Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Was I Right in Reporting Inappropriate Sales Staff Behaviour??

44 replies

RockinHippy · 27/01/2020 14:22

I can't face AIBU as I'm feeling pretty fragile already about ongoing issues with DD massively minimising unacceptable behaviour from men towards her & it scaring me to death for her as she's more angry with me, than she is with the sleaze bags harassing her.

Last night a chat over her photography assignment revealed that she won't go to a particular photography shop anymore because a staff member, who she describes as being at least in his 30s targets her as soon as she goes into the shop & has repeatedly asked her out, insisted on her phone number when paying etc. She felt very uncomfortable with this as
A. Her student card puts her age at between 16-18, so he knows she's young, but does it anyway.
B. He's also targeted other same age girls she knows
C.The nature of the shop means that she will need to give phone numbers/address at times, which she's now very uncomfortable with due to this guy.

Apart from the obvious anger that he's making her feel this way, this is by far the cheapest local shop for camera stuff & photo processing. Meaning it's costing us more. Conversation was left as, "I'll sort it out"

So I've messaged the company this morning explaining that they are losing custom due to what I feel is quite predatory behaviour towards young girls by a member of staff old enough to know better. Received a very positive response thanking me for reporting it as they as a company take behaviour of this sort very seriously & will address it with a staff meeting.

I've just told DD & she's absolutely gone ballistic. I have no right as she's an adult & it's not my call to report it - she isn't an adult yet. I've now made things worse as he'll know it's her, he won't plus lots of screaming at me that she hates me & wont ever talk to me or trust me again.

Was I right to report, DH certainly thinks so, but the way she has kicked off has shaken us both

OP posts:

Equanimitas · 27/01/2020 15:42

Might your DD's reaction be because she wasn't telling you the truth about this man?

Thinkingabout1t · 27/01/2020 15:55

Well done, OP. It takes courage to report harassment and to risk your daughter's (unjustified) anger. But this is too serious to ignore, for the other girls as well as DD.

WorraLiberty · 27/01/2020 15:56

I get why you reported but if you were my mum, I'd never trust you again.

Part of being a parent is gaining the trust of our kids to open up to us. How can they do that if you rush over their heads like a bull in a china shop?

It's frustrating when they get to an age where you have to take a step back, but that's the age she's at now and that's what you should have done, in order to keep her trust.

Bakedbrie · 27/01/2020 16:16

Sorry but how old is she exactly??? This is important OP. If she was 16 or 17 yes I’d do what you’ve done 100%. But at 18 a lot does change and shes a young adult, you ideally have to coach her to handle these situations not just wade in on her behalf!

Inherdefence · 27/01/2020 16:19

Well done on reporting him. I hope when your DD calms down she will appreciate you weren’t just acting for her but for other, potentially more vulnerable young women who he may be approaching.

I think possibly your only mistake here was telling your daughter what you did!

ForalltheSaints · 27/01/2020 16:21

You did the right thing. It would not be acceptable even if your DD was the same age as the man, just a lot more so given her age.

12345ct · 27/01/2020 16:26

If she is 18 I don't think it was your place to just take it on yourself to take over the situation, you should of told her how to handle the situation and let her deal with it. If it happens again in life she needs to know how to deal with situations like this on her own. If she is 16-17 you should of spoken to her first before taking action. It will blow over and she will calm down.

LlamaPjama · 27/01/2020 16:29

Maybe in a way that she might find amusing to remind her that you did something that is at least calm. I would have gone into the shop and ripped his balls off!

Heymacarana · 27/01/2020 16:30

Another one who thinks her reaction indicates you didn’t quite have the full story before wading in.

I would have left it, she is old enough to sort it herself if needed - and my gut feeling is she was exaggerating and now feels pretty stupid

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/01/2020 16:45

You did the right thing!

FrenchJunebug · 27/01/2020 17:14

you've done the right thing. I would have gone straight to the police! Have you spoken to your DD about why she reacted like that? Is she embarrassed? In which case she needs to be told that no man has got a right to treat her like that.

Heymacarana · 27/01/2020 17:26

The Police . What on earth would you expect the police to do

WorraLiberty · 27/01/2020 17:59

The police??

Since when has asking someone out and asking for their phone number been a crime?

Especially since the OP says "The nature of the shop means that she will need to give phone numbers/address at times".

The guy needs to learn to take no for an answer but that's something his parents should have taught him, not the police

Sparklingbrook · 27/01/2020 18:10

That would be a very interesting statement to the police.

Original poster

RockinHippy · 27/01/2020 19:30

Thanks everyone

To answer a few questions. - she has just turned 17

Shes definitely not making it up or exaggerating, not her style at all, if anything she downplays stuff like this to a worrying degree. She doesn't lie, though I've learnt that at times I need to be very precise with my questions over anything she might want to hide, as she can lie by omission, but never outright lies, possibly due to HFA/Aspergers

To the person who thought this was an over reaction WTAF so you like to be constantly bugged by random blokes every time you use a shop do you. I don't now & I sure as hell didn't when I was 17 & neither does DD, did you miss the bit where it's made her feel uncomfortable to ever go into that shop again. That is not okay.

To the person saying that there own mum did this & it broke their trust. I had exactly the opposite from my own DM in that she didn't help & played down problems I had with a cafe job at 15, by telling me that I'd better get used to it as that just what men do, culminating in telling me off & saying I would never keep a job when I finally flipped out on my boss & his mates who thought groping & sexual innuendo at a 15 year old were okay & tipped a tray of food into them & walked out. I hated her for that & don't think I ever really respected or forgave her after that. So unfortunately it can go both ways.

& to those saying at this age we are walking a tightrope, you are not wrong

& the random men who think this behaviour is okay are out in force whenever we leave the house. I get so f'ing fed up with it & have openly tackled several head on over the last few years, so I wouldn't have trusted myself to go with her to the shop. It would be more understandable, though still not okay, if she wore tight low tops & short skirts, but she's in baggy jeans & hoodies most of the time

She's now saying that the last time this happened was a couple of months ago, so she's angry because she thinks it's stupid that I reported it now, plus she is now minimising it as her anxiety causing problems, rather than the creep himself, even though she said she knows others avoiding the shop for the same reason 🙄

Thanks again

OP posts:

BigButtons · 27/01/2020 21:04

It doesn’t matter what she was wearing!!!!!

Original poster

RockinHippy · 27/01/2020 21:34

I know it doesn't!!! & Shouldn't!! But she's wearing the stuff she does now, mostly because she is sick of the attention she gets & like it or not, she can now walk down the street & get less hassle than she did wearing stuff that showed off her figure. Still doesn't stop them though - clearly 😩

OP posts:

lisag1969 · 27/01/2020 21:53

You were 100% right. Some other young girl who is not so wise could full for his patter and he could do god knows what to them. Explain this to your daughter. He's a predator.. she is lucky that I'm not her mother because I also would have gone to the shop and called him out, if front of everyone. He wouldn't chat up young girls by the time I'd finished. I'd also inform the police. X

Cherrysoup · 27/01/2020 22:21

You did the right thing. You need to protect her and hopefully he will stop harassing other girls now.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.