How did you cope with your postnatal anxiety/depression?

[Dennisreynoldsduster]

Just that really.
I’ve booked an appointment with GP and I’ve self referred to the mental health midwife but in the meantime I was wondering if anyone had any tips and advice.
I started another thread because I was trying to work out if my obsessing/fixating/panic and worry that something is wrong ALL THE TIME was normal and have realised it’s not.
So I’m just trying to get a handle on it before I drive myself and poor DH mad, until I can get in to see a health professional.

How did you stop the constant anxiety and worry? I fixate on a different thing every day - twitchy/jerky movements (made myself almost sick worrying it was infantile spasms), periodic breathing (panicked it was a heart condition and he was struggling to breathe), tensing his legs (even though he was breech and I was told this is normal for breech babies, I’ve been obsessing it means he has high/low muscle tone)... the list goes on and on...

I know some element of worry is totally normal but this is all consuming to the point of making me ill. It’s all I think about.

Now I can accept this isn’t normal and am looking for help I just wanted advice or tips from anyone who has been in the same boat

It almost feels like I’m sabotaging my own happiness and yet I can’t seem to stop

Firstly it's far more common than you think. Having a child is a huge life changing event and can unearth unknown anxieties we feel.

Are you generally an anxious person?

I had horrific post natal anxiety and OCD and still suffer to this day, nearly 4 years on. But I've had a lot of mental health problems in the past so this is just another one of my relapses.

For you, if this isn't normal, you're doing the right thing - engaging with professionals. My advice would be to say how difficult you are finding it, with the view of perhaps getting a perinatal mental health nurse looking after you - I had one, and she'd visit every week or more depending on how bad I was. I was also given more medication to help with the feelings, which helped. They were meds I could take whilst breastfeeding. I was also given a urgent referral to CBT which helped.

In the meantime, talk your feelings out - friends, family, even us on here. Do you find the anxieties are almost like intrusive thoughts that you can't shake? Mine was like this too, and I was diagnosed with post natal OCD. If you think it's the same, read about OCD - arm yourself with knowledge (it can be power) and look at the ways they suggest to counteract it.

Having a baby is a hugely stressful time where there are so many unknowns. One thing that helped me was talking to other women in the same position (I had a brilliant antenatal group that was formed on here which I joined, so we could all talk) and downloading the Wonder Weeks app so I had an idea of what to expect and when.

Also, drawing up routines of what to do with my son helped - I used to find myself obsessively worrying about whether he'd fed enough, so I used to track how long he'd fed for and when, and then at the end of the day I could look back and see he'd had enough and I was doing alright.

Support from your DH is critical - I didn't have that with my ex, and he made it significantly worse because he didn't understand or want to, or help overnight etc. If you can pass the buck to him at times so you can get some rest, do so - I found sleep deprivation made my mental health so much worse.

I hope some of that has helped

PND us different for everyone. Obviously some anxiety around a newborn is normal but it's good you have recognised it has become an issue.
My experiences were different with my two. With DD it took me a long time to accept an issue, I kept just telling people I was fine just tired or adjusting. I was extremely tearful all the time, couldn't cope when alone but put on a brave face. I became fixated that my DH was going to leave me and focussed my anxiety and moods at him. Looking back it must have been awful for him too. With DS I became fixated about death, this was very scary. I was convinced I was going to die or DH leaving the kids alone. My anxiety was never about anything being wrong with the kids IYSWIM.
Both times I have taken ADs and BV have been very open with DH. This has helped.
Not sure if what I've put makes sense or is helpful but all the best to you x

Thank you both for sharing, your posts really resonate with me.
@NigesFakeWalkingStick I have suffered health anxiety in the past triggered by a later pregnancy loss (21 weeks) but I was really on top of it before he was born.
And yes to intrusive thoughts, they’re like brain worms. Like he will make a slightly jerky movement and I’ll notice it then the little voice will say “that’s not right” I’ll google, find something terrible, then study him obsessively and I think it then twists my view of what I’m seeing. So instead of seeing a baby being slightly erratic because they’re only a month old and still developing I’m already leaps and bounds ahead and googling spasms and seizures and utterly panicking, almost in tears. Once the thoughts are there I can’t seem to shake them, it’s like they’re always lurking at the back of my mind.
Reading that back, I really sound out of kilter.

@Elmo230885 that totally makes sense, and I think what’s happened with me is the health anxiety I had before which focused on my health and my husbands health, has been transferred into DS.

I also feel quite low and like I am rubbish at it all as DH is so calm and not anxious and I think DS picks up on my anxiety sometimes and I can’t calm him which then makes me think something is wrong with him and the cycle continues.

Dh Is great, we combo feed so he takes the night shift at the weekend, but I know it’s wearing on him
As every time he comes into the room or home
And I’ve been on my own with DS I’m panicking about something else :(

Oh love @Dennisreynoldsduster that sounds so similar to what I had/have. The obsessive thoughts that just won't go away - I also refer to them as brain worms! It's not surprising you have these thoughts with a loss at such a late stage earlier. There may be some form of PTSD involved in your sad loss, which is manifesting in the anxiety you currently feel.

