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Original poster

Mum getting married- prenup/ will needed?

31 replies

rainbowrainbows · 27/01/2020 10:07

Hi, I hope someone here might be able to help. I know she will probably need to see a solicitor but I know how knowledgeable people on Mumsnet can be.

My Mum is getting married soon, it’s a bit of a whirlwind and she seems to think getting married won’t make a difference because her house is in her name. The guy she’s marrying, whilst he’s a nice man, he is not wealthy and doesn’t own anything. I know that she pays the whole mortgage all by herself as she sees it as something for us to inherit.

My main worry is if she divorced she would be in a vulnerable position. She can be very trusting and her last relationship (not married) ended badly- she put all her assets into joint ownership with him, when he didn’t have any equity to bring to the purchase. Then when they split up he took half and it was all a complete mess, it took a lot of help from us to get her back on her feet.

Of course it’s completely her choice, but I would like to gently advice her on what to do here. As I don’t think she has thought it through. Does she just need to update her will, or will she need a prenup before they get married?

OP posts:
LangSpartacusCleg · 27/01/2020 10:24

She needs a will. If it is properly drawn up by a solicitor, she can discuss whether or not a pre nup is appropriate for her situation.

KatzP · 27/01/2020 10:27

I believe she will need a new will after she’s married and yes if she wants to ensure the assets are protected for her and her family should they spilt then she should discuss a pre nup. However she really should discuss with a solicitor.

Original poster
rainbowrainbows · 27/01/2020 10:42

Thank you. I hope I can get her to go. I have a feeling she will say she can’t afford it. How much do these things cost, generally speaking?

OP posts:
TopOftheNaughtyList · 27/01/2020 10:48

If you think your DM will welcome the advice then encourage her to make a new will straight after her marriage so that it's clear who is to inherit her estate, and she should not be putting his name on the deeds or mortgage. If she dies intestate then her new husband will inherit her property and belongings, the first £250,000 of her estate and also half of the remaining estate. You and any siblings/grandchildren will get what's left (if there's anything left). I wouldn't bother with a prenup as I don't think they hold much water. A properly written and validated will would be better.

TopOftheNaughtyList · 27/01/2020 10:50

Wills don't need to be expensive, and well worth the money when you consider the possible consequences. Also, if she writes a will, seriously consider being the executor (or you and siblings together) because if the bank/solicitor is the executor you'll lose a percentage of the estate to them for their 'services'.

TopOftheNaughtyList · 27/01/2020 10:51

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/free-cheap-wills/

Original poster
rainbowrainbows · 27/01/2020 10:58

Topofthenaughtylist thank you that is very helpful! I’ll pass on that link to her.

It won’t be a huge amount, mainly due to the fact that the horrible ex took most of it! But she’s at a stage in her life where she really needs to protect herself as it was her last opportunity to afford buying a house. She ended up doing shared ownership because she was left with so little.

He’s not on the mortgage/ deeds and won’t be. To be fair, he seems genuine but you can’t really know someone that well after just one year! I’ll be telling her she needs to protect herself this time, I think she’d be happy to do it if the cost was low.

OP posts:
wendywoopywoo222 · 27/01/2020 11:02

Whether or not he is on the mortgage and/or deeds is pretty irrelevant once they are married as without a will to the contrary he will inherit should your mum pass first.

YouFightLikeADairyFarmer · 27/01/2020 11:04

Just to be absolutely clear - if she makes a will now, it will be invalidated if and when she gets married. She would need to make a new one after they're married. But a new will only ensure that if she dies, he doesn't automatically inherit part of her estate - it won't protect her assets if she ends up getting divorced.

Prenups don't have automatic legal status - she would definitely need to consult a solicitor.

sunshinesupermum · 27/01/2020 11:09

My exh had to make a new will after he remarried. All previous wills are discounted upon marriage which means if she was to die without making it her estate would not go to the people she wants to benefit from it.

If they were to divorce (hopefully not and I hope she is happy in her later years with her new man!) then he would be entitled to 50% of the house which would put her in the terrible financial position of having to sell it.

