Changing dinner plans...

[Whatthefunk]

Looking for your thoughts on this. Dinner at friends, planned for ages. It's my birthday tomorrow, so it was in my honour. It was originally just Dh, me, my Df and her Dh. Got a message a couple of days ago, to she had invited A and B, who we have met once before. I feel quite disappointed, a bit cross, at the change of plan. Am I being unreasonable.....probably

Unless your name is Lizzy yabu.
More the merrier surely? Unless she has done something unforgiveable to you previously...

Where is the dinner? Out or at your house? Or is she cooking at hers?
If it's the first two and its for your birthday no she can't invite other friends of hers along. And I'd go back and say 'well th at s a nice thought but as it's my birthday meal, I just want .... along , not friends of yours that I hardly know'

Sorry, should have said it's at her house. I'm not really a more the merrier type, and as she's known me for 20 years, she knows this...

You did say in your OP that it’s at her house. Is it today or tomorrow? Either way it’s a bit short notice for your friend to cancel the other couple. Unfortunately you either cancel or go and hope for the best.

I suspect she's thinking that it'd be nice mice for you and that you all got along last time, so I'd be gentle about saying no Thankyou, can we just stick to us four.

However if she's cooking at hers, whilst it's not cricket to invite others (who she knows not you) to a meal she'd invited you to for your birthday, it would be her dinner party and hers to organise.

It's up to you whether that sounds fun or not, or whether you and DH just want to go out on your own instead or invite a different set of friends, however You might enjoy it if they are fun people

It's tonight. I appreciate it's too late to cancel, but I just feel a bit meh, about it...

Ah you've clarified it's at hers. It wasn't as obvious in the OP but can see it now. It's more tricky a she's cooking and it's her dinner party albeit for you. Surprised she's invited people you don't know well along instead of mutual friends or checked with you but meh, she has now. It sounds like she's seeing it more as her dinner party that just happens to be at same time as your birthday than your birthday meal.

Ps i had corrected mice to nice it then left the mice in on last comment!! I didn't mean to type nice mice! 😂😂

I will go, and smile, politely, but grrrrrrrr

OP I don't think there is anything you can do, without looking ungrateful. As she's cooking at hers.
I'd try to enjoy it , make the best of it and know that does this kind of thing next time she suggests it- she's obviously a "more the merrier " type person, which can be fun. So if it's an important celebration for you (or DH )book a dinner out that you book table for (not her) or get DH (or you) to cook at yours next time.

Good plan OP. Fake it to make it!!
It sometimes works so well you might enjoy it after all!

Are they annoying these friends or is it just the effort required and change in dynamics that new people bring that's making you feel apprehensive?

Ate you my Df??? You write very much as she does

Are

I'm actually quite shy, and a bit awkward. I feel very comfortable with close, but worry about saying the wrong thing, with people I don't know very well

Go this time, but be wary of future invitations.

I see you say the meal was planned 'in honour' of your birthday - do you feel the other couple might change the dynamic / intimacy of the evening so you won't be as relaxed?

Maybe. They are lovely, if I remember correctly, but it's just that I was looking forward to just the four of us .

I know what you mean. There'll be 'in jokes' and shared jokes etc between you and your friends that the other couple won't get.

Try and enjoy the night, have the best fun you can and happy birthday for tomorrow

Thank you

Are you my Df??? You write very much as she does

Oh dear OP! Sorry!
No, I just know the type as my BFF is a 'more the merrier' which contrasts with my slight introversion tendencies as it's stress me out too if I was looking forward to a quiet eve with 2 of our close friends for my birthday. I suspect I'm repeating her words as she's always telling me this!

She's always persuading me to go to bigger parties than I'd prefer land as I don't drink, I drive so she subtly encourages me to stay longer. Sometimes I do start having fun and relaxing but other times it's enough for a quick fly by for me or not at all.

We have a deal that if I take her, I leave when I've had enough, as I only promise an hour (but usually stay 2) she gets a different lift home or taxi if no one else is returning her way. I usually get sent photos of the night once home that are increasingly funny (!) (of stiletto shoed feet in a circle and grinning friends cheers-ing!! )

I have the excuse that it's painful for me (disabled) for too long, but I know part of it is also that it feels too many people all with in-jokes (many of which I can't hear)

YANBU, I’d be a bit irritated by this, but I would also realise that maybe I just felt a bit anxious about having to make small talk with people I didn’t know very well. It would make the evening harder work than I’d hoped it would be, if it was just me and good friends I knew well.

In reality, once I got there and everyone had had a couple of glasses of wine, we’d no doubt have a lovely evening and I would have been stressed for no reason

Thanks everyone. I guess I am being a bit precious. Will probably have a good evening, even though I'm driving