Can I ask, are you currently on any medication? Ultimately treatment for OCD/obsessive thoughts/anxiety is better treated with CBT/other forms of therapy (if PTSD, the therapy EMDR is very good at unearthing and dealing appropriately with trauma) but in the interim period medication really does help a great deal. Even a small dose can make a big difference and just allows your brain to rest a little. I recently went from 40mg to 50mg and have found the change remarkable and that's after 3 years of chronic OCD.

You've not said when your appointment is - is this booked or something you are doing tomorrow? If possible, I would be asked to see as an emergency/urgent. The longer OCD thoughts are so strong the longer you end up believing in them and unable to rationalise, which can result in loss of reality type situations (I speak from experience) and you really need that break as soon as possible.

I coped badly! To be honest I didn't feel better until I admitted I needed help when DS was 2 and got some great drugs which 12 years later I am still on (very low dose these days). You are so doing the right things. I was adamant I didn't have PND and I wish I had just gone wjth it when my health visitor suggested I wasn't as ok as I was trying to give the impression I was. I hope you get sorted out, you sound like you are very switched on and will be ok xxx

@NigesFakeWalkingStick I’m not on any medication at the moment. I was prescribed some when I was bad last year - I had a delayed response to the loss and it manifested as severe health anxiety, I pretty much didn’t leave the house for three months. I didn’t take the pills in the end as I went to therapy, talking therapy not CBT and it really really helped.

I was still in therapy for a while when I was pregnant then we wrapped it up for a bit as I was coping really well and not gaining anything from the therapy any more.

I have a GP appointment tomorrow morning so I’m hoping something will come from that. I’m really nervous about the idea of medication though :-/

@Fishcakey the brave face thing rings so true too. I don’t want people to come and visit Incase they see through my coping face and I’m embarrassed that I’m struggling so much. DH seems to find it so easy and I just feel like a slightly mad woman (I don’t mean this offensively to anyone who has suffered). It’s like I don’t recognise myself, I feel like I’m a shell of the person I was! Melodramatic, I know.

I hear you. I felt completely mad! I also avoided everyone. I just couldn't cope with people and being sociable.

@Fishcakey I feel like I fake it most of the time when I socialise but I feel the need to just hide away
Most days I get up out make up on get dressed take him out for a walk - outwardly I seem like I’m coping brilliantly.

I’m hoping the GP is helpful tomorrow

I hope the GP is helpful today @Dennisreynoldsduster

I ignored mine for 3 months, wouldn't recommend, glad you're seeking help x

sorry to hear that @Kalim8 i hope you did get help in the end?

@NigesFakeWalkingStick i have to say I love your username btw.
Doctor wasn't great. Wasn't my usual, it was a locum and he pretty much said I was making a mountain out of a molehill and that it's just parenting, get used to it. But I know it's not normal, I know it's not. The thoughts I've been having, the obsessing (I was literally noting down his movements the other day to see if I could see a pattern that could be a seizure. For like an hour. Madness). So I'm going to have to try and book in again when my actual doctor is there but now I feel stupid and like I'm wasting their time.

Now I can accept this isn’t normal and am looking for help

I think you are so good for being aware and getting help.
I had a similar experience after my children and didn’t ask for help. I. Put down the days hard and hid a lot of my anxiety. I had a very busy head and often didn’t sleep.

I regret not getting help and giving myself a break, I thought it was just me and as a young mum I was trying to prove I could manage.

Down through the years I find doctors less helpful with anxiety etc
My teenage son is similar to me and he found Reiki brilliant fir a busy head.
I would try something like this before getting meds.
If my thoughts are running away with me I listen to podcasts or audio books to distract myself.

Keep knocking on doors until you find what’s right for you.
Take card

Please don't feel stupid and like your wasting their time. I'm amazed the GP was that dismissive considering your previous history. Yes parenting is hard, especially the early days but I know from my own post natal anxiety experience that constant anxiety is not the norm. Try and see another GP or follow up with midwife or health visitor. They are usually good at helping out when you're honest about how bad things are.

Thank you both. I was really hoping he would help in some way.
I’ve taken myself off for a bath (DH watching DS) as I started worrying about him straightening and stiffening his legs (he does this when he has wind, when he’s feeding sometimes, think it’s reflux or wind related and when we change his nappy and has done since he was born, he was breech but tonight I’ve made it a massive thing in my head). I’m going to try and chill out now away from
The phone and everything and just relax a bit

Thank you Dennis, I did get help, I called the health visitor and she did the Edinburgh test and then I saw a Dr and started a small dose of citalopram for 8 months or so.

Please try and see another doctor or hv.

Definitely go back to another GP. I was worried I'd be seen as wasting time but with both children they have been great. I found ADs worked for me, enabled me to cope better day to day. Obviously ADs don't work for everyone though.
Personally just be open helped. Being taken seriously and saying it out loud.

Hey I know this is an old post but I’m just seeing if this is something that can be over come I think I’m currently going through the same thing and it’s draining me so much! I went down hill after having my little girl in October and ended up on antidepressants which made my intrusive thoughts a whole lot worse so after 13 weeks I tapered off them and thought I was doing fine until recently I started panicking about my son who is 4 years old. He developed a stutter and then ended having croup aswell but I convinced myself he had a serious illness which completely spiralled out of control. Now my thoughts have turned to suicidal thoughts after my best friend told me that her brother tried to do it and I can’t stop obsessing over it thinking I could be capable of that! I just don’t know what to do! X