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Original poster

How to react to being left out.

25 replies

Whoops75 · 25/01/2020 14:08

My dd hangs around in a group of 3.
Just heard that two have gone with their mams to a hotel for the night to celebrate a birthday.

I’m trying to be nonchalant about it but I’m failing. How am I supposed to handle this?
Dd is putting in a brave face but it’s got to hurt.

No back story
No reason I can think of
Should I let them know I know?
Do I say nothing?

Advice please.

OP posts:
zippyswife · 25/01/2020 14:10

How old is dd?
Are you good friends with the mums?
I guess it’s fairly normal just to do something big like that with one friend. Maybe they just chose the other one over your dd.
It’s tough. 3s are hard to do!

TeeBee · 25/01/2020 14:11

Say nothing. Your DD is managing to put a brave face on it so you should too. Nobody is entitled to an invite. It might be that they could only afford one person to attend. Are the mums closer perhaps? I know it's hard when it involves kids but it's good to teach them to rise above it. Take her out to do something nice with a different friend perhaps.

fedup21 · 25/01/2020 14:13

Are the two mums really good friends?

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Original poster
Whoops75 · 25/01/2020 14:14

She’s 10

Yes, all good friends.
The 3 has never been a problem before!
I wish they had told me.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 25/01/2020 14:16

Are the other two mums more friendly with each other?

TeeBee · 25/01/2020 14:16

Maybe they were just trying to be discreet.

Whynosnowyet · 25/01/2020 14:16

You need to help dd branch out...
Been here op it's shit.

ballsdeep · 25/01/2020 14:16

Ergh I hate this shitty behaviour. I know it's har dbut I would take the high road and not say anything,. Although I'd really want to.

missjaysays · 25/01/2020 14:19

Shit from them, unless there's a really specific reason.

Help your dd to make more friendships outside of the 3.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/01/2020 14:20

"to celebrate a birthday."
Who's birthday? One of the mothers or one of the daughters? Or someone else's?

bashoono25 · 25/01/2020 14:22

Follow your child's lead. They wanted to go without her . Their loss (don't say that though). No one is entitled to an invite.

Original poster
Whoops75 · 25/01/2020 14:22

Dd has other friends as do the other two, it’s not a big deal however I do mind not being told.

Their kids have a new sport in common, If dd is going to be the third wheel would it be wise to discretely pull away?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whoops75 · 25/01/2020 14:23

It’s one of the girls birthdays.

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 25/01/2020 14:28

Perhaps they only see her as a pal from sport rather than a proper friend.

Original poster
Whoops75 · 25/01/2020 14:29

They are playing dumb a group WhatsApp

I asked if they were going to a local funeral and mother 1 said she was away for the night celebrating dds birthday. Mother 2 said she wasn’t around either, no explanation.

I’m itching to send a WhatsApp back letting them know I know.

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 25/01/2020 14:36

Well it sounds as if they just didn't want her there. Time for her to move on. Its sad and soul destroying seeing your children invest emotion in relationships just to have them cast aside, but its part of growing up. She'll find friends who value her.

Whynosnowyet · 25/01/2020 14:36

The fact that 1 is keeping it from you means she knows her behaviour is sneaky imo.

Letseatgrandma · 25/01/2020 14:40

I wish they had told me.

Really?

What would you have wanted them to say, though?

‘Hey, Whoops-me and Sally are taking Milly and Molly to a hotel for the night to celebrate Milly’s birthday!’

Izzabellasasperella · 25/01/2020 15:02

If they are staying in a hotel for the night could it be that the hotel only has twin/double rooms? Many hotels don't have 3 beds in a room.

Izzabellasasperella · 25/01/2020 15:10

Sorry you didn't give the ages but I meant perhaps the girls were sharing a room.

TweetUsOnFacebook · 25/01/2020 15:19

Your poor dd. I would be really upset about this too. Dd is in a 4 and I would never leave out one of her friends like this. It's just cruel and unnecessary.

Do something special for your girl tonight. Order pizza and watch a movie.

Are there any other friends she could try and bond more with?

letmebefrank · 25/01/2020 15:32

It's not nice to be the one who is left out, but it's not uncommon for two mums and 2 girls who aren't old enough to be a room by themselves to do this, as they can share easily.

gamerwidow · 25/01/2020 15:45

It's not nice to be the one left out but it happens sometimes when there is a three and you have to help your DD to deal with it and not make it into too big of a deal.
My DD(9) is in a three and sometimes she has been left out and has got upset but sometimes it has been one of the others who have been left out and been upset. That's the way of thing sometimes, its not always possible to be part of everything and it's a good life skill to learn to deal with it.

gamerwidow · 25/01/2020 15:47

it’s not a big deal however I do mind not being told
Why what would be the point of saying we're going to this and your DD isn't invited other than to hurt your DDs feelings?
It wasn't appropriate for your DD to go this time but that doesn't mean they want to hurt her feelings and cut her out completely.

Original poster
Whoops75 · 25/01/2020 16:03

Thanks everyone

I don’t know why she chose an activity that left someone out. I wouldn’t have done it but most of you think it’s ok.
I’ll do something nice with dd tomorrow x

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