Original poster
rainbowrainbows · 27/01/2020 11:29

If they were to divorce (hopefully not and I hope she is happy in her later years with her new man!) then he would be entitled to 50% of the house which would put her in the terrible financial position of having to sell it.

This is my main concern. I don’t really care about inheritance. Just the fact that he could potential take half the property basically leaving her homeless or refuse to move out because he wouldn’t be able to afford anything on his own. He is around 10 years older than her.

Honestly, if I was in her situation getting married is the last thing that I’d want to do. Not that I’m not happy for her, i think I’m just cynical after the last guy.

OP posts:
lyralalala · 27/01/2020 11:41

If it’s to protect the house from divorce then a pre-nup is what she wants, but she needs to be aware that they are not completely legally binding

A will would only protect the house after her death, so if she wants her estate to go to her children, for example, she needs a will as if she married then died intestate the bill would to him. She can make a will now and it remain valid as long as it states it was made in “contemplation of marriage to Fred Bloggs”. That’s not something to do DIY though as it needs to be very specifically worded to ensure it remains valid on marriage

PicsInRed · 27/01/2020 12:12

He's seen her coming, hasn't he?

PicsInRed · 27/01/2020 12:14

Given she's been though this before and effectively lost her savings (and you had to bail her out), the only thing you can do is be very clear that there is no 2nd bailout.

SonEtLumiere · 27/01/2020 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WobblyAllOver · 27/01/2020 12:34

All previous wills are discounted upon marriage

You can get a will before marriage which remains after marriage but you need specific words added to it along the lines of 'in anticipation of marriage'. To ensure that is correct you should get a solicitor/will writer involved.

HuskyloverI · 27/01/2020 12:35

She certainly needs a Pre-nup and a Will that is dates after the wedding day. Leaving all assets to you/siblings. Without this, if she dies her husband will get the lot!

HuskyloverI · 27/01/2020 12:35

*dated after the wedding day.

sunshinesupermum · 27/01/2020 13:19

When I met my DP we decided against marriage - once was enough for both of us and we keep our independent homes and finances separate.

memberofseven · 27/01/2020 13:32

You can make a will in anticipation of forthcoming marriage. I strongly suggest she do this.

picklemeCleg · 27/01/2020 13:33

My friend got involved with a lovely man, later in life. He fleeced her.

Please make sure she is protected.
She can still have clauses to look after him in the event of a long happy marriage where she dies first.

Original poster
rainbowrainbows · 27/01/2020 14:59

When I met my DP we decided against marriage - once was enough for both of us and we keep our independent homes and finances separate.

Very sensible. Honestly, I just don’t see the point. If DH died/ I got divorced I would do the same. I don’t think my Mum even particularly loves him, she just doesn’t want to be alone. Unfortunately my childhood was spend having lots of unsuitable men in and out the house. At least I learned what not to do!

When I say we had to help her out a lot, I didn’t actually mean money - that’s not something she’d ask for. I just mean helping her emotionally, sorting her mortgage, moving etc. getting her away from the bad relationship.

I’ve actually seen her today and had a good, reasonable conversation. I just hope she actually arranged something.

Basically he is now sorted for life, as he has a low income and was previously living with family members..

OP posts:
BoxedWine · 27/01/2020 15:53

Marriage can make a significant difference to a person's legal position in cases like these. She is very wrong about the implications of it. To be honest, anyone in her position whose priority is leaving their assets to their children should think very carefully about whether marriage is right for them, especially when there won't be any inheritance tax to consider. Even willing it to you doesn't mean a spouse can't make a claim. She needs an appointment with a solicitor.

crosstalk · 27/01/2020 23:39

But OP have you got her to go to a decent solicitor? possibly with you? She's just getting married for company and a man about the house? She needs someone gently explaining the problems to her whether she marries or not.

HollowTalk · 27/01/2020 23:43

Blimey, I wouldn't even dream of marrying in her situation, especially as she's been burned before.

I think you need to write down (with her) the benefits of marrying to her and to him, and the consequences of it all going tits up, both for her and for him. Either way, he benefits.