling.

I was pretty annoyed as I'd sought help from the school early on and was in effect turned away with nothing they could offer. I sent CAMHS report over and secured CHATS referral (though we're still waiting for it to be acknowledged).

I did a local anxiety awareness course which explained why it was happening and what to do in an attack/flair up. If you want me to email you the resource pack then PM your email address. It helped me to understand how to give better, support and reactions to manage things better

I think part of the issue is she doesn't trust people easily. It takes time for her to build up relationships.
We have been invited to a art therapy workshop on Friday morning. She isn't keen on going but I'm worried this will be seen as non compliance with their offers of help. I've said I'll wait in the car and she can come straight out again after or if shes feeling up to it she can go to a few lessons and her gran can pick her up later. Shes still unsure and said she doesnt want the art to be with other children. As I say shes become quite obsessed with what others think.
Shes shut herself off from her friends.
Its heartbreaking.