Advice/kick up the bum needed! How to let someone down without feeling awful?

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In a nutshell, I am getting a new car. The one I have ordered is no longer suitable (never really was, too small). I have found something much better and bigger.

Trouble is, the smaller car is already on order. I have spoken to the car company and they say its fine, I'm free to cancel, but I have to let the dealer I ordered it with know myself.

I just feel so horrible. How on earth do I just say "Hi, thanks for all the trouble you went to, to get me something quickly. But I've changed my mind".

I feel so mean. Also, what if he argues back that it's not too small, I should take it, etc etc?

I can't order the other car until this one is cancelled. How can I word things to him so I don't sound like a rude cow?

Sorry to drip feed but the car I originally went for wasn't available, hence me going for the smaller one. But it was never really something I wanted... I feel so ridiculous for agonising over this but also so rude for being the ultimate time waster

Just send an email to them and ask them to acknowledge safe receipt.

In the nicest possible way, think you're over thinking this a bit

Would an email be okay and official enough? I thought he'd want to speak to me over the phone since it's a big thing to just cancel an order that's already been placed

You're not obliged to speak to anyone whether he wants to or not. You are entitled to cancel and I wouke have thought it would be sensible to do so on writing. I certainly would so I had a contemporaneous written record

You don’t need to feel awful, I bet this happens all the time. It’s their job, I can’t imagine the person who works for the dealer will take it personally.

Sounds like maybe there was some pressure selling going on? You bought a car that you never really wanted and now you’re worried that he’ll try to talk you back around. If that’s the case then you definitely shouldn’t feel guilty.

And agree, putting it in writing is best.

Well it's great to know that an email should be fine.

It's a Motability car and on the scheme :( the one I wanted wasn't available so I went with what he said would be available to order right away. He said it was a great car but I didn't think so at the time and I've no idea why I went along with it.

I have now found a different dealership who have the exact style of car I want and can get it delivered for me within a few weeks. But I should've really not placed the order in the first place!

Just say) in an email)
Having thought about the smaller vehicle, I am definite it would not suit my needs, so I now need to cancel the order.

An email is fine, or even a call to the dealership and leaving a message with reception. Was the salesperson pushy? I nearly bought a car I wasn't sure about because I was feeling rushed by the dealer and I know others have too.

You've done the right thing because it's a costly mistake.

They weren’t doing you a personal favour, it’s a sales transaction.

Just be clear and to the point. You can thank them for their good customer service if you like, but actually if you didn’t really get what you wanted from them I think they’ve actually persuaded you rather effectively.

If you’re the one buying make sure you get your moneys worth, it’s not a friendship.

Hope your new car is great!

I can't say he was pushy... He actually looked very stressed and haggered, I felt awful for him. He looked really quite unwell, I think I gave in because I didn't want to let him down xx

You’re clearly a very compassionate person but he is not your responsibility.

Incidentally car dealerships should look throughout their network for a suitable vehicle for you, not sell you something that doesn’t really meet your needs just because it’s easy for them.

If it helps OP I don't actually think the salesman deserves your sympathy or regret for cancelling. It sounds like he essentially guilted you into a car you knew didn't fit your criteria and played on your obvious good nature when he knew it wasn't what you wanted.

I'd be a bit pissed off about that if I was you so maybe looking at it that way would make it easier for you to make the call/send the email without feeling guilty. A car is a big purchase/commitment and it's far more important that you get the right one for you than that he gets his sale. Don't drag it out, get it done and over with and then you can get your lovely new one ordered

Thank you to everyone who's commented. It gave me the courage to email... I haven't looked to see if he's replied yet!

I am off tomorrow morning to test drive and order the new car

No idea why I'm acting so foolish. I genuinely a very kind person but not usually such a weakling! My rational side has disappeared for some reason. The reality is its just another sale to him but I can't quite get my heart to believe it

Well done OP, it can be really hard overcoming those guilt/obligation emotions, even when we don't understand where they come from. I have to be scrupulous in not signing up for anything on the spot these days as I'm a sucker for a hard sell/sob story and I'm invariably better off for having time to think things through before I say yes or no. Maybe adopt a similar strategy for a while if your current frame of mind means you're a bit more susceptible to pressure atm, I usually use needing to discuss with family before committing as a polite get-out. Don't worry about the salesman's reply, ultimately he can't force you to buy a car you don't want and we're here if you need further back up