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Friends at School

16 replies

Rosy82 · 28/01/2020 14:15

Hello, My DD who is 5 has been playing with two girls at school and claim them to be her best friends since the foundation. She has recently been to one of the girl houses for a play date and we thought it will be good to arrange the playdate with these girls so, sent the invite to the mums asking for the usual i.e. their availability and any dietary requirements.. I got the response from both mums and agreed to have the playdate on one of the weekends. But only few days before the playdate, got the text NOT in person chat that her daughter won't be able to come to the playdate in spite telling her dietary requiremnets 2 days ago and she is struggling with her friendship with my daughter and needs some space and time from her. Then she added that she is going through a lot of changes right now which to me seems weird because I know that her parents are seperated and they both are co parenting for few years now and that she is having a half brother later this year which she told herself to my daughter a while ago.

My question is that what made her changed her mind and is it okay for me to be angry at her text? My daughter told me that sometimes in the play they disagree and if she said something to her and any child, she says sorry and that's normal I think because I heard them saying one day they are angry at each other and next day they are best friends bearing in mind that they are in year 1!

I, of course, texted her back saying although I was furious that It's okay and thanks for letting me know. My problem is that I read this text when my daughter was with me and she is hurt that her friend doesn't want to play with her anymore. Any suggestions please how to handle this situation and not let my DD got affected by it?

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Clangus00 · 28/01/2020 14:32

Sadly you can’t make anyone be your child’s friend.
Sounds like the other girls might just prefer to be each other’s friends.
That is sad for your daughter, absolutely it is, but for you to tell the mum’s that you’re furious because they gave you a few days notice AND an explanation and aren’t coming is outrageous. If anyone text me that they were furious with me...that would be the last!
I would simply encourage my DD to find and make other friends. Does she go to any clubs outwith school?

TeenPlusTwenties · 28/01/2020 14:35

You learn that going forward you just say to your DD 'oh that's a shame, Tilly can't come at the weekend after all'.

othervoicesotherrooms · 28/01/2020 14:38

Have both girls cancelled? If it's only one child, is the other still coming?
Try not to worry. Encourage your DD to make friends with different people.

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OhMeows · 28/01/2020 14:56

I'm not sure I understand what the issue is.

Her DD and your DD don't always get on, and her DD is going through a tough time, so she is cancelling with plenty of notice. What's wrong with that?

Rosy82 · 28/01/2020 15:21

Don't get me wrong, I definitely don't want to force a friendship that's not my intention and will never be.
Thanks for your message, it really helped me to get the clarity in my mind.

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Rosy82 · 28/01/2020 15:24

@OhMeows I see your point but my DD and this girl has been playing together for a long time and I guess that's what hurt me but we all learn

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Rosy82 · 28/01/2020 15:25

@othervoiceotherrooms Thankfully not! other girls are coming

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Russell19 · 28/01/2020 15:31

Did you actually tell the mum you were furious?

Rosy82 · 28/01/2020 15:55

@TeenPlusTweenty Thanks, but I had to tell my DD somehow what her friend mum wrote to me basically she has asked for no friendship with my DD and used the card of she is going through some changes at home nevermind, so, I had to tell her because I don't want the mum to write to me again complaining that why your DD talks to my girl, etc. Too much drama, I know!

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Rosy82 · 28/01/2020 15:57

@Clangus00 Thanks, yes definitely I will tell my DD to try and make other friends and in fact, the other girl who is coming to the playdate they both go to the kids club together so, Yes, she goes to the club.

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Rosy82 · 28/01/2020 15:59

No, I haven't told her that I'm mad. I hardly meet her just one morning when I drop her at school.

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OhMeows · 28/01/2020 16:29

Couldn't you have just said to DD that friend isn't able to come to the play date and left it at that?

Pipandmum · 28/01/2020 16:39

You have no idea what this other child and her family might be going through. At that age kids can change friendships quite often, and it seems the mum did absolutely the right thing trying to explain to it to you. She didn't ask for no friendship, she didn't 'play the card', she was frank.

othervoicesotherrooms · 28/01/2020 16:41

If the other girl/s are still coming, don't give it another thought.

Sirzy · 28/01/2020 16:42

Friendships are often very fluid at that age, even if they have been friends for “ages” it can still change as the child does.

No point being angry or upset. You can’t micromanage friendships and I’m sure she will have fun with the friend who is coming

Rosy82 · 28/01/2020 16:50

Thanks, everyone, I appreciate your advice

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