help tell me a joke

[SenselessUbiquity]

Sometimes I get really sad and lonely and it feels like I want to self harm. I probably won't and I know I am being an idiot but I just want to know that if I say something here, someone will hear me, and that might snap me out of it. So if you have any good / bad jokes, especially really naff puns, I would be forever appreciative

I used to be addicted to the okey cokey.

I've turned it around now and that's what it's all about !

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven until its bill withers.

What do you call a crying sister?

A crisis

My think my neighbour is addicted to drinking brake fluid.
But he says he can stop any time.

thanks everyone. youre brillliant

Hope you're feeling better. My tho ughts are with you. We're here to hold your hand. Xx

From my 6 year old...
How do you wake lady gaga up?
Poke 'er face

How do you pikachu onto a bus?
Poke 'Im on

What's brown and runs around your garden?
Your fence

What's brown and sticky?
A stick

What looks like half a loaf of bread?
The other half.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea
Where do you find a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Where you left it!

What do you call a 7 foot tall gorilla with a shot gun?
Sir.

Thanks everyone. I'm having a pretty shit time these days and checking in to see more glorious puns is helping.
I'm hanging on thank you

Never trust atoms

They make up everything

Awww, hope you’re OK. You can get through this. Please talk to someone.

Why was the peanut taken to hospital?

It was a-salted

What do you call a hen looking at a lettuce leaf?
Chicken sees a salad.

What did the ocean say to the boat?
Nothing, it just waved.